I'm sorry to hear this, stilicho. My best to you and your father.

That is so very sad stilicho. I wish you and your family well, though I know it will mostly get worse.

Still, on the bright side he does not know who Barbra Streisand is!

Wow stilicho, thanks for sharing. That sounds odd, but I mean it - one of my biggest fears is that I will have to watch my parents grow old. It's my duty, but I'm terrified.

Thanks for telling us about this. I know it's an experience that I have to prepare myself for.

My dad's mental acuity began to decline markedly after his cancer surgery in 2003. He became more irritable, narcissistic, obsessive, and emotionally isolated from the family. (He and my mother have been distant for years, but I was used to that.)

Last year, his older brother was living up here for a while, after his wife's sudden death, and it was clear that -- in addition to alcoholism -- he was declining mentally, often not realizing who he was talking with or where or when he was. (At least twice after he sold his condo, he tried to get back inside, one of those times after the new owners had moved in.) It became pretty clear to my mother and I at that time that this was his own future, but it's arriving more rapidly than we thought.


My dad has told the story of a former classmate J. who has had Alzheimer's for some time. (We suspect this is what my dad has, but he passed a dementia test just six months ago.) The classmate J's wife is on their e-mail list, keeping them updated. My dad has told the story, in relation to his own brother, of how J. knocked on his wife's study door one morning and said, "Are you the lady in charge?"

She wrote, "I think J. and I have reached a new stage."


Anyway, thanks for the kind words. I'm living it, I've had some time to prepare and ease myself into it, and I'm still terrified.

Watch The Notebook.

*plays Funny Girl*

"one of my biggest fears is that I will have to watch my parents grow old. It's my duty, but I'm terrified." It is not always a tough thing muddgirl. Rosemary's parents are in thier late 80's and while mom's knees are going and dad does not have the stamina he used to they still have sharp minds.

but he passed a dementia test just six months ago

It's possible, stilcho, if he's an alcoholic, that it's Korsakov's syndrome, which is a type of alcohol-related brain damage. It's an irreversible condition which causes people to lose their short-term memory, initially, and over time eventually results in dementia.

essexjan: It's my dad's brother that's the alcoholic and who had the severe symptoms. We believe that something like that did happen with my uncle, who is now living in a nursing home in Georgia near the daughter who hates him (all my cousins hate him for walking out on them, they did not want to take care of him, but we could not take care of him up here).
Memo: Be good to your kids.

My dad, who "passed" the test, is still functioning, just with glitches like this. Sorry if it was confusing.

Both of my parents' fathers were sharp as a tack well into their 80s.

Sorry to hear that stilicho. My Dad has stroke dementia & has a terrible time with short term memory. He will tell you the same thing multiple times in a single conversation. He didn't recognize one of my nieces when she came to visit about a month ago. But generally he is ignorantly happy and comfortable. He's in an assisted living place. It's weird to talk to him now - he was really active in community theatre, small plane piloting, and has a PhD in electrical engineering and a masters in music theory. He's 76. I think the best we can do is tell them we love them and give them a hug. Doesn't make it any easier to watch though. :/ He never mentions Barbra Streisand, thankfully!!

My mother recently shelled out money to see Barbra Streisand in concert. So, clearly, she's not "all there" either.

Seriously, though, my heart breaks for you stilicho and chewie. I don't know how well I'd handle such challenges.

I can't offer any support, but I don't think any was sought.

For what it's worth, reading the post just showed me that stilicho really loves his dad. He might be a bit of a dag with his "small world connections", but that's part of why you love him, right?

Losing cognitive function is not an inevitable part of growing old but, sadly, it's a common one. I live in fear of it happening to me one day (we've a family history of "dementia").

One thing that would make that easier for me would be knowing that I had kids like stilicho around to help me through it.

As long as you're there, you're helping.

My father has Alzheimer's, as did his mother. I have such conflicted feelings about him that I don't wish get into details here. But, stilicho, I hope that this new stage is a plateau that lasts for a year or two. I find that the long plateau is usually how it is. Obviously, they are easier than those times when you notice some deterioration on every weekly visit, but more than that, the plateaus give you very precious time.

Reading this, I will appreciate seeing him tomorrow more than I normally would. Thanks.