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31 August 2006

I just got a pack of Chuckles from the vending machine. I'm enjoying them, except for the black one, since I detest licorice. I offered it to my cubies, but they don't want it either. Nobody likes the black Chuckle. Why do they keep making it?

post by: jonmc at: 12:29 | 27 comments

Actually, I managed to pawn the black Chuckle off on Bill in the next cube, who says he didn't used to like the black Chuckle, but now he loves them. He's also very big in the NYC Green Party. I don't know if these two things are connected.

posted by jonmc 31 August | 12:33

probably for the same reason that they still make necco wafers, which i swear can be substituted for chalk if you ever need to play an emergency game of hopscotch. bleah.

posted by syntax 31 August | 12:34

actually, back in my bookstore days, my buddy Patrick the Sci-Fi Guy brought in a bag of Necco wafers and we did an experiment to see if you could tell the difference in flavors blind and it was all suggested by the colors. As I placed one on his tongue like a communion wafer, the manager came by and said he might have to separate us for the night.

posted by jonmc 31 August | 12:36

Part of the deal the Ebenezer "Chuck" Chuckles made with the devil back in 1919 was that he would always keep at least one candy dedicated to the Dark Lord. Once they discontinued Snappy-Satan-Snaps in 1953 that meant that the black Chuckle was pretty much left to honor the agreement.

posted by Slack-a-gogo 31 August | 12:37

This means I've handed Bill eternal hellfire, I guess. No worries, though. As an activist he'll pass a petition on behalf of the damned.

posted by jonmc 31 August | 12:39

For a few years Necco Wafers could replace quarters in toll baskets, much to the dismay of toll collectors. The wafers broke and jammed up the machines, and in Illinois I remember it was a pretty expensive process to fix it.

Speaking of crappy candy, do they still make wax lips? How about those wax bottles filled with crappy syrup? They were the absolute bottom of the candy food chain for me.

posted by Slack-a-gogo 31 August | 12:43

How about those wax bottles filled with crappy syrup?

Well, the bottles are gone, but I think the syrup is now sold in sex shops as 'flavored lubricant.'

posted by jonmc 31 August | 12:49

What about those dots on paper? Those are awful.

I recently learned that they still make Big League Chew. And, of course, they still make candy cigarettes.

posted by box 31 August | 12:53

There is nothing like a pair of waxed lips to really make you feel like a welfare case, fucking awful, not candy in any way bullshit puritan punishment food. All Mhawhhng mhawhhhng chewing wax like a lobotomized dog. Feh.

posted by Divine_Wino 31 August | 12:56

What about those dots on paper? Those are awful.

I always kinda liked those. They'd also make a great LSD delivery system.

posted by jonmc 31 August | 12:57

Slack-a-gogo, aren't Circus Peanuts officially the bottom of the candy food chain?

posted by taz 31 August | 13:11

No those would be Canada Mints, whose wintergreen flavor is colored red for Pete's sake.

posted by jonmc 31 August | 13:13

tell me - do you eat chuckles from the cherry end or save the cherry for last? i always save the cherry for last. also, over the years the taste of the black one has grown on me. this comment is non-sexual in nature, by the way.

posted by quonsar 31 August | 13:40

this comment is non-sexual in nature, by the way.

It's ok, quonsar. I know I'm irresistibly cute, so I'm used to it.

(to answer the question, I don't usually have a pattern, but I wound up eating the orange one last today)

posted by jonmc 31 August | 13:44

Once you taste the black, you never go back.

posted by stilicho 31 August | 14:03

Hey, this is kind of funny: evidently the bad-candy.com messageboards are in flames, with nastygrams and threats of lawsuits and subpoenas because somebody apparently called somebody's wife a dirty ho, or something. [site]

I guess those bad candy discussions get kinda heated.

posted by taz 31 August | 14:11

I like black jellybeans, but I can't even remember the last time I had Chuckles. Not a big fan of chewing through an inch of sugar-crusted, jellified artificial flavoring. (Sugar-glazed artificial flavoring in smaller-than-bite-sized pieces is just fine, apparently.)

posted by me3dia 31 August | 14:25

Slack-a-gogo, aren't Circus Peanuts officially the bottom of the candy food chain?

I sort of enjoy circus peanuts. My wife and I have argued before over me buying a bag of circus peanuts ("What are you going to do with them? Please tell me that you're not actually going to eat them!?!?"). And a friend from college mailed me a bag of circus peanuts that he saw at a truckstop because I was the only person he had ever heard of that ate one and somehow enjoyed it. With all that said, I'm good for only a few circus peanuts every four or five years - any more would be gross.

And I like the dots on paper too - I think. I haven't had them in about twenty years.

posted by Slack-a-gogo 31 August | 14:36

So what are these dots on paper, now? The dots on paper I'm thinking of were not generally sold in candy stores. Linky?

posted by taz 31 August | 14:45

I just ate 3 of these . Hopefully the coma won't last long.

posted by chewatadistance 31 August | 14:47

Remember the MST3K homemade epicac? A bowl of Orange Circus Peanuts covered with cherry cough syrup. Mmmmmmm!!!

Oh and re: black licorice:

Snaps, muthafuckas! Do you speak it?

posted by KevinSKomsvold 31 August | 15:03

taz:

So what are these dots on paper, now? The dots on paper I'm thinking of were not generally sold in candy stores. Linky?

taz - these are the dots on paper that I was thinking of. I guess they're called candy buttons. They were really nothing more than colored sugar stuck to paper.

posted by Slack-a-gogo 31 August | 15:12

Sky Bar.≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by getoffmylawn 31 August | 16:33

My father gave me $2 a week as an allowance, and I spent it at the penny candy store. $2 filled a small paperbag with candy.

I propose a giant gobstopper, as big as the bunny on the hill. We could tunnel through it with our tongues.

posted by Pips 31 August | 17:02

(I do love me some Swedish fish. They don't make black Swedish fish, it seems. I only like the red ones.)

posted by Pips 31 August | 17:05

goml, I love Sky Bars! I used to imagine they were like candy on mars. This was mostly because they were really rare and you hardly ever saw them, so clearly they must have come from outer space.

What I hate is Charleston Chews. I ate them religiously for two entire summers because you could win a pony with the wrapper and so I sent in wrapper. . after wrapper. .. after wrapper AND YET DID I EVER WIN A PONY? WAS A PONY EVER DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE? I THINK NOT, CHARLESTON CHEW! YOU LIED TO ME, EVIL BARONS OF CANDY! I weep to think of all the good candy I could have been buying and eating but instead I ate Charleston Chews, and hated them, but ate them anyway because that was part of the pony winning ritual.

posted by mygothlaundry 31 August | 18:05

The candy bar I miss most is the Marathon Bar (the American caramel and Milk Chocolate one, not the European peanut butter one). I can still remember the commercials with Quick Carl and the ruler on the wrappers. Now THAT was a candy bar. Lasts a good long time.

posted by Slack-a-gogo 31 August | 20:15

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