Sorry Hugh, no, not even the funky-shaped colored paper clips would do it for me.
A big ol' ball of masking tape, though -- softball-sized -- now that would be happiness. Because, you know, you could throw it at the back of Amy Yates' head and it would stick in her hair and she'd flail about and try to reach it but it would be all tangled and she'd run crying to the teacher. That would be happiness. Because she's a stupid meanie head.