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15 June 2006
Make up interesting stories for your scars...→[More:]This one on my hand? It's a empathy scar I got when I was eight, for Tom, when Jerry smashed his hand with a candelabrum. I felt Tom's pain. Jerry was kind of a prick.
I just tell people I got mine in the war. When they ask which war, I ask if they're some kind of wiseguy, accuse them of being a communist and threaten to kick their ass.
These big angry red areas on my elbows? These are from when I was boppin' along on my bike, feeling particularly swell, and doing these fun little swoopy manuevers, and then a big white Lexus SUV backed out of a parking spot about 20 feet in front of me while I was at the apex of one of my swoopy carving turns, and surprised me so much I forgot to steer the bike and the front end washed out and I landed on my forearms.
.... about 45 minutes ago. Now the endorphins are wearing off and it stings like a mudderfugger.
This other one here? That's where the CIA implanted the microfilm. (CIA = culinary institute of america, I'm carrying their secret brownie recipie)
That scar on where my hairline used to be? I was hit with a shovel when the other guy realized he couldn't win fighting fair. I kicked his ass anyway. By the end of it, I was sitting on his chest bleeding all over him. He was upset, but there wasn't much he could do about it by then.
This scar right here on my chin? I caught a guy cheating in a pool tournament and when I called him on it, he clocked me with his cue. I got three stiches, he lost a testicle.
The little scar above my eye is from being dressed up as wonder woman as a child and spinning around the room until I got dizzy and fell against a wall mounted heating vent.
The small crescent-shaped scar on my knee? Once I was abducted by aliens, but let me tell you, that night they learned that the probulator goes both ways my friend. Those little grey jerks can kick like a mule!
The one across my abdomen...yeah, I know it looks like a c-section scar, but really I just did it myself because it makes my torso look like a smiley face. The wide-eyed areola, the belly button nose...it just called for a big happy grin.
The four parallel scars down the back of my right hand are from when the minions of hell tried to pull me back in.
The scars on my knees are from when I was a professional.
Soccer player that is.
I once, unknowingly, outed Bro#4 for lying about his scars. He told his wife-to-be that one on his wrist was from a suicide attempt (I pushed him through a window) and one on his side was from a knife fight (surgery scar - they took cartilage for his rhinoplasty due to being born with a hairlip and cleft palate). He was quite embarrassed but she thought it was funny.
The scar on my hand was from the time LT bit me as Elizard and I were wrestling him for Triode's recipes in Taiwan. He's got some sharp teeth!
The scar on my shoulder blade was from the night the bushy-tailed quadropeds ran amok.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
