Remember Bianca, the oft-mentioned girl who I lost my virginity with who was somebody else's girlfriend?

Well, a year or so later she has another boyfriend and that dude's in alcohol rehab in Iowa or some fuckin' place, and she runs into me at a school showing of some flick the title of which escapes me. After we start talking civilly again, she shows up at my door and we start screwing again. Then one night she invites me to come with her to visit her friend Jeannie a few blocks away, who it turns out I had attended an anti-Gulf War I protest with a few months before. Jeannie answers the door drunk, wearing a negligee and an ace bandage on her ankle (this is a coincidence, not a theme). She flirts heavily with me and long story short, Bianca takes off, and me and Jeannie start screwing like bunnies. Drunken confused addled bunnies. I felt no guilt about it, since Bianca was in no position to be jealous. At one point, after finishing up, I pulled out and saw the condom hanging half out her, to give you an idea. *shudder*

In the morning she revealed that she had the ace bandage on because she had fallen asleep with a syringe in her ankle, and asked me to call this 60's veteran/AA enthusiast buddy of mine, who she wound up having a fling with.

I kept wonderful company in those days.

Good: I've never had a good one night stand. The good ones that started out that way all turned into regular things, making them not-one-night-stands.

Bad: The most embarrassing was when I was drunk, she was drunk, she had pissed herself on a couch in front of my friends at a party a few hours earlier, she didn't change her clothes, and I didn't know about it. It took a while to live that down.

Cabana Boy has never had a bad one night stand. It's not possible.

I've never had a one night stand. Or cheated on a GF. The first I attach no significance to one way or the other, except to think from time to time that I am not a closer. The second I'm happy about.

Good: I was having one of those spontaneous great nights out where I was kicking ass at pool, all of my friends had randomly shown up at the bar, all my favorite songs were being played on the jukebox etc. I looked up and in walked a group of my friends from the city 4 hours north of our town. They had spontaneously decided to drive down for the evening. One of my friends, Matty, super cute and fun, just ran over to me and picked me up and started kissing me. So I went with it and half an hour later, after a hilarious giggly trip to the convenience store for condoms, we were in bed. Lots left out of my story here, but haven't had such a purely fun hookup since.

Bad: standard overly drunken mediocre sex ones. Blah.

Good: Most turned into regular things, but there was this one with a guy who I had been chasing for months, who out of the blue invited me over to his house, and when I showed up he was playing Cocteau Twins with candles lit and he was wearing his boxers. That night was lovely but then he got over whatever it was that had made him want to be with me and went back to his usual track of not wanting to be with me. I actually seem to recall that we had a second instance of weakness a few weeks later, at my house, which turned out somewhat awkward.

Mediocre: Another guy I'd been chasing on and off for a couple of years, and he'd been chasing me, but the timing was bad (either he or I was in a monogamous relationship when the other one was interested). He was in an ostensibly non-monogamous relationship this time, and his gf was out of town, so he came over. We had a fairly decent time but it was somewhat awkward. Sometime after this he decided that polyamory wasn't all it was cracked up to be. So I guess I was their experiment. Oh well, it happens.

Bad: Nothing too sordid, just people I shouldn't have been with, due to a lack of judgment, desperation, horniness, random circumstance, whatever. One of them, a marine geophysicist, I ran into on campus a couple weeks later and he'd forgotten my name. I think he called me "Miranda" or something.

I'd like to read more of these.

I've had just a few.

Good: At the Philadelphia Folk Festival, I was walking back to my group's encampment with my guitar slung around my back. From one of the crazy elaborate tent-villages I was passing, a happy, slightly stoned, large and adorable sort of surfer/construction guy came running out, hollering "Hey! You play guitar? Come play us some songs!"

In exchange for my troubadorabilities, the guy kept me supplied with drinks and grilled delicacies, sang along with great gusto, welcomed me like old friends into his fun little festival 'family' -- one of the odd conglomerations of people that recovenes at this festival every year. I pretty much blew off the people I had arrived with (not close friends, more like friends of friends who had an extra festival ticket) because this posse was much more fun.

When the sun went down and I got cold, he gave me a sweatshirt with the logo of his volunteer fire company on it. It later became one of my favorite sweatshirts; I still have it somewhere. We enjoyed a long hazy day and a late night of flirtation and innuendo carried to a near-painful degree. My patience was finally rewarded when we crawled to his tent in the early morning hours. That was one fun festival.

I did end up seeing him a couple times afterward, but it really didn't go anywhere, though we gave it a bit of a try. Festival magic is hard to re-create, and we were completely different types of people. We'd never have gotten together through normal daily-life channels, which kind of added the the unusual fun-ness of the experience.

Bad: I'd rather not even think about this. I was young. Suffice it to say that I got too drunk and somehow misplaced my taste, standards, and dignity. I just wish it hadn't happened in my hometown, at my favorite bar, where a bit too much of it was witnessed.

In my drinking days I had many, many one night stands that I remember nothing about because of alcoholic blackout oblivion until I came to next to a stranger next morning. Only the stickiness between my thighs would be the clue that I'd had sex. In the times in which we live now, I could have the guys charged with rape, probably.

To clarify: I did not (and do not now) see it as rape. I got myself into these situations through my own actions and by the standards of the day it was not considered rape to have sex with a drunk woman.

I've only had one one night stand but it was really kind of weird. I'd just split up with a girlfriend so I was game for anything and I met up with this girl at a gig at a student union. She was as drunk as me, if not drunker, and had lost her friends. We got very friendly and we arranged that I'd pay for a cab back to hers.

Her room was incredibly bare. A mattress with a single thin sheet on it, a chair, a table with nothing but an ashtray on it. It was like she owned nothing. I'd known plenty of poor students but nothing quite like this.

We sat around for a bit smoking and then we started kissing, undressed and then on to the depressing bed. Naked she was rather "boyish" - she seemed almost entirely devoid of curves. With the combination of the sad surroundings, the alcohol and a body that wasn't quite my cup of tea it was a bit a nightmare scenario. The little geezer was struggling to keep his interest. It was, as they say, like trying to play snooker with a piece of rope. She had initially been rather enthusiastic but was gradually getting more and more frustrated. In desperation I had to concentrate hard on something rather more erotic and I fear that, in my mind, I was having sex with my ex.

Eventually we slept and the morning arrived. I was up before her and freezing cold so I made my way to the chair and put my clothes on. I sat there and looked at her - she had quite a pretty face. Just then she started to stir, clasped her hand to her head and said to herself "Becky, what have you done?!?"

Ahh, I thought, that's what her name is.

I've never met a lady who thought one night of me was enough.

but several who thought one of you was too many.

/rimshot

I'll be here all week!

Never had a one-night stand. Almost certainly never will.

Never had one either. . .wanted 'em. . .too painfully inept at picking people up.