MetaChat - Stupidest menu ever.

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06 September 2006

Stupidest menu ever. Let's make fun of it.

post by: mudpuppie at: 16:52 | 28 comments

Where should I start!?

posted by getoffmylawn 06 September | 16:54

Live bread?

And I would HOPE the soup would be warm..

Jump in folks, much snark to be had here, and I don't wanna be a snarkhog.

But I COULD.

posted by bunnyfire 06 September | 16:59

I AM NAUSEATED...

posted by Specklet 06 September | 17:00

Oh, it's a stupid ridiculous menu, but the food and atmosphere is actually really great. And the servers do tend to repeat the orders with at least a *hint* of irony. Really. I promise.

(Sorry, owners are friends of one of my yoga teachers. Which is probably a sentence that deserves its own ridicule. Sigh. When did I get so San Francisco?)

posted by occhiblu 06 September | 17:01

I will admit, however, that they have crap-ass coffee if you drink it with milk and sugar. Because they have no milk and sugar. Coffee with almond milk and agave juice is NOT THE SAME.

I am undercaffeinated.

posted by occhiblu 06 September | 17:03

I know that if I went there, with my luck, I'd try to order I Am Eternally Youthful, but instead I'd forget a word and mistakenly order I Am Youthful, and then I'd be all pissed off and shit and complain that I didn't order nut milk with agave, that I wanted a fucking milkshake, but the server would be all like, "I'm sorry, but you specifically asked for I Am Youthful. Peace to you my sister," and I'd walk away grumpy.

posted by mudpuppie 06 September | 17:04

Hee. I often treat it like an ethnic restaurant for which I don't speak the language, and just point to things on the menu.

posted by occhiblu 06 September | 17:05

*I AM WARM miso soup - Warm miso soup with marinated raw
vegetables, shiitake mushrooms, scallions, and sprouts. $6

MISO HORNY!

posted by pieisexactlythree 06 September | 17:05

I AM MAGICAL stuffed mushrooms -

Dude, sweet! I didn't know they could get away with that in California.

posted by mygothlaundry 06 September | 17:15

I AM HOMICIDAL - Oh, cool, this goes with a reply I did on MeFi about pictures of Jesus and how he looks like a hippie and how that the whole menu looks like it's done by hippies who think patchouli is a good enough replacement for bathing because that way we can save water for the flowers and their damned dogs running around and they ask for change and they've got a dog, like you can't take care of yourself, why do you have a dog, hippie? and bongos because they can't play a real instrument, especially when you're that stoned, maaan, and it's touchy-feely nice-to-be-nice-to-the-nice. "I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about "protectin' the earth" and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!" -Cartman

posted by Zack_Replica 06 September | 17:27

How big is an order of I AM BOUNTIFUL? How about the I AM GENEROUS?

Because if THEY ARE NOT HUGE, I AM UNSATISFIED.

posted by me3dia 06 September | 17:27

Can I have an order of the I AM FAT chocolate mousse?

posted by matildaben 06 September | 17:45

I ate at the Berkeley one in June. It's really good and I highly recommend it.

posted by cmonkey 06 September | 17:58

I was about to make fun of it, and I couldn't do it! Now I want to go to this restaurant.

California forever!

posted by halonine 06 September | 18:02

Cmonkey, you were in Berkeley in June and you didn't call me?

I Am Miffed.

posted by mudpuppie 06 September | 18:12

I was only there for two days, pup, for my sister's high school graduation. The other day was spent catching up with my childhood best friend who I haven't seen in many years. I didn't have time for doing anything else :-(

posted by cmonkey 06 September | 18:26

I Am Eternally Mollified.

posted by mudpuppie 06 September | 18:28

I Am (Despite Not Being Able to Read the Whole Thing Through for Embarrassment and/or Laughing Too Much) Still Envious that Such Places Exist for You West Coast People.

posted by casarkos 06 September | 19:06

I Am Amused- tickled, with a hint of sarcasm, and a dash of sass. Served with live laughter on a soft bed of giggles.

posted by redvixen 06 September | 19:50

I AM CURIOUS (YELLOW) - A mango curry chutney served with accompanyment - the waitperson will start in with a "boom chicka bow wow" once you take a bite.

posted by deadcowdan 06 September | 20:27

This place is for real!!!???

Oh, mannnnn . . .

posted by jason's_planet 06 September | 20:42

When speaking amongst themselves, what does the wait staff call them?

posted by box 06 September | 21:11

I AM GUTSY live spelt shell "haggis", stuffed with organic spaghetti squash and alfalfa sprouts, rolled in crushed carob and raw sunflower seeds and drizzled with organic tamari. Enough for two!

I AM MOURNFUL- hot sherry vinegar, garnished with chunks of real kosher sea salt and grated raw red onion

posted by PinkStainlessTail 06 September | 21:15

I AM A MURDERER OF INNOCENTS - A luscious salad comprised of quivering sunflower seedlings who will never know the sun's kisses, tiny broccoli sprouts too young and tender to understand thier awful fate, and a handful of screaming live croutons. If you hated Botany 101, here's your chance to really stick it to Kingdom Plantae.

posted by maryh 06 September | 21:34

For some reason, I am reminded of Ikea's goofy product names, like KÖKKRING bagel plates and FAZZIBYTS pruning shears....

posted by rob511 07 September | 04:32

The food sounds good but the atmosphere made me lose my appetite.

posted by sciurus 07 September | 07:29

I AM GENEROUS guacamole

I thought that was a mexican porn flick...

posted by jonmc 07 September | 10:16

As much as I love a whole menu full of vegan eats and treats it makes my throat clench that it always have to be served with such jackassery. We have a good raw food joint in Chicago called Karyn's Raw and it's really good (and pricey as all hell) and has a neat market (and...a yoga studio in back...)but the most interesting thing is apparently Karyn is a hyper bitch with ginormous breast implants, so its possible to sit down and eat and feel like that eating raw foods won't turn you into some peace bloated acid casualty.

Also, we have some sort of place called Cousin's Incredible Vitality or something like that. And tho I'll never set food in there, I like that he went with the complete crazy name.

some of those dishes on the menu seemed like they were at the end of their posi-naming dictionary, I AM ACCEPTING seems pretty flat.

ug.

posted by Mrs.Pants 07 September | 21:09

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