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07 July 2006

What do you know? You know the feeling when the lighbulb comes on, you smack yourself on the forehead and say, "duh?" Share some examples with me.[More:] Much more from the readers of Cockeyed can be found here, and similarly, Matt Baldwin's Tricks of the Trade.
A few tricks, secrets and facts I've learned, and also "duh" moments I've had:

-When you're watching tv and want to take a smoke break or make a phone call during commercial breaks, the easy warning that you only have about ten seconds or so before the show comes back is that they show a "house ad." This will be in the form of a ten second or so promo for one of that station's/network's shows. My friend who works for a tv station taught me this.

-If you're cooking with garlic, onions or something else that makes your hands stinky, just rub a lemon wedge on your hand afterwards.

-If you make a pot of coffee too strong, just add more hot water ( a real "duh" moment for me).

-Hollywood celebrities who are "surprised" to get an award or a star on the walk of fame are full of shit. They have to submit themselves to be nominated (and pay cash for their stars!)

-Put sunscreen on before you leave for the beach (first coat I mean), without your swim suit on. You are more likely to cover everything, you won't burn around straps, you won't end up with gritty sand stuck to you, and the sunscreen has time to absorb and will actually be more effective!
posted by SassHat 07 July | 13:48
Oh, and another one I was just discussing this morning with my roommate - brown bread (any type of wheat/whole grain bread) toasts faster than white bread. So if you're really hungry, and have a choice between the two, choose the brown bread. Not only is it better for you, but your toast/grilled cheese will be ready faster!
posted by SassHat 07 July | 13:55
These are interesting, but I have to say he's wrong about mixing dough: most people don't mix enough and you can taste it.
posted by dame 07 July | 14:00
Dame, one of the people who wrote in actually corrected him as well. In my experience this is true mainly for things like biscuits.
posted by SassHat 07 July | 14:01
When you're watching tv and want to take a smoke break or make a phone call during commercial breaks, the easy warning that you only have about ten seconds or so before the show comes back is that they show a "house ad."

I was so proud of myself for figuring this one out on my own.

So if you're really hungry, and have a choice between the two, choose the brown bread.

If you're that hungry, just eat a piece of bread!
posted by agropyron 07 July | 14:54
the easy warning that you only have about ten seconds or so before the show comes back is that they show a "house ad."

I think they got wise to this and started throwing them in the middle of longer commercial breaks. Especially during sports events.
posted by mullacc 07 July | 14:57
I don't watch sports, so I couldn't say. But I do know that there is almost always a network promo at the beginning and end of the commercial break because they are the spots most likely to be paid attention to. It's called "sandwiching." During high-profile programming with big ad revenue on the line, I'm sure they might sell the sandwich spots at a premium sometimes, because they don't need the self-promotion as much as the cash? That would back up your theory, Mullacc.
posted by SassHat 07 July | 15:01
If CD of yours skips, try burning it. Many times it will come out good ass new.
posted by Hellbient 07 July | 15:03
If your pee tastes too sour or bitter, eat a whole container of ice cream, wait and try again.

Seeee?!
posted by Hellbient 07 July | 15:05
If you get in a guitar-solo competition with the devil, try and change one of his strings when he's not looking so that he will have two A strings.
posted by Hellbient 07 July | 15:09
Agro, I know you're probably kidding, but I mean in a situation where you're at a busy diner or someone's cooking for you. If you aren't very patient (like me), the brown bread will be the winner. If you're starving, yeah. Just eat some bread or an apple or something.
posted by SassHat 07 July | 15:12
Great advice, hellbient.
posted by Miko 07 July | 15:27
Try to die on a Wednesday. It gives everyone a superlong weekend, plus time to recover from the hangover.
posted by ColdChef 07 July | 15:35
COLDCHEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 07 July | 15:40
Also: when you start a new job, the first person to try to be your friend is the last person you want as a friend. They are only trying to be your friend because they have already pissed off everyone hired before you.

(Hugs to ThePinkSuperhero)
posted by ColdChef 07 July | 15:57
also, when starting a new job, on the first day pick out a smaller person than you and kick their ass good. No one will fuck with you for the rest of your tenure.
Duh.
posted by Hellbient 07 July | 16:04
hellbient's trick works great for rookie kindergarten teachers
posted by Atom Eyes 07 July | 16:30
...and movie theaters, weddings, and parties.
posted by Hellbient 07 July | 16:47
It's really difficult to put a face and the picture on an ID together because the person you're staring at is older, has a different haircut, and you're looking at him from a different angle.

This is also why ID (passport, etc) pictures always look so funny.
posted by Daniel Charms 07 July | 17:07
- The Russian city of St. Petersburg is named after Saint Peter, not Peter the Great (who founded the city).

- HTH stands for 'hope that helps'. HTH.
posted by Daniel Charms 07 July | 17:27
"When drawing a cartoon, write the words first, then draw a speech balloon around them."

Or: use a pencil, then trace with pen.
posted by Eideteker 07 July | 18:37
This one has been working really well for me recently, except when I'm drunk and wanna argue.
posted by muddgirl 07 July | 18:53
Washington apples come from Washington state, not Washington D.C. I felt so dumb when a girlfriend from Maryland "helped" me figure that out ("Where would they grow them? On the Mall?").

posted by PinkStainlessTail 07 July | 20:55
Times Square in New York is named after the New York Times. Which used to have its offices there.

I was 30 when I figured that out.
posted by Miko 07 July | 23:04
Growing up, we only had electric stoves/ovens. So when I was in junior high I thought Sylvia Plath commited suicide by sticking her head in the oven and cooking herself to death.

It was high school (possibly even freshman year of college) when the whole gas thing became clear to me.
posted by scody 08 July | 01:32
0.999999... is 1.
posted by Daniel Charms 08 July | 15:05
Those black and yellow, 45 degree angle striped warning signs you see at the start of bridges and other highway interuptions point which way to bear when you encounter them.
IE:
//
//
//
//
means keep left,

\\
\\
\\
\\
means keep right,

and
//\\
//\\
//\\
//\\
means keep left or right (found at the centre island of off ramps).
posted by Mitheral 08 July | 22:52
How come rivers and oceans are referred to || Hope me prove a point, science boffins.

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