Story #1:

My friend’s sister’s (non-Amish) neighbours have an out-of-control teenager, Dan. Dan is well on his way to being a juvvie. Recently, his parents tasked him with painting the garage door. He spent most of his time mooning everyone who went by and as his parents are just down the road from the main intersection of [the little town where my friend’s sister lives], he had quite an audience. Surprisingly, no one in this mostly Mennonite town called the police.

Anyway, two days ago my friend’s sister heard yelling and went outside to see what was going on. The neighbour kid was yelling down the street at an Amish man and hurling insults and accusations and obscenities. Whatever Dan said, the Amish guy just yelled back "only homos show their ass". To get that effect, you have to picture a bearded, straw-hatted, suspender-wearing man yelling that sentence. The homophobic overtone of this comeback aside, I can almost credit the Amish man deliberately and unerringly selected the single most maddening thing he could say to this little punk and working it, and suspect it made the kid frantic with impotent rage.

Story #2:

Fifteen years ago, a high-school-era then-boyfriend of mine had gone to a friend’s (liberal Mennonite) church on a Saturday afternoon to play the piano for her while she rehearsed her solo for the next day. After they’d finished practicing, they walked outside to the parking lot to behold three Amish men doing “donuts” in a black van in the parking lot, and yelling “HEY BABY!!!!” at two Mennonite girls who were walking by.

Story #3:

Again about fifteen years ago, a friend of my then boyfriend’s was walking in the woods near her country house one afternoon when she heard… noises… in a clearing up ahead. She stepped into the clearing to find two Amish men and an Amish woman having an enthusiastic if not quite no-holds-barred threeway. The woman hadn’t quite managed to shed all her inhibitions because although, like the men, she was buck naked, she was still wearing her bonnet, its strings tied in a demure bow under her chin.

she was buck naked, she was still wearing her bonnet, its strings tied in a demure bow under her chin.

Somewhere, above a fetish webmaster's head, a lightbulb just appeared.

she was buck naked, she was still wearing her bonnet, its strings tied in a demure bow under her chin.

BEST story EVER!

That Rumspringa documentary from a few years ago, Devil's Playground>? Very much worth seeing.

I love your little vingettes, Orange Swan. I wonder if you have been published somewhere. . .your stuff is good enough.

Thanks for sharing.

*gets sprung*

Ah, nothing like a Friday afternoon reading Orange Swan stories. Happy happy!

Man, those are some great stories. And I put Devil's Playground on my netflix list.

Rumspringa would be an awesome band name.

I like big bonnets and I cannot lie
you Mennonites can't deny...

-Baby Got Bonnet


also recommend Devil's Playground.

I took this picture on one of my visits to Southern Ohio. I thought it illustrated the dichotomy of the Amish/American ways of living.
≡ Click to see image ≡

Geez.

They looked so . . . innnocent.

WTF do i know?