The best resource I found is Hope Edelman's book Motherless Daughters. She has a site that I think has excerpts.

I'm actually about to start trying to dig up some sites on grieving for a class project, but I know that when I was going through it myself, I had a really hard time finding resources. It's not something we as a society like to talk about, and I think a lot of people are shamed into silence about huge aspects of it.

Actually, the Salon Table Talk grief boards were helpful to me, but now I can't find the grief thread. If I find it, I'll post it here.

Ah ha. Nothing But Grief thread on Table Talk.

I'm googling for stuff myself, but it seems I'm mostly finding articles on how to deal with grief or how to help someone else deal with it. What I really want is to read first person accounts. Perhaps I should join one of the discussion groups I keep finding. Feels a bit intrusive, but I don't see the actual harm so long as I don't post comments myself.

Offtopic: Hey, OrangeSwan, while I probably have your attention, did you want to be on the mailing list where those of us confirmed for Vegas are discussing arrangements? I think I sent an invite to your email address.

I've just jumped through all the hoops to join, Keith. You should be getting a request or something shortly.

"Feels a bit intrusive, but I don't see the actual harm so long as I don't post comments myself." For me that idea seems at the least voyeuristic and possibly creepy. If you want access to do research you should approach the moderators/leaders and ask for access as a researcher. I'm sure there will be folks happy to help out.

Not an answer to your question:

I still think of you, Jim Henson.

I think reading publicly posted forums is fine, joining an email list without announcing your intentions is crossing a line. When I was dealing with losing my mother I very specifically avoided people who seemed to have no clue what it was like to lose a parent, and I would have felt really violated if things I was sharing with the "in group" (for lack of a better word) wasn't staying within that group.

But I probably would have been receptive to helping someone understand what I was going through, if asked explicitly.

More resources, print and online, from the Chicklit forums:

Books About Mourning or Grieving

Mother Loss

I would have felt really violated if things I was sharing with the "in group" (for lack of a better word) wasn't staying within that group.

I will only be reading, not responding or taking active part in the community, and anything I write will not be a direct lifting of anything that appeared in the forum.

Yeah.... I still would have found it weird and invasive. I really didn't want to interact in any way with anyone who hadn't lost an immediate family member. It's just... these poor people are already going through so much, they don't deserve to be lab rats without their knowledge.

Talk to the moderators, and see what they say; it's totally possible that various groups are more open than I'm imagining.

"I will only be reading, not responding or taking active part in the community" If it's anything other than a fully public forum I would still have a problem with this. If you join a group set up in support of people with a common cause (greiving, rehab, mental illness, etc.) you should be able to participate. If you are there for another reason you should make that known. Anything else seems a betrayal.

Just do the same thing you'd do looking up anything else, Google it:

my mom died
my dad died
my friend died

You should be able to read people publicly discussing this without joining a support group, online or off. Support groups get their strength from the fact that the people in them are going through the same thing and can express those feelings without feeling judged or observed.

I feel the same as arse-hat and occhiblu, sure you can argue that it's all the same to the interacting people to have someone else listening in or reading along, but if you don't feel that you can do it out in the open, by discussing it with the moderator, then imho it's not something you should be doing. Do you have to ask? No, but it's respectful to ask if you're there for any reason other than the stated reason for the community's existence.

For a very personal account of grief, start here, and then move forward. Kelly's husband's personal blog is locked, but the account of how she died is unlocked. Also, look here and here and as long as you don't contact anyone in the community, I feel okay about you looking at this.

The grieving process doesn't end. It's coming on Kielle's first year deathiversary and I'm still grieving, though not as much as I did last year. I really want Friday to come and go very quickly (except for the part where I go and have sushi and do karaoke with two of her other friends in Boston).

Also, if you want to interview me for your project or to get some more concrete ideas, let me know.