Have you tried the brutally honest approach? I like you and everything but I don't feel comfortable with you staying over, I'm sorry, but that's that and nothing that you can say will change my mind. At least this way if things go sideways, you can never be accused of being devious and no matter what happens, you can still feel good about yourself that you didn't compromise your position. (You know if you do, you may wake up in the morning and look at her and hate yourself. I'd suggest sparing yourself the aggravation. Really. It gives you wrinkles.)

(1) Don't flirt, not even a little bit. If you have history you probably can't help it, so pretend she's a relative or hideously ugly - it's the only thing that can stop you sending out those signals.

(2) Don't let her anywhere near your place and be brusque. Cut any hinting "it would be nice not having to drive all that way" off immediately, leaving no doubt as to your lack of intentions. Don't use any qualifiers in your sentences "I'd love to have you round but..."

In short: When she flirts? Be totally unresponsive. Women, unless very drunk, get the message a lot better than men.

I will be your stunt long distance girlfriend in a pinch. IM me and I'll act all weird and jealous-like.

Or, find her a local place to stay that is NOT YOUR HOUSE, a cheap motel, a friend who is out of town.

Or, tell her you have pink eye and she just can't linger in the place [or replace with some other terrible thing which means you can't touch the towels or the sheets]

Or, don't invite her to your house. Make something up or tell her the truth but go out to dinner and then don't go home.

A lot of this depends on how honest you guys normally are with each other and whether she has any reason to think staying over would be AOK (like, does she normally stay over, is this a departure?) but it's totally fine for you to say what you said here "sucks to be you but I'm not comfortable having you stay here" in some nicer way.

"in some nicer way."
posted by jessamyn

Yes. I should've said be nice about it. I was typing fast because of the "matter of minutes" part. :)

She's going to, without fail, do two things: 1. hit on me,

Mr Zevon put it best:

'These young girls won't let me be/Poor, poor pitiful me...'

"You're a great friend, and you mean a lot to me, but under no circumstances will my naughty bits and your naughty bits get together for a leisurely brunch in Sexytown. Have a nice drive home!"

cmonkey wins! :D

We just got back from dinner. I'm gona take for a driving tour of the city (she's never been here before) and then give her the talk. I'm avoiding eye contact and taking a step backwards everytime she comes near me. If she's insistant (which she's starting to be) about spending the night, I've got a couch and've already pointed out how damn comfy it is. Oh, and I made up a story about having a *very* early meeting, I've got to go to bed early, and she'll need to clear out by 7:30 a.m.

She's the wounded-bird type, and it's hard to say no to her, but I'm gonna do okay tonight.

Thanks for the advice, all. I actually do have a local girlfriend, Jess, but I'm tempted to see how 'weird and jealous-like' you can get...

She's the wounded-bird type, and it's hard to say no to her

I suspect she's not the wounded-bird type so much as an expert at striking wounded-bird poses to get what she wants.

That said, hope it goes well for you. Stay strong.

item if you're still near, listen to jason's planet dude. its true, the wounded-bird thing can be, and most often is, a huge tony-award-winning act.

women are evil incarnate. I know this cos I is one. manipulations galore.

If you have a local girlfriend, this should be a no-brainer: GO STAY WITH HER and let the birdgirl stay in your place alone. I am on chat in case you get weak.

also: jonmc, please YSE that song.

Manipulative women are manipulative. As are manipulative men. I don't really think being a jerk is gender specific.

But I wish you the best, item. Getting stuck in the middle of these sorts of things can suck.

I hardly got any sleep last night, this woman kept banging on my door. Finally I had to just get up and let her out.