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31 October 2006

Government's abstinence-only message now targeted at adults, too. Apparently no one under 29 should be having sex, according to the federal government. Which actually means no unmarried women under 29. Because we all know women stop being people at 30 if they're not married, so no one will want to have sex with them anyway, so the government doesn't have to worry about their welfare kids.

post by: occhiblu at: 12:12 | 47 comments

OH for fucks sake, American Government! I've had it with this country. 1.5 years and counting.

*takes toys and goes home*

(by toy I mean "husband")

posted by gaspode 31 October | 12:15

On the one hand, federal tax money going to abstinence-only messages for adults is sickening. On the other hand, if it keeps some of that money from going to ineffective abstinence-only messages for teens, I could count it as a good thing...

But the overall message is just so fucking stupid.

The message is 'It's better to wait until you're married to bear or father children,' " Horn said. "The only 100% effective way of getting there is abstinence."

Has the message that contraception and abortion are, in fact, legal now not filtered down to the Department of Health and Human Services?

posted by occhiblu 31 October | 12:20

"The only 100% effective way of getting there is abstinence."

They love that "100%" idea about abstinence. What they love a lot less is noting that abstinence programs are far less than 100% effective, and that other programs designed to prevent unwanted pregnancy are far more demonstrably helpful.

Repulsive!

Abstinence programs are dangerous and oppressive.

posted by Miko 31 October | 12:21

The article is somewhat unclear about how they're using the money specifically to target 19-29 year olds. I guess that's USA Today for you.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 31 October | 12:22

I turn 30 next month, and honestly I can't wait to start getting my Federally Approved sex on with everything on two (or one, or four) feet. Thanks, U.S. Gov't!

posted by item 31 October | 12:22

I think the real story is that the people running these programs aren't getting laid, so they don't want anyone else to either.

(the upside of this is that the majority of people will pay no attention whatsoever to this study and just keep on humping, and those who do were probably leaning towards abstinence anyway)

my Federally Approved sex

will it have a little stamp on it, like meat?

posted by jonmc 31 October | 12:25

The National Center for Health Statistics says well over 90% of adults ages 20-29 have had sexual intercourse.

It's nice how they tell you not to screw, yet rub it in if you haven't.

posted by item 31 October | 12:25

Yeah. Real effective.

posted by Miko 31 October | 12:26

TPS, it says the Department of Health and Human Services has about $50 million in grant money to go to abstinence programs sponsored by the states, and that this "policy clarification" is a reminder to organizations seeking those grants that their proposals can target adult populations.

posted by occhiblu 31 October | 12:27

jon, you can insert joke here regarding which meat the stamp goes on.

and insert joke here regarding inserting a joke somewhere.

posted by item 31 October | 12:28

The National Center for Health Statistics says well over 90% of adults ages 20-29 have had sexual intercourse.

I've actually known at least one involuntary over-40 male virgin. He worked in a record store.

posted by jonmc 31 October | 12:29

Surprise.

posted by item 31 October | 12:30

"...'It's better to wait until you're married to bear or father children,' " Horn said. "The only 100% effective way of getting there is abstinence."

Looks like God would disagree with you, Mr. Horn.

posted by muddgirl 31 October | 12:31

Here's a much better synopsis of how the money is distributed, from the Kaiser Family Foundation.

And may I also say, RIGHT ON, New Jersey, California, Pennsylvania, and Maine. Though how said they miss that generous federal match.

I take special pleasure in finding this goodnews in the Focus on the Family website.

posted by Miko 31 October | 12:31

This is the greatest kind of injustice: the kind that you can protest just by having sex with somebody.

posted by Greg Nog 31 October | 12:32

Looks like God would disagree with you, Mr. Horn.

HA!

(And thanks, Miko.)

posted by occhiblu 31 October | 12:34

Ah yes, I saw that after I read it again. So it's not that any of them necessarily are- it's just that they can, if they want to.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 31 October | 12:34

Right, but it's also saying that the official federal policy is that unmarried adults under 30 should not be having sex, and that the federal government is willing to spend tax dollars to promote that.

posted by occhiblu 31 October | 12:38

This is the greatest kind of injustice: the kind that you can protest just by having sex with somebody.

