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29 September 2006

Ask mechachack: What's going on in the minds of most onions?

post by: eatitlive at: 10:03 | 15 comments

They're always giving me funny looks.

posted by eatitlive 29 September | 10:05

Oh it's hard to know what they're really thinking. There's so many layers to peel back, ya know?

posted by jrossi4r 29 September | 10:08

Seriously! Onions are hard nuts to crack.

posted by eatitlive 29 September | 10:13

My favorite yiddisha curse: May you grow like an onion with your head in the ground.

posted by Pips 29 September | 10:17

I always have my onions lobotomized at the butcher shop before bringing them home. I have two young children in the house and really cannot risk their corrupting influence.

posted by danostuporstar 29 September | 10:18

I don't know what they think, but they tend to mince words.

posted by jonmc 29 September | 10:20

They always fight so dirty in arguments, y'know? Whenever I fight with my onion, she always makes me cry.

posted by flopsy 29 September | 10:22

They're always talking shit about chives and garlic -- and don't even get them started about leeks. Weak pansy whiners.

posted by me3dia 29 September | 11:14

They're always talking shit about chives and garlic --

well, the herbs and the spices have a long standing gang war going, so whatever they say is suspect.

posted by jonmc 29 September | 11:21

Yeah - they talk tough, but once they warm up to you they can be quite sweet. I've had kremidopita (onion pie) that made me cry with joy. They're sneaky that way.

posted by taz 29 September | 11:36

They all say how they wish they weren't plain old yellow onions, but vidalias.

posted by getoffmylawn 29 September | 12:03

I don't trust 'em, the rapscallions!

posted by Atom Eyes 29 September | 13:22

I don't trust 'em. Most of what they say is kinda dicey, and some of 'em can talk rings around you. But if you can really sweat 'em out, really grill 'em, they blossom awesomely. And they don't like to be held.

And racism is shockingly common with them: the white ones don't like the brown ones, the yellow ones don't mix with the red ones, and they all treat the green ones like they aren't onions at all.

posted by wendell 29 September | 14:16

Well, they're like Ogres, right? Ogres have layers, onions have layers. And they both make you cry. Therefore, the onions must have the same things on their minds as ogres: namely, they mostly think of eating people.

posted by Daniel Charms 29 September | 14:59

No way Daniel Charms! I know that single onions mostly worry about their sex ap-peel.

Onions may look down on scallions, but they all tremble before the mighty leek!

posted by halonine 29 September | 23:13

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