Well, I've dated my share of women and none of the ones I've been with have had them, although many female friends I've had have.

I've never had an eating disorder. A few of my friends have, certainly not a majority.

I've been through a self injury phase or two, though.

Wanna go out?

I'm not sure if they're the norm but yes, a lot of the women I know and/or have dated have had some kind of eating disorder.

I've never had an eating disorder, and nor have any of my close female friends (that I know about - certainly none of them have starved themselves to xylophone-rib stage).

I don't know about stats of differences between USA adn NZ though.

One of my girlfriends was bulemic, but she's been the only one. It landed her in the hospital, too, so I'm glad I haven't had to deal with that again.

I'm confident that most women are bi-polar, though, judging by my track record.

Nope, unless anxiety-related chocolate consumption counts.

Never had one myself either, unless teenage insecurity about being too skinny counts. Know plenty of people who have had disorders though.

I think it's sort of like gayness -- pretty much everyone knows someone or a few someones who qualify, even if it's not something talked about a whole lot.

I've never had an eating disorder. I know a few women who have but the majority of my female friends and relatives have never suffered from an eating disorder.

A distinction needs to be made here between "disordered eating" and an "eating disorder". One is a behavior that may only be exhibited for a short time and may not lead to other, bigger problems and the other is an actual psychological disorder that requires professional care and treatment. Disordered eating can lead to eating disorders but it usually does not (although it still isn't the healthiest of behaviors).

An example of "disordered eating": someone wants to lose weight quickly and decides to eat a dangerously low number of calories per day to do so. They keep it up for a few weeks, realize that they're tired and weak and irritable and they go back to eating normally or devise a newer, healthier diet. Or someone gets depressed after a breakup and binge eats for a few days. Or an athlete decides to go on an extreme bulking/cutting diet. All of these behaviors can be considered disordered eating but the person exhibiting them does not necessarily have an eating disorder.

I believe situations like this are quite common, especially among young women. Most of the women I know (myself included) have tried out a stupid fad diet or eaten far less than they should have in order to lose weight or stay thin. Luckily, all of us realized we weren't doing ourselves any good and stopped.

An example of an eating disorder: someone thinks they are overweight even though they are clearly not and no matter how much weight they lose or how few calories they consume or how sick they become their obsession with weight, food and perfection cannot be overcome. They suffer from an actual disorder that requires treatment. This is more rare. Although, sadly, not as rare as it should be.

I would say that it is the norm for young women (and men) to exhibit disordered eating behaviors from time to time but thankfully full-blown eating disorders are NOT the norm.

What LeeJay said.

Here at High Social Pressure U. the student population has just about exactly 1 overweight female - and about a 1-in-3 or 1-in-4 incidence of eating disorders.

Not me... but I'm oldish, and this is newish.

I'm guessing I would maybe have had some problems as well, if every single supposedly "beautiful" and "ideal" representation of adult womanhood throughout all the media was shown as weighing about 80 pounds.

This pretty much started happening just after the point where I was still impressionable enough for it to really take hold (early 90s?). I looked fucking fantastic when I was younger (in a kind of Marilyn Monroe way) - but by today's standards, I think I would have been considered fat. Pfft.

So would Marilyn these days, which only goes to show what I've always suspected. Young people today are crazy.

Thanks, folks. Dating anorexics or bulimics can be a little tough...

So far I've had no trouble with the self-injury folks though, rainbaby!

Well, if it makes you feel any better, all the women I've dated have been nuts in other ways. Except one. She's a shrink, now.

Mmmm. . .I don't know. . .These days, as kids trend towards the overweight, you see many young girls with body confidence I wouldn't have exhibited had I been at that (higher-ish) weight at their age. The belly showing fashions, etc.

Yep! We're no trouble a-tall Shane! (errr. . .I'm fine now. . .) Anyway, I don't mean to joke, Shane, I'm sure it is tough. LeeJay was very educational, too.

Excellent distinction, LeeJay, between an eating disorder and disordered eating. I hadn't thought of it that way.

(and jon, all the women?) : )

*picks up Pepperidge Farm cake on way home*

The belly showing fashions, etc.

Yeah, I'm tired of the midriff thing myself. I remember when you had to wait till the third date to see a girls navel, dammit.

