MetaChat - How to help a friend going through a divorce?

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05 May 2006

How to help a friend going through a divorce? →[More:]I just found out that a good friend of ours and his wife are in the early stages of divorce proceedings. She's threatening to take their 3 kids to another state, so he's fighting for custody. My heart just absolutely breaks for him. He's a Good Guy.

This is the first divorce in our little social circle(though surely it won't be the last), and we're not quite sure how to help him. Advice from bunnies who've been there would be greatly appreciated.

post by: jrossi4r at: 11:10 | 8 comments

I've only been a childhood victim of divorce and the best advice I can offer is for him to fight as hard as he can for his kids, not just to fight his ex-wife.

My parents were amicable and actually became good friends a few years after the divorce. But there were some tense years in there.

Sorry to hear it but, sad to say, it is probably for the best.

posted by fenriq 05 May | 11:23

My 2p.

- Sometimes, you can see both sides of the fight. This is well and good, but your friend probably needs support instead of logic and balance. Unless it's obviously wrong, take your friends side. He'll need an understanding shoulder more than anything.

- Divorce can be an ugly nasty thing, and even Good Guys learn this pretty quickly. Sometimes the only fight available is the dirty fight. Don't be too quick to judge.

- Be there. Make sure that your friend knows they can get in touch with you at any time. Make sure they get enough to eat, and they know that a life exists for them outside of marriage.

posted by seanyboy 05 May | 11:26

You're right, fenriq, it is probably for the best. But I think it's hard for him to see that right now. He's been a very, very involved father and the thought of only being around them occasionally is really killing him. Plus, he views the whole situation as a failure on his part (which it is SO not) and seems to be quite embarassed by the whole thing.

We're firmly in his corner, seanyboy. We've all known each other since we were children and I never liked his wife.

posted by jrossi4r 05 May | 11:36

Listen. Make sure he knows there is no shame. Help with the minutiae - babysitting, legal forms, what have you. Above all: Girl, don't sleep with him.

posted by rainbaby 05 May | 11:38

Above all: Girl, don't sleep with him.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Have I told you (all) lately that I love you?

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 05 May | 11:39

Well, that would make him feel better rainbaby. But it would spoil him for other women and he'd never get back out in the dating pool.

posted by jrossi4r 05 May | 12:24

Courtesy account at metachat?

You've already received the best advice, plus we all know how good you and your's are, so just you being there and being who you are is going to be great for him.

posted by safetyfork 05 May | 12:27

That's really kind of you to say, safetyfork. Thank you.

posted by jrossi4r 05 May | 19:27

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