Why did I dream that Lauren Bacall was my mother-in-law and that my house was filthy?

^^^true dream^^^

Taz - you dreamt about Lauren Bacall because of "Bogie", your dog from childhood. Your house was filthy because you ache to explore new realms in life, preferably with a dog named Bogie.

*Bogie pees on LT's leg*

What's my granduncle's email address? I seem to have misplaced it.

When I was just a little girl/I asked my mother/what will I be?/Will I be pretty, will I be rich/This is what she said to me...

Porpalorp:

Your granduncle has expressly asked me not to divulge his e-mail address as you keep sending him requests for additional tupperware, tribal masks and vinyl-wear.

He told me that it had to end, it just had to end, and I believe him.

Why can't I find a decent apartment I can afford?

Where are my socks?

Sveskemus - You need to contact the Coalition for Housing of People Named SV-something. There's an enormous, untapped market for people with exotic names just waiting for people like you.

JonMC - Right where you left them! What am I, your mother! Now get in there and clean your room mister, and no guff!

*guffs*

Why am I never satisfied?

I tried the CHPNSV but they were out of nice apartments due to a massive influx of Swedish people named Sven. :(

Who is that masked man?

Why are men so bloody confusing?

Why does geography FUCKING SUCK?

You know that thing? Where something like a washer or dryer is making some kind of repetitive noise, and your brain makes the sound into a word or phrase? Like my dishwasher, for example, right now keeps saying "broken potato, broken potato, broken potato". Do you ever get that thing?

I have advanced Pakensons disease. What speed film should the WalMat photographer use to take my picture?

Why am I so pissy today?

WHERE DID YOU RUN OFF TO, LT? You're not getting out of answering ALL these nice people's questions... and mine too.

Deal or No Deal?

OK, if you're not going to do it, then it's time for another edition of "Wendell Answers Questions You Asked Somebody Else"...

Why am I never satisfied? - Mrs. Pants
Satisfaction is a myth, much like Democracy and Honest Mechanics. You can choose to either live a life of quiet desperation, or go with the more popular alternative these days of LOUD desperation.

Who is that masked man? - essexjan
Apparently a Mexican Luchador trying to break into the WWE, or Paris Hilton's last ex-boyfriend.

Why are men so bloody confusing? - YouCanCallMeAl
Well, some of us DO try to wash the blood off, but mostly its our collective inability to intellectually process the perfect logical processes of women, that is, unless we're FREAKING INSANE!

Why does geography FUCKING SUCK? - ThePinkSuperhero
You're standing too close to the globe.

You know that thing? Where something like a washer or dryer is making some kind of repetitive noise, and your brain makes the sound into a word or phrase? Like my dishwasher, for example, right now keeps saying "broken potato, broken potato, broken potato". Do you ever get that thing? - taz
No.

I have advanced Pakensons disease. What speed film should the WalMat photographer use to take my picture? - jelly
First, DON'T go to WalMat for photographs, go to KMat, or maybe Taget. Second, the speed really doesn't matter, it's the f-stop reading which determines if you can get the photographer to f-ing-stop.

Why am I so pissy today? - mudpuppie
Oh no. I thought that was rain.

WHERE DID YOU RUN OFF TO, LT?
Probably In-N-Out Burger, where the line is being held up by a 50X50 order.

and finally...
Deal or No Deal?
Why, thank you for the chance to plug my latest 'weblished' article, which was inexplicably featured on the homepage of MSN.com today (co-owner of MSNBC.com, although I suspect that when the other co-owner, NBC, discovers what I've written, I will be visited by 26 model-type ladies who will beat me senseless with their steel briefcases, containing varying amounts of bricks).

I like that! They should have heavy makeup and wooden expressions like the women in the Robert Palmer video.

This thread is great!

I'm sorry, you must phrase that in the form of a question.

If men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses, do girls who wear glasses make passes at men?

Hmmm. If a question is asked in a quiet thread does it make any noise? No wait... If a question is asked and the answererer isn't around to answer it, does it make.. no wait... If a question falls in a thread doesOH LOOK! BEER!

What's a merkin? What's a 'Merkin?

What's a merkin? What's a 'Merkin?

Applepie
Motherhood
The Indy 500
Hot Dogs
Hamburgers
Gas guzzlin' behemoths
Baseball
Aligators
Cajun music
The Blues
Gridiron
The USMC
The Boss
Teamsters
Pepsi (the regular kind, not that commie Blue stuff)
Yellowstone Park
Mark Twain
Crawfish Pie
Jambalaya
Fillet Gumbo

(I'd better not take all the good ones)

Holy shit! My thread - ghost-written by Wendell!

I should have titled it Ask Wendell Anything LT Doesn't Have Time For!

sheesh....

Dear LT,

Why, and I ask this with the full weight of seriousityness behind it, can I not find durable, black, union-made-in-America pants that fit me? Carhartt recently switched to a different way of putting their pants together, so now they get all baggy at the bottom of the legs and goddammit I am not a baggy pants kind of man, I am in fact a serious and practical man, so what the fuck.

I mean, sure, I have a bit of a beer belly, but sweet baby jesus it's not like I'm obscenely short or tall or fat or skinny or exploding with cancerous tumours or anything; this shouldn't be that hard to figure out. I find it difficult to believe that the world wants me to wear a kilt or something even more revealing of my pasty horrible nerd legs. *shudder*

LT, do we have to come back to this thread, or can we ask you questions in other threads too?

I have a list, see.

CM: I love the Dickies straightleg fit, but I don't know if they are or aren't union/US made. You probably know the score on that front. Maybe it's time to raid someone's back supply of the older carhartt cut, that is probably a very e-bayable thing to do.

Cmonkey - in all seriousity, please go to pointerbrand.com: they have what you need, and pick me up a pair of overalls while you're there, dammit.

Safety Fork - Feel free to start your own post, i.e. Things I Want to Ask LT But Are Afraid To Ask or Am So Needy I Need My Own Special Thread. I'll help you out there.