(and jon, all the women?) : )

Well, I can say this because i am a model of stability and mental health myself.

*picks up six-pack, cigarettes, and porn on way home*

So, okay - I know this is sort of a cheap shot kind of thing, but my little sister did get caught uo in the whole skinny, skinny thing, and managed to get the perfect modern figure - and even kept it after two kids... But she's also the only one in our family who has been sick ALL THE TIME. She's been sick for 20 years, basically - and everybody else is ridiculously healthy. She's now trying to train herself to eat. It's wild.

Not to nitpick (well, yes, to nitpick), but there's a logical fallacy in the original post - letting the part represent the whole. It would be the equivalent of saying (AND I'M NOT SAYING THIS):

Being an asshole... is it just something that every male, at least American male, goes through at some time? Because just about every guy I've ever dated was an asshole. It's just that I've always regarded it as something unusual, but I'm beginning to think it's actually the norm...

Being an asshole... is it just something that every male, at least American male, goes through at some time?

Yes. We can't help it.

Are you dating women who conform, or try to conform, to mainstream ideals of beauty?

If so, it's possible you're pulling your research subjects from a population inclined toward eating disorders, thus skewing your results.

LeeJay is correct- plenty of women display "disordered" eating, but actual eating disorders are very rare. Perhaps you should examine what sort of women you're choosing to date? (dittoing what small_ruminant said)

I haven't had an eating disorder.

I DID think I was way too fat in high school (because I was - OMG! 120-125 pounds, not 110 pounds!) but I never did anything about it except bitch. : ) (I did get to 110 pounds in college, after being sick for a while, and thought I looked sick at that weight! Needless to say the weight came back on.)

Not to nitpick (well, yes, to nitpick), but there's a logical fallacy in the original post - letting the part represent the whole. It would be the equivalent of saying (AND I'M NOT SAYING THIS):

Being an asshole... is it just something that every male, at least American male, goes through at some time? Because just about every guy I've ever dated was an asshole. It's just that I've always regarded it as something unusual, but I'm beginning to think it's actually the norm...

But you'd be right. Most men are assholes. Most people are assholes.

Seriously, I'm just to the point where it suddenly occurred to me that maybe a HUGE percentage of American females go through an eating disorder and scewed pespective of their own bodies simply as some sort of perfection complex symptom brought on by cold parents or lack of affection in childhood or the more common theoires of abuse or... hell, I dunno. Whatever. It just finally occurred to me that it seemed about as common as puberty.

I guess, judging from this thread, it's not.

I often tend to attract needy women who want a safe-looking nice guy who seems supportive and a good shoulder to cry on, though, so that could be a big part of it.

Maybe it's like the lipstick lesbian thing in college - it's 'cool' to have an eating disorder so lots of people "develop" one?

I don't think it's possible to will oneself into an actual eating disorder, porpoise, if you believe (as most medical professional do, btw) that it's a psychiatric illness. It'd be like willing yourself to have cancer.

Being an asshole... is it just something that every male, at least American male, goes through at some time?

But assholes get more action than the rest of us slightly less assholish men. So we aspire to greater assholery.

* assholes like he has never assholed before, awaits adoration *

From what I understand, a lot of eating disorders come out of high-achieving perfectionists seeking ways to control their lives. For young women, especially, that often comes down to consuming food -- they may not be able to control boys or grades or their parents, but they can control what goes into their mouths.

Harvard was rife with eating disorders. There were signs in every single shower stall in the women's locker rooms requesting that people not throw up in them. I've heard similar things about other upper-tier schools (high schools and colleges).

Basically, tell women they need to be perfect, take away the active tools they'd need to come close to accomplishing it (authority; respect; hope for high earnings/recognition/career succes in the future; agency over their lives; the ability to use anger constructively), and you've probably set up fertile ground for an eating disorder.

All this to say... "needy" women don't fit the profile that I've read about who is likely to develop anorexia or bulimia.

TPS - I'm speculating that there may be people who really don't have an eating disorder but, kinda, pretend to have one?

