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I'M TIRED AND GRUMPY AND FRUSTRATED AND WENT TO GO TO THE TANNING CLINIC THAT I FINALLY ADMITTED MYSELF TO (WHEN YOU ARE THIS PALE, IT IS A CLINIC, NOT A SALON) AND I CAN'T FIND THE FREAKING GOGGLES SO I COULDN'T GO AND I HAVE A WEBINAR - YES YOU HEARD ME A WEBINAR - AT ONE - DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN? I HATE THOSE THINGS. THEN THERE IS TO BE FREE ICE CREAM IN THE BREAK ROOM BUT I AM FAT AND PALE AND WILL GRUMPILY REFUSE ICE CREAM AND MY HOUSE LOOKS LIKE AN APPALACHIAN YARD BECAUSE THE HUSBAND IS CHANGING JOBS AND ALL HIS STUFF CAME HOME TWO PICK UP TRUCKS FULL IN THE LAST TWO DAYS AND THERE IS TOO MUCH STUFF I WANT TO LIVE IN A SPARSE WHITE APARTMENT WITH MY OWN PASTY SELF AND I AM GOING TO DROP IN THE SOCCER POOL AND THE OWEN INJURY AND THAT MAY BE JUST ABOUT IT FOR NOW THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.
OH AND I STILL DON'T HAVE THE NEW COMPUTER HOOKED UP MUCH LESS A CAMERA FOR THE FUNZY SKIN FLICKS THIS FRIDAY. IF I WAS IN THERE, I'D BE THE SEXAHY PALE MOTHERFUCKER.
I WAS VERY VERY PALE UNTIL A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO. I WAS ALMOST LUMINOUS WHITE BUT THEN I TRIED A FAKE TANNER AND IT IS REALLY GOOD. LIKE ANY PAINTING JOB, THE SKILL IS IN THE PREPARATION - SANDING AND PRIMING (OR EXFOLIATING AND MOISTURISING) - AND I SPENT AGES PREPARING MY SKIN WITH EXFOLIATING GLOVES IN THE SHOWER, NIVEA SHOWER OIL AND THEN VASELINE INTENSIVE CARE LOTION, BEFORE I PUT ON THE FAKE TANNER AND NOW I AM ALL GOLDEN BROWN AND EVERYBODY AT WORK THINKS I'VE BEEN AWAY SOMEWHERE HOT. IT WAS L'OREAL SUBLIME BRONZING GEL IN CASE YOU ARE INTERESTED RAINBABY. I CANNOT LIE IN THE REAL SUN BECAUSE I BURN.
I AM IN PMS HELL!!! I WANT TO RIP SOMEONE'S HEAD OFF! I WANT TO SLEEP! I WANT TO EAT! I WANT TO SNUGGLE! FUCK! WHY IS MY APARTMENT NOT ALL GORGEOUS AND UNPACKED AND DECORATED LIKE A DESIGNER'S APARTMENT? MY JOB IS BORING! I AM OUT OF SHAPE AND MY FOOT HURTS!
OH AND ANOTHER THING! I CAN'T GIVE CEILING CAT ANYTHING TO WATCH BECAUSE OF THE DAMN CRAMPS! AAAAAND I JUST ATE A DONUT AND NOW I'VE GOT SUGAR YUCK TUMMY!
PUTTING ON A SHOW FOR CEILING CAT IS THE BEST WAY TO CURE CRAMPS! I SHOULD HAVE PMS RIGHT NOW BUT IT'S NOT SO BAD SINCE I STARTED TAKING NEW WOMAN TONIC FROM "THE HERBALIST" SHOP IN SEATTLE. I'M A SKEPTIC SO IT MAY JUST BE A PLACEBO EFFECT BUT WHAT THE HELL.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY HAIR- GROW IT OR CUT I.
AND IF ANAL ROOMMATE LEAVES THE BATHMAT IN FRONT OF MY DOOR ONE MORE TIME (AS A HINT THAT I SHOULD WASH IT BECAUSE THE DOG PEED ON IT BECAUSE SHE LEFT THE DOOR OPEN) I SWEAR I WILL PUNCH HER IN HER MOUTH.
I HAD A STUPID 7AM MEETING AND DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PROPERLY PICK MY NOSE IN THE SHOWER TODAY AND I HAVE STUBBORN DRIED NOSE GOBLINS SCRAPPING WITH MY NOSE HAIRS TODAY.
SO I'M REALLY GRUMPY AND
HEY YOU! GET OFF MY LAWN.
and I accidentally gave myself a glow-under-UV tatoo of a dot on my left forefinger. I really shouldn't be admitting that I wasn't wearing proper personal protective equipment
Run your fingers from just above your eyebrows, up your forehead, and through your hair to the top/back of your head, spreading them out as you go up, three or four times. Should stop the twitching.
