Cornfields, Friendly Neighbours, and other hazards of country life →[More:]One fall my brother “Ethan”, a farmer, drove his combine out of his barn in preparation for working his cornfields. His neighbour, “Jake”, on the adjoining farm saw this from his yard and drove over in his truck. He said, “Hey, Ethan, let’s go hunting.”

Ethan said, “No, I’m going to combine the cornfield.”

Jake urged, “Oh come on, man, that can wait. Just drop it and come hunting right now.”

Ethan said, “No, I really want to get this done today.”

Ethan began work on the cornfield. Jake stood by his pick-up, watching and looking very upset. Ethan had done several rounds of the cornfield when he suddenly saw a flourishing patch of marijuana hidden among the rows. He put the tractor in high gear and gunned right over the patch with the combine. At this Jake jumped back into his truck and took off. This sudden departure on his part may or may not have anything to do with the existence of the marijuana that my brother had not planted or known about, and/or with the fact that Ethan weighs 250, can carry a washing machine up several flights of stairs unassisted, and has a nasty temper.

When Ethan was done combining the cornfield he went into the house and called the police. A cop arrived, looked at the pulverized remains of the pot patch, and said, “Yep, that was marijuana. Do you have any idea who did it?”

Ethan said, “I have an excellent idea of who did it, but I can’t prove it so I can’t say anything.”

The cop said, “Tell me, and I’ll just keep it in mind for my future reference.”

Ethan told him, and the cop said, “I know him, and I’m not surprised.”

As you can imagine, this little incident did nothing to foster neighbourly relations. My sister-in-law especially was just livid. She wanted Ethan to take the then vacant position of coach to their son Liam’s hockey team because Jake’s son was also on it, and put Jake Jr. through about fifty extra drills.

But what I really love about this story is how it segues into another marijuana-related story.

Why was the coaching position vacant? The former coach’s children had been playing with matches and had burned down his house. Then when the firefighters were going through the ashes, they found his marijuana farm in the basement. The former coach was charged, and as he now had a criminal record he could no longer be a kids’ sports coach.

And my brother and sister-in-law think Toronto is rife with crime.