And I meant to add: While I don't think most American women develop an actual eating disorder, I do think that most American women are, or have been, screwed up about their bodies. My mother always said she had a hard time hanging around other women because her stock response to "Oh, I'm getting so fat!" was simply to agree; and I have a hard time staying tuned into a conversatin that involves calories, fat grams, or discussions about carbohydrates, which is often what passes for polite conversation among groups of women. I think that prejudice is fading as I get older and meet women who aren't so hung up on body types, but it's one of the main reasons I never felt comfortable in my last office (which was mainly filled with women in their early 20s).

And porpoise, I don't think it's "cool" to have anorexia, but I think there is definitely peer pressure among many women to diet. Not necessarily because your friends see you as fat, but just because everyone's always moaning about calories and how fat they are and it can be alienating not to share those concerns at the lunch table.

I'm speculating that there may be people who really don't have an eating disorder but, kinda, pretend to have one?

What looks like an eating disorder to a layperson may not actually be one. I've had two roommates with eating disorders (this is out of all the females I've known so far), and one was hospitalized because she had eaten so little for so long that her heart nearly failed. The other had her complexion turn gray over the time I knew her, and you could clearly see all of her bones even though from her frame it seemed like she should have been more curvy (and she was in her old photos). She had my body type but she was almost half my weight. It was not unusual for her to drink a diet soda and have two carrot sticks for a whole day. If she had an energy bar instead of the carrots she'd worry all day about what it meant for her figure. She was warned every month by her doctor that her blood pressure was getting worse, and I'm sure she was seeing him every month because he begged her to. She always tried to get out of the appointments anyway.

Shane, I can't tell from what you've said whether your girlfriends were like this, or if they were more people who peck at their food and obsess about their weight, but do eat enough that their bodies aren't failing.

a) Shane, maybe there's something about you that's attractive to women who are likely to have had eating disorders? I've always thought it was interesting to ponder what sort of person would or would not be likely to be attracted to me; although in the end it's ultimately sort of pointless.

b) I guess, judging from this thread, it's not.

This may not be a valid conclusion, let me explain why. It's sort of like posting "Who here gets sexual pleasure out of raping and dismembering young children?" and then, when nobody raises their hand, concluding that it never ever happens.

Eating disorders, y'see, are socially stigmatized, plus they have to do with depression-related features such as shame and guilt: and that means people aren't likely to raise their hand to talk about it just because you called on them.

c) Seriously, I'm just to the point where it suddenly occurred to me that maybe a HUGE percentage of American females go through an eating disorder and scewed pespective of their own bodies

Well, this is good. When you get around to inventing that round thing that goes on an axle, call me up; I want to ditch that sledge I've been hauling stuff around on. :)

Eating orders don't stop at anorexia and bulemia. I'm overweight due to "comfort eating". It started in my childhood (I'd get my younger brother up late at night and we'd have toast - four slices of cinnamon toast each - a couple times a week; I don't know how we were never caught) and has continued well into adulthood.

I've finally taken control of my eating (I joined WW). For me, a diabetic, it's a life or death "choice". It doesn't mean I don't still want two Cinnabons for breakfast (yes, eating two is no problem - extra frosting, please!), a large size bag of Doritos for lunch, McDonald's for dinner and snacks of candy interspersed. It's hard and will probably be a struggle all my life.

deborah, thank you for sharing that. It's true that nearly everyone automatically thinks "anorexia" when they hear the words "eating disorders". I'd speculate that there are just as many, if not more, binge eaters and compulsive overeaters out there. Unfortunately, they suffer not only the stigma of having a disorder but often the stigma of being overweight as well.

deborah: I know what you mean about Cinnabons. Luckily, there isn't a Cinnabon near me that I know of, but there is one at the mall near my adopted mom's in Connecticut. I can't eat one in front of her, though; she scowls with disappointment if I do (weight's been a struggle for years for me, too, though I was skinny when I was a kid and teen). So when I do want a Cinnabon, I go to the mall to get one by myself and eat it in the car (I won't even eat it in the food court; too self-conscious).

Lately, I've been doing better about food; not dieting, just trying to eat better (more veggies, salad, fruit, etc.) and limiting the junk food. I have high blood pressure and I'd like to lose weight to help with that (plus, I'll admit, I'd like to look nice in a tight pair of jeans again). It is a life-long thing, though. I still dream of extra frosting.