ALSO MY GYM IS GETTING RECARPETED AND I HATE THAT NEW CARPET SMELL, SO I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO GET DRUNK AGAIN INSTEAD. MAYBE I CAN MAKE IT IN THERE, SEE HOW BAD IT IS.
IF I FREQUENTLY SEEM SHALLOW, IT'S BOTH BECAUSE I AM, AND I ALSO HAVE CONSTRUCTED A CAREFUL FACADE TO COVER MY OVERSENSITIVITY!
I EAT EVILDOERS. I EAT 'EM WITH A SIDE OF FRIES. I DIPS EM IN SPICY MUSTARD AND BOLTS THEM DOWN WITH A COLD ROOTBEER TO FOLLOW. I TAKE EVILDOERS TO THE WOODSHED. I BEAT EVILDOERS LIKE A RENTED MULE. I TAKE EVILDOERS ON A ONE WAY FISHING TRIP. I SEAR EVILDOERS AND SERVE THEM WITH SOY SAUCE AND RICE VINEGAR. I ONCE TAUGHT AN EVILDOER THAT THE SPANISH FOR "GOOD MORNING MADAM" WAS CHUPA MI PICA. I MAILED AN EVILDOER SURFACE MAIL TO DUBAI, NO PACKING MATERIALS. I LEAVE EARLY AND MAKE EVILDOERS PICKUP THE CHECK FOR NINE T-BONE STEAKS AND BAKED ALASKA. I SMOKE EVILDOERS. I RIPPED SEVEN EVILDOERS ICED TEA BONG HITS AND WATCHED FANTASIA ON THE DVD. DON'T BOTHER GETTING YOUR HAIR DID EVILDOERS I'M JUST GONNA MUSS IT UP. EVILDOERS... BEWARE!
IT'S ONLY 11 A.M. AND IT'S ALREADY TOO HOT TO GO OUTSIDE AND I'LL HAVE TO TURN THE A/C ON EARLY TODAY. BUT TONIGHT IS THE FARMER'S MARKET AND I'M GOING TO GO BUY A BUNCH OF FRUIT AND DRINK BEER AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. MY MOM GOT A BAD REPORT FROM HER DOCTOR, THOUGH, WHICH IS SCARY. AND ALSO MY BROTHER IS BEING ALL DOOM-AND-GLOOM ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE'S A BIT OBSESSIVE AND WHILE I CERTAINLY EMPATHIZE, IT'S REALLY ANNOYING ME BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE A RATIONAL CONVERSATION WITH HIM. BUT RAINBABY MAKES ME LAUGH A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT, SO IT'S NOT ALL BAD. I HAD A DREAM ABOUT ROOT BEER JUST AS I WAS WAKING UP, SO I THINK I'M GOING TO GO TO THE 7-11 AND GET ONE.
I WAS ALL HAPPY AND EXCITED ABOUT BUYING A NEW BED, BUT THEN MY CAR SUDDENLY NEEDED SOME EXPENSIVE SURGERY AND NOW I CAN'T AFFORD A BED OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR A WHILE.
PLUS I GOT THE THUMBS DOWN THIS MORNING ON WHAT LOOKED LIKE A PROMISING AND REALLY INTERESTING JOB PROSPECT. I'M NOT DEVASTATED, BUT I'M KIND OF DISAPPOINTED.
I DID HAVE AN NICE DREAM LAST NIGHT, THOUGH, FEATURING LOTS OF MY FRIENDS, INCLUDING MANY OF YOU ALL, HAVING DINNER TOGETHER ON A COMFORTABLE BREEZY PORCH BY THE WATER.
I'M HAVING A VERY FUN SUMMER! SO FAR THIS WEEK, I'VE SPENT TWO DAYS IN THE POOL AND ONE DAY ON THE BOAT. YESTERDAY I SAW "CARS". TOMORROW I AM GOING TO THE ZOO. FRIDAY NIGHT WE'VE GOT AN OVERNIGHT BABYSITTER SO WE CAN DO WHAT PARENTS DO THE WAY WE DID IT BEFORE WE WERE PARENTS.
I AM VERY HAPPY. This is scary, as it means something bad is going to happen to restore balance to my personal universe.
I really hope everything is OK with your mom, pups.
I PROBABLY SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE BUT MOSCH'S SET HAS ME IN THRALL AND THE LIGHT OUTSIDE IS THIS AMAZING GAUZY LEMON AND I SHOULD BE OUT IN THAT LIGHT BUT THERES NO MOSCH MUSIC OUT IN THAT AIR, THAT LEMON GAUZE FANTASTIC AIR.
MY LANDLORD IS OUT OF TOWN AND THEIR EXTENDED FAMILY HAS DESCENDED UPON THE PLACE LIKE A PACK OF I-DON'T-KNOW-WHATS. THEY ARE OBNOXIOUS AND THEIR KIDS ARE PEEING IN THE POOL.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
