MetaChat - I've never done this before/Tell me it'll all be alright.

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21 June 2006

I've never done this before/Tell me it'll all be alright. →[More:]

I think I have to tell her we're better off as friends. She's much younger than me, she knows she has to take a break from constant relationship-to-relationship hopping and straighten out some personal issues, she knows it's a very co-dependant relationship (with most of the dependency on her side), and she knows we'll always love each other and be close and be there for each other no matter what.

SO... Just tell me it'll all be okay, and I can do this thing and say the right things the right way... 'kay?

post by: shane at: 11:38 | 14 comments

kay

posted by rainbaby 21 June | 11:41

I think you'd be better off as friends.

I don't know either of you, but I get this feeling that this is the correct way to go. For a while, there'll be the odd weird moment, and maybe things won't be right straight away, but you're doing the right thing. It'll settle down. Ultimately, you'll both be happier this way. Don't worry. Everything will be OK.

posted by seanyboy 21 June | 11:44

Everything will be okay.

Feathers might get ruffled, prickles may prickle, but ultimately she'll gain some independence and will know that you'll always be there for her. And you'll feel better, knowing that the path ahead of you both is a good and just one.

posted by Specklet 21 June | 11:48

Oh, that's hard, Shane.

You probably will be better off. Good luck (and courage!) for the conversation.

posted by occhiblu 21 June | 11:49

It'll all work out. Just avoid blame. Avoid blaming her, avoid blaming yourself, avoid blaming circumstances, even. It seems like it might render the breakup a little terse, but the silence not blaming creates can be filled with the much more valuable things you both feel and should say.

And, usually, avoiding blame helps make things more honest and nips in the bud those future nagging questions that poison fond memories so.

Sorry to hear things didn't work out. You're a good man, shane.

posted by Hugh Janus 21 June | 11:49

I count three "she knows" in your assessment of the situation. I'd be curious to hear what you'd put in the "I know" column. Would it balance out?

Everything? That'll be fine. Just make sure that you're fine as well.

posted by grabbingsand 21 June | 11:58

Even amicable breakups hurt. It's my experience that the best way to foster a future friendship is just to stay away from each other for a while after the breakup (the cliche is half the length of the relationship [or half the length of the relationship minus one year for every year you are over 35]). I'm sorry to hear about this. There's lots of good advice up there ^^^^.

posted by matildaben 21 June | 11:58

It's always best to be honest, and it's always better to get things like this over with before it's "too late", and breaking up is some kind of impossible emergency.

Good luck, Shane.

posted by interrobang 21 June | 11:59

THANKS, folks.

I'd be curious to hear what you'd put in the "I know" column. Would it balance out?

I'll take stock of my feelings and make sure of that, grabbingsand. Thanks.

posted by shane 21 June | 13:05

You're doing the right thing, Shane, it'll be ok.

posted by chewatadistance 21 June | 13:13

Everything's gonna be alright.

posted by essexjan 21 June | 14:04

Of course it will be OK. You're a good person and she knows it. You'll be fine.

posted by jrossi4r 21 June | 14:06

Meh. I think you'll end up marrying the girl. Codependency can be a good thing if it's complementary.

(Remember bunnies, you heard it here first!)

posted by Doohickie 21 June | 14:37

You can do it, shane. From what I've seen here, you're a fair and articulate man. Deep breaths.

posted by elizard 21 June | 17:00

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