MetaChat - actually, I need a little help here

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21 June 2006

actually, I need a little help here The quakers say, hold in the light. And so I'm asking you to please hold my mother in the light right now. Things are not so good.→[More:]She has recently diagnosed colon cancer and seriously inflamed diverticulitis and maybe some other shit we don't know about yet. It's been a long couple of weeks and it's likely going to get worse. I've been trying really hard to act normal. But I give up.

post by: mygothlaundry at: 21:02 | 43 comments

*hugs mgl, thinks good thoughts for her mother*

posted by elizard 21 June | 21:07

My sympathies to you MGL and I wish you mom the best. There is no shame in not acting "normal" in the face of such pain.

posted by arse_hat 21 June | 21:09

I will. All best to you too.

posted by sophieblue 21 June | 21:10

I'm so sorry! What can we do? For her, for you?

posted by iconomy 21 June | 21:11

mgl, I don't know if I would have the strength to carry on if my mom turned to me and said, after everything that had happened, what your mom said to you. I'll be keeping you and your mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

posted by WolfDaddy 21 June | 21:14

Cripes, mgl, I'm so sorry to hear that. Big hugs.

posted by jrossi4r 21 June | 21:21

Really thinking about you and your mom, mgl. Thank you for asking us for help and hope you can feel it.

posted by Miko 21 June | 21:23

You're very brave, MGL. I left you a note on your blog post.

posted by SassHat 21 June | 21:25

(((mygoth and mum)))

posted by Lipstick Thespian 21 June | 21:25

Thank you so much wolfdaddy. That was the worst thing, jesus. My mother is tough as nails, completely calm and competent and always, always in charge - when she suddenly ceded all control and became 7 today is when it all kind of came crashing down, even though for the last 6 years I've slowly been watching myself become the parent, and my mother become the child. (I moved here to take care of my mother when my father died 6 years ago; my parents are older)

It is such a hard transition and now, right now, it is really really fucking hard and I've just been trying to kind of not say anything and be just, you know, me and not drag anyone else down and hell -

sorry, I have been quiet for a while now. God.

iconomy, please, what I need help with is this, because tomorrow morning I have to be back at the hospital bearing books. All I know is that she loves Dorothy Sayers, since over the last weeks of ever increasing illness that we all kept hoping would go away, she read my whole collection. Shit.

posted by mygothlaundry 21 June | 21:26

I'm so sorry, mgl. There isn't anything to make things better. There isn't much to say, but don't worry about pushing the pain meds.
I can't think of anything good to say, especially as I'm more worried about you than her.
One of my grandmothers died from colon cancer, but she was quite old and smoked Dunhill Reds and ate mostly beef most of her life. I know a few others as well, caught late.
I didn't know them well.

Be well, mgl.

posted by ethylene 21 June | 21:27

*sends good thoughts, feels helpless*

posted by mudpuppie 21 June | 21:28

*sends prayers and hugs* Maybe one or both will help.

posted by Doohickie 21 June | 21:32

I am holding her in the light sweetheart. Please let (us) me know if there is anything that can be done. Be good to her, be good to yourself.

posted by Divine_Wino 21 June | 21:32

I don't know of any books in particular that would help except maybe the Alienist (historical thriller), the Crimson Petal and the White, and maybe some Edith Wharton.

posted by ethylene 21 June | 21:36

The quakers are right. Sending some light your way.

posted by contessa 21 June | 21:43

I hope things work out for you and your mom.

posted by AlexReynolds 21 June | 21:49

Oh MGL, that's so rough. :( And your writing makes it all so immediate. I'm my mom's caretaker, as well, and you're going through exactly what I fear I will one day.

FWIW, it sounds like you're doing everything right by your mom... she's so fortunate to have you. I don't know what else to say except that you'll both be in my thoughts from here on out, and I'll be holding you both in the light.

*hug*

posted by BoringPostcards 21 June | 21:54

I'm always flummoxed when it comes to suggesting books for someone I don't know, but I'll try. This is what I would buy for Queen Victoria - anything by Thomas Hardy, George Eliot, or Jane Austen. They're really pretty well-written and there's no sex or violence to speak of. Good classic stories, and food for thought.

A more modern writer whose written some things she might really enjoy is James Michener. Chesapeake is really pretty intriguing, as is Centennial and South Pacific. All are "old-fashioned" by today's standards but they really hold up well. All of these authors are available in paperback. If you can't find the books that you want at the library, add them to your wishlist and tell us that you did!

