The best thing to do would be to level with Alex and let him know what's up. He may still want to take you to the concert, even if it's just as friends.

I find in situations like these, the only thing you can do is make sure that everyone's on the same page. If you really don't want to disrupt your group, the best thing would be not to date either of them - but if that's not going to happen it's important that you do what you can to keep from hurting or humiliating Alex.

Were I Alex (and I have been) I would prefer to know up front that you had some interest (not necessarily *more*, but some) interest in Ben. It would not bother me too much, however, if I didn't find out until later.

However, I am not Alex (as far as I'm aware, anyway), and I may not have the same kinds of expectations in my dating life as does Alex.

The ideal solution, in my purely idiosyncratic opinion, would probably be to make sure that Alex understands--by actually telling him directly-- that you are currently "dating people," keeping your options open, and not looking for any sort of exclusive thing, at least not right away.

As a very wise man once said to me, this has the added advantage of being the truth.

Ok, correct me if I'm wrong, but there's a chance you'd find yourself interested in Alex after spending an evening with him, right? You're not committing to a relationship by going on a date with him. If I were Alex I would want to take you on the date even knowing your current situation, because I'd view it as a chance to get you interested.

Alex doesn't know the situation, of course, and if you explain it to him it will probably kill the mood or make things awkward, so I would just go on the date and see how things go. After all, Ben isn't a sure thing by any means. You might not like him as much when you get to know him better.

If I were Alex, and you went on the date with me, I would probably appreciate some comments that indicated that you liked me, and that there was a possibility of more than friendship, but that things weren't necessarily heading in that direction at the moment. Maybe something like, "This is really fun, thank you for inviting me", alternating with comments like "Yeah, I just got out of that serious relationship and I'm still not sure what's going on with my dating life."

I'm an Alex. You're just not that into him. Level with him while he still has lots of time to get over you and ask someone else.

What's all this junk about talking to Alex? Ben is still just a hypothetical. Go out with Alex, say nothing to him about Ben, see what happens. Chances are, nothing will come of it, and you'll be free to deal with the Ben thing later; and if something does come of it, maybe you'll like Alex more than Ben. Don't cut off your nose just yet in this situation; you need to leave your options open.

So you're not planning to actively mislead or conceal information from Alex, right? What if he says 'so, I hear you know Ben' or something?

What if he says 'so, I hear you know Ben' or something?

She should say, oh, yes, I do know Ben. And see what he says.

If Alex is acting like he's madly in love with you, then yeah, you should definitely try to tell him indirectly that you're keeping your options open.

Is Alex someone you can with who you can be platonic friends? Go to the concert, but let him know if he touches or gives you "the look" that you've decided that you don't feel romantically about him. Did you ever read Beverly Cleary's Fifteen? This sounds sort of like the situation in the book when Stan had asked the daughter of a family friend to the big dance before he met Jane.

There's no plan for concealment or deception; the question is how much should be revealed/discussed. My inclination is that since this is a first date there isn't such a big disclosure requirement, but then the future distance of the date and the fact that it's not the usual dinner-and-a-movie kind of throws me. Platonic friends with Alex is a definite possibility. He's not acting like he's madly in love with me.

Consensus seems to be that the overall message needs to be that I'm dating multiple people and that's okay. I believe that Alex is also dating multiple people.

I'm kind of new/bad at this dating thing. Thanks for the help, bunnies.