You set a lovely table, scrump.

I love the flowers.

Whoa...what happened to the turkey?

I have no idea, because I didn't cook that one: looks like a smoker accident.

I will lay claim to this one, however.

That's a picture perfect turkey if I ever saw one.

That blackened turkey has something to say, or just an evil smile.

The turkinary goodness originated with a Diestel turkey and brining, under Alton Brown's guidance.

We've always doubled the aromatics, and tripled the cinnamon sticks.

Also, to fill in some questionable areas in the recipe, we pre-form the "breastplate" foil before putting the turkey in the first time: fold the foil like a classic cowboy neckerchief (triangle), aim the point to face down between the legs, fit it to the breast, and then remove it and spritz it with Pam or vegetable oil or whatever you're lubing with.

That way, when you're ready to put the foil on, you don't have to pre-form it to a 500-degree surface.

Notice also the wings tucked under the bird: that part always requires more violence than I expect. We also tie the legs together, as you can see, because we tend to overstuff with aromatics: we found that the recipe levels of the aromatics just didn't get the job done, and only started to infuse when they were doubled or even trebled.

For gravy, because you can't use the brine drippings, we use the giblets (the cats get one small one divided in twain) and Mrs. Scrump's voodoo.

We've never had a bad result from Alton's turkey recipe. We even have a special bucket just for brining. And, boy, is it worth it. Great turkey, even better as leftovers.

And now I'm hungry. Nnrgh.