The Michener books do contain some non-gratuitous violence, such as a 'cowboys vs indians' or 'settler vs settler' sort of thing, which is integrated well into the story.

posted by iconomy 21 June | 22:11

thank you everyone. This means a lot.

posted by mygothlaundry 21 June | 22:29

Anything by Evelyn Waugh.

Maybe Graham Greene?

I'd also suggest some classics like Tom Jones, Tristan Shandy and the like. So Thackeray would be perfect.

Here's hoping things look up a little for you soon.

posted by GeckoDundee 21 June | 22:31

Just posted in your Ask.Me thread. Sending as many good vibes as I can muster in your direction.

posted by Fuzzbean 21 June | 22:33

Hugs to you, my dear. I'm so sorry to hear this bad news.

posted by matildaben 21 June | 22:38

total hugs to you hon! take care : >

posted by amberglow 21 June | 22:41

mgl, take care... you will need to be the strong one for the others around you. I hope you will be coming here often and will find this place a nice break from all else.... many many hugs.

posted by carmina 21 June | 22:51

Everyone else has said it better, so know that you're not alone, and your mother's not alone. We'll keep you both in our thoughts or prayers.

posted by muddgirl 21 June | 23:26

I'll be thinking of you and your mom, mgl, take care of yourself.

posted by deborah 21 June | 23:47

We went through similar times with my mother-in-law over the last two years. My heart goes out to you. Keep feeling your feelings- that's where strength lies. This is not a normal situation so "normal" is not really relevant. I do believe that the fundamental ground of existence is love. We are steeped in it. It is actually easier to sense in these extreme situations.

posted by pointilist 22 June | 00:20

Caleb Carr wrote a sequel to The Alienist, The Angel of Darkness.

My thoughts are with you.

posted by brujita 22 June | 00:30

Sending good vibes, adding Elizabeth Gaskell to the list.

If she expresses an interest in mysteries again, Simon Brett, Anthony Berkeley (aka Francis Iles), and Peter Lovesey are all great.

She may want stuff to watch too, and I recommend the PBS-BBC adaptations which tend to be really top notch: Moll Flanders, The Way We Live Now, Middlemarch, etc) and likely to be found at a library. (I can't connect to yours tonight)

posted by overanxious ducksqueezer 22 June | 00:58

{{{{ All my superpowerful healing, soothing energy directed toward you and your mom, mgl, and pupps and her mom, too.}}}}

It looks like you have a lot of good book recommendations already, but I'm thinking if there's anything I can add. Unfortunately, when I go to look at my books for inspiration, it's all mostly stuff that she wouldn't much care for... Still thinking.

posted by taz 22 June | 01:47

Words are so inadequate at times like this but they're all I have.

*sends good thoughts*

posted by essexjan 22 June | 03:08

Best wishes

posted by asok 22 June | 06:45

So sorry. . .my Mom is very sick too, and it can be a helpless, nasty feeling. Books help her a great deal too. (((good thoughts)))

posted by rainbaby 22 June | 07:06

(((((mgl and rainbaby)))))

I'm really sorry to hear you guys are going through this. It's a helpless feeling - I went through it with my mom half a decade ago. My only suggestion is to just do your best to love them and yourselves. You guys are in my thoughts.

posted by chewatadistance 22 June | 08:28

Lots of sympathy gothy.

posted by JanetLand 22 June | 08:32

Best wishes to your mum, mgl. Stay strong.

My gran enjoys the Ladies' Detective Agency series - they're great books.

posted by blag 22 June | 08:37

Sending light and many blessings to you and yours.

posted by Specklet 22 June | 10:25

My wishes are with both of you, mygoth...

posted by shane 22 June | 10:35

MGL, you're both definitely in my thoughts. Very sorry to hear about the illness.

posted by agropyron 22 June | 10:41

I'm so sorry, mgl. You and your mother will be in my thoughts.

posted by amro 22 June | 14:01

I was so sorry to hear about your mom. My dad had colon cancer, twice... it was rough. I wasn't the primary caregiver with him like I was with my mom when she had knee and hip surgeries, but I know, it's exhausting. You're there for her, and that's what counts. That's everything.

Hoping for the best, always.

posted by Pips 22 June | 16:21

My prayers are with both of you. I wish I could think of more eloquent things to say, but I can't. Big hugs to you and your strength, and as it was already said-there is no normal right now. Whatever you feel is normal for you. God bless you and all of yours (in honesty I'm not a religious person, but I am a spiritual one and I really do wish God's blessings for you).
If she likes a good read, she could try anything by Kathy Reichs-the author the show "Bones" is based on. Draws you in, lots of interesting detail, minimal sex.
Remember, we're all here for you.

posted by redvixen 22 June | 18:56

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