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20 April 2006

Foxworth or Smoove B? A quiz. [More:]

Recently, some emails were published that were allegedly written by the now former chief of police Derrick Foxworth during an illicit affair. A police desk clerk filed a complaint that he threatened her with dismissal after coercing her into a secret sexual relationship.

Below is a quiz I put together: quotes from his emails to her, or quotes from Smoove B? Answers at bottom.

P.S. I’m wearing my bunny pin today because I lurrrrve you! Yes, you! That’s right, I’m talking to YOU!
1. "I have daydreamed about you wearing one of your most sexy special outfits. I then push you against the wall and my tongue enters your mouth and I make love to your mouth then I want to make love to your body." A. Foxworth B. Smoove

2. "I love the idea of picking you up with you wearing nothing but heels, stockings, and a cream lace teddy. I can think of nothing better than driving to a secluded park and having you reach over and unzip my pants, only to find I am wearing nothing underneath and nothing to prevent your beautiful white soft hands from grabbing my chocolate cock." A. Foxworth B. Smoove

3. "When we reach my penthouse, I will remove your shoes and kiss you passionately for five to ten minutes. Just when you think you are going crazy with desire, I will lead you to my large, circular bathtub. There, I will strip you down and place your naked body gently into the perfectly warm water. Then, I will wash you with a towel of my choosing. Make no mistake, it will be the perfect towel for your beautiful body, fitting your every luscious contour. If the scented perfumes I have placed in your bath water are not to your liking, I will drain the tub and we will start over. But they will not be incorrect, so we will not have to. I know you, girl." A. Foxworth B. Smoove

4. "I will push you against the wall and kiss you passionately. I want you to be completely submissive and follow my lead. I would take you upstairs to your bedroom... you sliding down to your knees and me up against the wall and you going down on me taking all of me into your mouth." A. Foxworth B. Smoove

5. "You start kissing and nibbling on me, working your way down and slowly going down on me, my sweet cock taking it deep into your mouth. HMMMMMM, I then grab your beautiful blonde hair and pull you back, and kiss you passionately. I push you back on the seat and spread your legs wide apart as I prepare to take you and become part of you. Hmmm... call me." A. Foxworth B. Smoove

6. "While I am freaking you, I will whisper various things in your ear. Some of the phrases I will say to you are, 'Baby, you are my everything,' 'You feel so good, I can't stand it,' and, 'Girl, ride me.' There will also be candles and a CD featuring the music of Keith Sweat to create an atmosphere of unbridled romance, making you wet." A. Foxworth B. Smoove

7. "When we are through with the lovemaking aspect of our romantic evening together, I will still continue to attend to your needs. If you wish a grape to be placed in your mouth, I will place one there. It does not matter whether you want a purple grape or a white grape, as I will supply myself with grapes of both colors." A. Foxworth B. Smoove

8. "I desperately want to see you and want to be the man, the lover that satisfies those inner urges and fantasies. I want to share mine with you. We are so much alike and know if given the time and opportunity that we can take each other to another level and area of our sexuality that we both want to explore. Are you available today? This afternoon? I do want to respect your privacy and respect the fact that your husband is home, but there are many times I would love to slip into your bed and in between your legs and deep into your pussy! Can we make that happen somehow?" A. Foxworth B. Smoove




Answers:
1. A
2. A
3. B
4. A
5. A
6. B
7. B
8. A


posted by Specklet 20 April | 11:48
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 20 April | 11:55
Got 'em all right. Say, baby, how about you and me celebrate with some falafel?
posted by box 20 April | 11:57
Hee. She loves me.
posted by mike9322 20 April | 12:01
Heh. That's awesome.

I got them all right too, for I love Smoove B and have committed his writings to memory.
posted by gaspode 20 April | 12:06
This makes me so embarrassed for my city.

Well done, specklet!
posted by cmonkey 20 April | 12:23
Uh, I meant that Foxworth makes me embarrassed, not you, specklet. You are a shining example of Portland awesomenessitude
posted by cmonkey 20 April | 12:24
That is fucking hysterical.
posted by grouse 20 April | 12:41
Smoove B would never use such explicit language.
posted by matildaben 20 April | 13:11
I was thinking the same thing, matildaben. "Cock" and "pussy" are such crude words to come out of Smoove B's mouth.

heheh, he said come. heheh /beevis
posted by me3dia 20 April | 13:36
Has anyone here ever committed such language to an email???

I mean, a subordinate, or even a coworker, this is bad form and it looks ridiculous, framed like this.

I would hope that he would except some sort of buyout . .I would come up short of just having him clean out his desk and toss him out on the street.

We have had Bob Packwood, Tonya Harding, the OCA, the a pedophile for governor, when apparently a lot of people knew about it and were enabling it, and now this guy. Plus the Blazers just suck anymore.

What IS it about Oregon anyway?
posted by danf 20 April | 13:40
HMMMMMM!
posted by Specklet 20 April | 14:02
Has anyone here ever committed such language to an email???

I have. Many times. But they certainly weren't sent to anyone I worked with.
posted by cmonkey 20 April | 14:12
Although, I'm also an Oregon resident, so maybe we're all just sex-crazed maniacs hopped up on our delicious Bull Run water.
posted by cmonkey 20 April | 14:15
Although, I'm also an Oregon resident, so maybe we're all just sex-crazed maniacs hopped up on our delicious Bull Run water.

Well my water comes out of the McKenzie River. And I am also guilty although never with a co worker or subordinate. . .or anyone in my surface life, for that matter.

HMMMMMM!

referrin' to MY post? Or was lunch extra good today?
posted by danf 20 April | 14:19
I have. Many times.

...taps feet, impatiently.
posted by matildaben 20 April | 14:40
...taps feet, impatiently.
I dunno. .with the resume you posted on another thread, it could be daunting to try to show you something new.

Good luck cmonkey. .let me know if you need help.
posted by danf 20 April | 15:03
My guess is, he'll do juuuust fiiine.
posted by matildaben 20 April | 21:08
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