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09 June 2006
Ask TL Anything! Since it looks like I won't be doing much until tomorrow evening out here...
Why can't I get past level 10 in this game? And will melissa may burn in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity for introducing me to it, as she so richly deserves?
Last I heard - busy, busy, busy. Sometimes when we say her name here, it invokes her, though. Maybe she'll have a question for TrishaLynn. Like, how can I further torture my so-called friends?
mudpuppie: Because the Colonel had a secret love affair with a fetching mulatto woman from Alabama during the War, from whom he stole her heart and her chicken recipe. The use of that song is his way of making reparations and acknowledging her influence in creating his empire of poultry.
taz: Because there aren't enough Disco Bandits in it. You should be playing this game instead.
Incidentally, MelissaMay is in not in this castle. Nor that one either. In fact, I don't think she's in any of the castles you're searching. Might I recommend a pyramid instead?
The answer to your second question, taz, is still this game, for which there is actually a clan called MeCha Bunnies. No lie. 'cause I started it.
Tender Loving? Love me Tender? Legal Tender? Tort Law? Lemon Torte? These two are obviously so intricately entangled it would take a jaws of life to extract them.
taz: I'm sure by now you'll have noticed that Pedro has come and gone and tried to clean your bathroom to the best of his ability, but considering that he's only got one working arm, sometimes the best only consists of swishing the dust around. At least you have a new roll of toilet paper in the holder, though.
safetyfork: I'm in California for my adorable niece Ashley's christening on Sunday. This means that I won't be at MoCCA, which is the first year I've missed going since I've been here in NYC, not counting the year I didn't know about MoCCA and was living in New City. This makes me sad because I was really looking forward to seeing your new book. Save me a copy?
danostuporstar: The situtation is that there is no situation, much like there is no spoon, no rule number six and no pooftahs.
iconomy: ortho's playing KoL right now, and is stuck in the Mispelled Cemetary. Don't worry; I'm sure he has enough Moxie to kill the zmobies.
jonmc: Balled up in a corner, no and yes.
Capn: All systems say go, except for the third computer which is advocating more oxygen in the fuel mixture.
danf: Under the best of any circumstances, I don't recommend psyllium husk pills for your constipation needs. Why take something that requires a spell-checker or the copy/paste buttons when "bran" is more recognizable and requires less keystrokes?
LT: Absolutely. It's not just your hips that are getting sore.
My question for TL : For my weekend at the lake, should I pack two pairs of jeans, a pair of jeans and a pair of shorts, or a pair of jeans and a skirt?
Taz: That game is Bejeweled without the jewels. What type of farm has Octopuses on it, anyway? Thanks a lot, now I'm in love with it too.
I'm in the eye of the pyramid on the dollar bill, duh. Can't you see my tiny arms waving?
And you got some nerve complaining, taz; I've only got to Level 8. Maybe you're the one who should burn -- for me, like the Blue Oyster Cult song that has brain-damaged lyrics yet is somehow still so mysterious and beautiful. That's right, I'm saying you need burn for me so hard it damages your brain. That'll teach you to be sassy.
Okay, what was I going to ask? Oh right: Trisha, honey, if you can answer this I will burn for you like a woman with no corpus callosum: how do you calculate the value of your stuff in relation to the cost and asspain of renting a UHaul to move it? I'm thinking of burnin' up everything I own so your answer is urgently required.
Also, someone just sent everyone in my area an email marveling at the coincidence that a man and woman at the same academic department could have the same esoteric last name. There's a really short episode of Columbo for you.
Here's the equation I use for whenever I move and that's been five times in the last four years, btw, so heed this advice well:
Take the number of boxes your stuff fits into, divide by the number of people you will have helping you move it into the U-Haul truck and multiply by the number of hours you think it will take you to move the boxes. Do the same for the amount of furniture you have, and raise each item to the exponential number equal to the number of separate pieces each item of furniture breaks down into.
Then do the same, only this time divide by the number of people you will have helping you move the boxes and/or furniture out of the truck. On the outbound trip, raise each furniture item to twice the exponential number; this becomes your tiredness number. Finally, multiply each number by the square root of the number of hours it took you to get from point A to point B, minus the number of hours taken for bathroom breaks, eating, procrastination, etc.
If the value of each number is higher than 21.3, burn everything. If it's between 14.57 and 21.29999998 hire a mover. If it's lower than 14.566668, buy a case of beer for each friend helping you move.
If you are moving across state lines, hire a mover.
If you are purchasing your own home instead of renting, hire a mover.
If your furniture DOES NOT fall into the following groups: (a) inherited from parents/friends, (b) dumpster dove, (c) craigslist, (d) IKEA - hire a mover.
safetyfork - that's kind of where I got the "over 35" part from. When I realized my sexy balding friends weren't the mean lean CRT-TV-lifting machines they used to be (one of them was laid up on advil for the next 3 days).
deborah: That's a loofah. It's very easy to get the two things confused.
SassHat: Yes. Because you'll never know when you're going to run into either Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now and skirts provide easy flirtation and access. ^_^
Pips: When the canary passes out, yes--by bathing in the blood of virgins, no--because I'm not going to get a chance to go to the beach this trip--which is going excellently, btw, because I've been able to eat a Western Bacon Cheeseburger from Carl's Jr. I've been dreaming of those things for months.
We are not over 35 but we are every other unfortunately named star in the firmament described here so I think we're in the sell it, give it away, leave it at the side of the road, and take a match to the rest place. I just want to go straight to the last step even though I know it's pure sin. I'm burnin' I'm burnin' to burn.
Thanks for the intelligent thoughts on the matter and have a lovely trip.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
