This is something that happened to someone I dated a few times.

Once upon a time “Robert” started dating a woman named “Shannon”. He really liked her, although he soon picked up on the fact that she wasn’t the most accommodating person. For instance, she would come into the bathroom when he was using it. He would say, “Shannon, I’m in here,” and she would say, “So?” Or she would talk rather too sternly to her four-year-old, making no attempt to soften what she had to say. But he figured it was liveable and he liked her a lot.

When they’d been going out for three months, she had to go to Atlanta on business. She asked him, “Do you want to come with me? I can just expense it through the company.”
He said yes, he’d like very much to go. He went, and they were having a lovely time. The night before they were to come back they got back to their hotel room at midnight.

They had a bit of dispute about the air conditioning. She complained of the heat and cranked up the A/C unit; he was finding it too cold. But she insisted on leaving the A/C on full blast, and so he decided to just deal with it. She went into the bathroom, and he was in bed watching TV. There was no remote, so he had to get up and change the channel, and he was just getting back into bed when she came out of the bathroom.

She said, “Did you touch the air conditioning?”

He said, “No, I just got up to change the channel.”

She said, “Well, you better not have.”

“Well, I didn’t.”

“You better not have!”

It went back and forth like this a few more times, with her going at him, and he tried to make peace by saying, “Shannon, let’s not make a big deal out of this,” and then, “Shannon, you’re really spoiling the mood here,” and finally, “Shannon, I don’t like the way you’re talking to me.”

She said, “I paid for you to be here so I can talk to you anyway I want.”

That did it. Robert said, "Fuck you," and then got out of bed, got dressed, put his things in his back pack, and picked up the keys to the rental car.

She said, nastily, “Don’t you take those keys!”

Robert said, “Shannon, I need to drive around and find a hotel room for the rest of the night. All you need to do is take a taxi to the airport in the morning. I’ll return the car to the rental place tomorrow.”

Shannon said, “If you take that car I’m calling the police!”

He took the car. She called the police.

Robert drove around Atlanta looking for a hotel room. Everything was booked. Finally he got a hotel room in what he thought must be one of the worst parts of Atlanta. In the morning he went out on his balcony and saw two guys trying to steal the rental car. He yelled down at them, “Hey guys! I wouldn’t steal that car if I were you! It’s been reported stolen! I know because I stole it!”

The two would-be thieves looked at him, and then at each other, and then jumped into another car and took off.

Robert had to change his plane ticket because he didn’t want to have to sit next to Shannon for an entire Atlanta to Toronto flight. So he called Air Canada and tried to switch flights, but the customer service person said, “I’m sorry sir, but this ticket was bought with air miles and cannot be exchanged.” Robert cursed inwardly and then said, mildly, “Do you have a few minutes?” The customer service person said, “Sure, “ so Robert told her the A/C story. She laughed her ass off and then switched the ticket for him.

The next item of business was to take back the car. Robert dropped it off at the airport. All is routine, the requisite forms are filled out, and at the last moment, Robert said to the woman behind the desk, “Just so you know… the car has been reported stolen.”

The woman, obviously a seasoned professional, didn’t even blink. She said, “All right sir, I’ll write that down on the form.”

Robert got back to Toronto without further mishaps, and then the next day got a call from Shannon, who said she didn’t know what had gotten into her, must have been the heat, she must have had PMS… etc. He said whatever, because by that point he wanted nothing further to do with her.

A few days later in the morning he got a call from her, and she said, in a demanding tone, “I called you last night, and you weren’t home. Where were you?”

“I was out.”

“Were you on a date?”

He wasn’t, he was out running, but he said, “Yes I was.”

“DID YOU HAVE SEX?!?!?!!!

“Yes I did.”

SLAM. She hung up. Robert shrugged and made breakfast, but then twenty minutes later the doorbell rang. Why, who could that be?

It was Shannon. When he opened the door, she screeched, “YOU SLUT!!!!!!!” and bam! she punched him in the face so hard he staggered back against the wall.

Then she ran past him into his place and picked up a tray of glasses and hurled them against the wall. She started to break some other things before Robert managed to muster his wits. Fortunately she was small, so Robert got behind her and bear hugged her, pinning her arms to her sides, and he just hung on until she calmed down.

The she asked him to delete the answering machine message she’d recorded for him on his phone. He did so, and then she left. He went to the police and got an order of trespass. When she called again, he told her he didn’t want her calling him anymore. She called a few times after that and then stopped.

Later the week of Shannon’s surprise visit Robert went over to his mother’s place, where she was having tea with two gay neighbours of hers. Robert had a cut on his face from a ring Shannon had been wearing when she punched him, and his mother said, “What happened to your face, dear?”

He said, “Oh, I cut myself shaving.”

His mother bought this, but when she wasn’t looking the gay neighbours gave Robert knowing winks.

Airlines suck in many ways but I have always found that most of their frontline folks are almost unbelievably helpful when you talk to them nicely and tell them why you really need their help.

Oh, and Robert needs to be more discerning. ;>

Another great story! This is my favorite so far. I hope you're saving these for the book that you're going to write.

Lord, and I thought I had a bad hotel-room weekend. I wish mine were funny in some way, though.

Any chance we could get Shannon and Darren together?

I dunno, I think if you're going out with someone for three months, she deserves a better breakup than "whatever," and not calling her anymore. I mean yeah, she's a crazy bitch, but she's still human.

Bipolar or borderline.

Run, run like the wind. And check any boiling pots on your stove for bunnies.

muddgirl, I gotta respectfully disagree. I mean, yeah, she's human, but when you go that bonkers on someone, it's permissable to say "You're bonkers and you stay away from me."

Also, good story tellin', there, OS.

Scary thing is, she has a four-year-old. Seriously, I hope the kid isn't in danger.