Screw the vending machines - someone needs to develop a head cleaner/degausser/realigner for credit card readers first.

They're better than they used to be though. I know, they still won't take anything too wrinkled but they used to be SO. AWFUL. where they would only take bills that just five minutes ago came rolling off the presses and there you were, stuck with a dollar with a torn corner, possibly trapped inside a parking garage or dying of thirst and craving a Coke, that I am grateful for even this small advance in technology.

There's nothing worse than that dollar spit-back. It's like it's sticking it's tongue out atcha.

(I once made a valiant effort to tilt a dorm vending machine to get some vanilla wafer creme cookies to drop. They were caught on that metal hoop thing. I'm lucky the machine didn't fall on me. These were desperate times.)

(one time a machine gave me two packs of starburst when I only paid for one. it was the highlight of my work week)

Not to mention: How about those clowns in Congress?! What a bunch of clowns!

Hey, we could use more clowns in congress. The man-makeup-carrying-rubber-chicken demographic is severely underrepresented.