I'm over 30, can I still protest?

Please? It's been a real long time since I've... protested.

posted by Specklet 31 October | 12:39

...and that they are holding badly-needed taxpayer funds over the heads of states who could really apply them better without restriction.

Occhi, I didn't mean to sound snotty with the 'much better synopsis' thing -- I found that before your post went up, and I meant 'much better' than USA Today, not much better than your synopsis. Sorry it reads weird now.

posted by Miko 31 October | 12:40

Hee, no, Miko, that was not a snotty thank you, it was a sincere thank you -- that *is* a better summary.

posted by occhiblu 31 October | 12:42

Fucking hell, just get to my age, you won't need a sodding abstinence programme, it'll happen all by itself.

posted by essexjan 31 October | 12:45

God has a penis AND a bajingo.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 31 October | 12:52

What essexjan said. So am I obeying the government? I hate that. I wish to rebel!

posted by mygothlaundry 31 October | 12:53

I protested twice last night. Take that, government!

posted by mike9322 31 October | 13:02

protesting with yourself dosen't count, mike.

posted by jonmc 31 October | 13:03

It's a good thing I wasn't alone then.

posted by mike9322 31 October | 13:04

Cats don't count.

posted by item 31 October | 13:05

CEILING CAT IS WATCHING YOU PROTEST

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 31 October | 13:07

Methinks mike doth protest too much.

posted by sciurus 31 October | 13:09

*applause*

posted by jonmc 31 October | 13:12

In the face of these kinds of government regulations, no amount of protesting can be too much. Otherwise, Europe will never think we're cool.

posted by Greg Nog 31 October | 13:13

I plan on protesting again tonight.

posted by mike9322 31 October | 13:14

Is protest sex better than make-up sex?

posted by JanetLand 31 October | 13:16

Wait, doesn't that mean that in order to protest, those of us over 30 have to not have sex?

Otherwise we're playing into the government's hands? So to speak?

posted by tangerine 31 October | 13:16

Janet, no. Because if you're having sex at all and you're under 30, you're sticking it to the man (so to speak) - so technically, make-up sex is just a type of protest sex, BUT with the added benefit of the whole making up thing.

posted by mike9322 31 October | 13:21

tangerine, it can still count as protesting the current administration, but only if you're shouting "Call me Clinton!" throughout.

posted by Greg Nog 31 October | 13:34

I seriously think that they all assume all women over 30 are in procreative marriages or else frigid spinsters. So if you're 30 or older and married, you can protest by having non-procreative sex. If you're 30 or older and unmarried, you can protest by having good sex.

posted by occhiblu 31 October | 13:44

Note: Married people are allowed to have good sex, too. I wanted that to be clear!

posted by occhiblu 31 October | 13:48

Married people are allowed to have good sex, too.

I was hoping we weren't so then I could feel like I was rebelling or something.

posted by jonmc 31 October | 13:50

So how do I meet these women who want to protest? Should I make fliers?

posted by cmonkey 31 October | 14:09

Well, Jon, you're not supposed to have kinky sex (anything but vaginal sex in the missionary position is clearly sent by Satan), could that be your form of protest?

posted by Specklet 31 October | 14:13

Is this the thread about the multiple pops?

posted by danostuporstar 31 October | 14:17

could that be your form of protest?

I don't know about jon, but it could be mine.

posted by carmina 31 October | 14:24

Well, Jon, you're not supposed to have kinky sex (anything but vaginal sex in the missionary position is clearly sent by Satan), could that be your form of protest?

Well slap my ass and call me Che!

posted by jonmc 31 October | 14:28

*counts on fingers*

Yep, over 30.

I'm clearly doing something wrong.

posted by mudpuppie 31 October | 14:36

I think Matt Groening said it best when he said: When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

posted by Specklet 31 October | 15:38

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