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03 August 2006
Your most senseless fears and worries.→[More:]Sometimes when I'm driving to work (in my very own car), I'll suddently panic and start rummaging around in my purse because I'm certain I've left my keys at home.
What worries do you have that make you want to smack yourself silly?
Fire. Not large, raging brush fires or anything like that. More like lighting a candle. I hate operating a lighter. I don't have any particular consequence in mind, but I just don't like it.
Every Christmas, everyone in my parents' neighbor puts luminaries in front of their house (paper bags with candles in them). My mom makes me light them because she gets some sort of perverse joy from watching me suffer (she admits to this). And my brother always manages to get his grubby hands on the long BBQ lighter before I can. I think this year I'll buy my own long lighter.
I am quite convinced every night that criminals are going to break into my house and kill me. This leads to many rechecks that the doors are locked and a reluctance to sleep with the windows open.
Old Fear: I used to be quite convinced that the airplane I was riding in was going to crash. Then one year I had this temporary apartment facing National Airport in DC. I used to sit on the balcony and watch the planes land, and there were so many of them, like 15 or 20 in an hour, that it finally gave me perspective on how MANY planes are out there on any given day and how small the odds are for an accident that I actually lost that fear.
I'm really nervous about reaching my hand out to open big doors. I'm afraid that someone on the other side will push it open at the same time and jam my fingers with the door.
Even when I was a smoker, I was terrified to be around a gas station with a lit cigarette. When I'm at the pump now and see someone smoking, I want to dive under the nearest large vehicle for safety.
I'm always making sure that my keys are in my bag. It doesn't matter how many times I've checked before leaving the house, while walking out the door, the check right before I close the door, while walking down the street, while on the bus, and while at work - I'll still make sure that they're there.
I think it comes from never ever wanting to be homeless again, and being able to get into the house that I live in means that I won't be tonight.
Miko, where on earth are you seeing people smoking at a gas station?!
My senseless fear is that I will somehow cut my hands very badly. I'm good with knives, I don't drink and chop, but I still have very vivid imagery of deep gashes.
Suffocation. I have an irrational fear of not being able to breathe. Someone's hand over my mouth and nose. Makes me take a deep breath just to think of it.
Someone standing behind me. Freaks me out. When I'm at my desk, I tell my students not to linger behind me. I get strange looks.
Being buried alive. I fear people thinking I'm dead when I'm really not. It's why I want to be cremated. At least it's over quick. I find it hard to imagine I really won't ever be aware of anything ever again. Dead. I'm not convinced. (My birth mother had the same fear.)
I share the homelessness fear, too. But I figure I could always break a store window or something if I got really desperate, force someone to help me (not that prison would be a picnic). And the someone climbing through my window fear (i.e., rapists). I turned down the first apartment we looked at because of easy alley window access (I think jon thought I was a little nuts). I'm like a cat. I like it up high, with long brick walls to scale. If I could live in a tower, I would.
And sometimes when I'm home alone in the shower I get this weird feeling that someone else is in the apartment. I'll stop and listen closely for noises. Freaky.
This thread reminded me that I'm afraid of rollercoasters and of falling from a great height (which is different from being afraid of heights, I think).
Bugs. Especially flying ones. Yes I know they're smaller than me. Yes I know they're probably more scared than me than I am of them, but I believe they've come into my home because they know how terrified I am of them and are doing it deliberately.
People touching my neck from behind. I can't stand it.
Slipping in the bathtub, breaking my leg and not being able to summon help.
A terrorist attack on Canary Wharf (where I work). There is no security on the Docklands Light Railway and someone with a bomb could get on a train and explode it at Canary Wharf.
Pips, I'm absolutely with you on the suffocation thing. I don't even like to sleep facing my husband because it feels like he's taking up all the oxygen. I've woken up in a panic and had to open a window because it felt like there was no air in the room. Weird thing is, the youngest of my 3 brothers (they're all older than me) is the same way, so we're convinced the other two must have done something to us when we were little.
Ok, whenever I use a handicapped stall, I'm afraid that if I lean on the metal rail too hard, the wall will open up into either a) a magical land of adventure or b) hell.
I'm afraid of losing my home and what would happen to my kids. It stems from all the years in the past where money was extrememly tight. I am doing the best I ever have, now, but it's still a chilling fear.
And fire. Any kind of fire.
And ferociouskitty, there was a time when I was just a kid and my grandmother told me to run out to her car (actually me and my brother). She came out of the butcher shop to find us in the back seat of someone else's car!
So, yeah, I'm now always checking that I'm getting in the right vehicle!
Sometimes when I'm driving to work (in my very own car), I'll suddently panic and start rummaging around in my purse because I'm certain I've left my keys at home.
Please pull over when you do this. I'm afraid of oblivious people who aren't looking out for motorcyclists. Oh, wait, you said senseless fears.
Yeah, pup, they say you can do the Heimlich on yourself, up against the end of a table or something, but I'm dubious.
Welcome aboard, kitty... I even asked the anesthesiologist before my surgery last week if they'd be using a mask to administer the anesthesia (somewhat strange look there, too, but I had to ask, for reassurance)... No anesthesia in the mask (intravenous), but oxygen, which did start to freak me out a bit... they'd given me some stuff to make me whoozy after strapping me into the operating table arm boards and asked if I was okay... I said yes, but the mask is bothering me, and they lifted it up some... it was a clear, springy plastic mask... it was oxygen, but it made me feel like I couldn't breathe... everyone was so nice at the hospital... soon after, I was out out... when I woke up, I thought they hadn't started...
Me? This isn't really groundless but whenever I'm driving next to the center divider on a freeway (or expressway as you call them out here on the Right Coast) and there's no shoulder, I'm always afraid I'm going to smash right into it. Which is why I don't do it, unless I HAVE to.