MetaChat - Public restroom etiquette.

MetaChat is an informal place for MeFites to touch base and post, discuss and chatter about topics that may not belong on MetaFilter. Questions? Check the FAQ. Please note: This is important.

17 April 2006

Public restroom etiquette. Known rules include: Do not use the urinal adjacent to a pee-er if another is available. Do not make eye contact with a pee-er at the urinal. For women, I propose that one should not occupy a stall adjacent to a solitary pee-er if others are available. And, regardless of lavatory preference, NO CELL PHONES WHILE OTHERS ARE PEEING/WHATEVER!

Other rules? I think we need to commit this to paper.

post by: mudpuppie at: 02:07 | 36 comments

(This discussion brought to you by #bunnies.)

posted by mudpuppie 17 April | 02:08

When someone enters the room and you're in the stall, cough or shift your feet around to announce your presence.

posted by knave 17 April | 02:09

I think we need to commit this to paper.

/me prints out the website.

Done!

posted by Eideteker 17 April | 02:09

Try to keep moans/sighs to a bare minimum.

posted by bigmusic 17 April | 02:09

Take the Urinal Quiz. It'll teach you all you need to know.

posted by essexjan 17 April | 02:14

Guide for Taking a Dump At Work

posted by knave 17 April | 02:14

Urinal Game

posted by seanyboy 17 April | 02:14

If you need to take a dump, always line the bowl with a wad of paper to kill the splash. And when you're done, do not emerge from the stall until the place is empty, or until you hear someone go into the next stall - you've then got about 30 seconds to wash your hands and escape before they are finished peeing.

posted by essexjan 17 April | 02:18

Paper and/or seat covers available? Then for god's sake don't pee on the seat! Get a Freshette if you don't want to sit down.

Team Vag is beyond this, of course ;-).

posted by brujita 17 April | 02:49

If you're a woman and you simply must hover for fear of icky germs, clean the fuck up when you're done. Please.

Failure to do so will be punishable by death.

posted by kosher_jenny 17 April | 02:49

I see we're on the same page here brujita.

posted by kosher_jenny 17 April | 02:50

Yes! A few years before she died, I sent an open letter to all women who do this to Ann Landers. Sometime later, I called her office at the Chicago Tribune and one of her staff told me it "was a darned good letter", but that Ann had the final decision and so it wasn't printed.

posted by brujita 17 April | 03:01

It's unbelieveable what I see in the toilets at work sometimes.

Of course there are some who piss all over the seat. But also there are people who smear shit on the seat. And there are people who smear snot along the cubicle walls.

I work with animals.

posted by dodgygeezer 17 April | 05:51

For the love of God just don't talk to me while I'm going.

posted by loquacious 17 April | 05:56

If you are on a cell phone in a stall, I will make as many loud bathroom noises as possible.

posted by mike9322 17 April | 06:50

One of the gals I work with said that she noticed that after taking a dump, some of the women didn't wash their hands. And I thought us women were beyond that!

SO WASH YOUR FREAKING HANDS AFTER YOU TAKE A DUMP!

IN FACT, WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER USING THE BATHROOM FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN PRIMPING!

AND IF THERE ISN'T SOAP, RINSE YOUR HANDS WITH HOT WATER but not so hot that you burn your skin.

posted by TrishaLynn 17 April | 07:02

The faucets at work have no way to adjust the temperature. They are that stupid automatic variety that you have to wave your hands in front of like an idiot, and then the stream lasts for about 5 seconds before turning off. And it's lukewarm, if you are lucky.

I'm no germophobe, but typing this has made me realize that it may be time to get one of those little bottles of waterless antibacterial stuff. The soap they have in there is this industrial crap that smells horrible anyway. Military-grade, baby.

posted by mike9322 17 April | 07:13

There are only a few rules.

Don't strike up a conversation with anyone during any time prior to handwashing, unless it's a conversation you brought in (which is weird if you're a dude, as great lengths should be taken not to appear as if you're just going in there to gossip).

With regard to this germ thing, do people frequently get ass infections from toilet seats, or is it just the ignorant who get AIDS that way? Suit yourself, but don't leave bits and scraps of toilet paper all over the place. Just as I'm not too keen on checking out your spoor, neither do I want to clean up the evidence of your neurosis.

I consider a courtesy flush to be a kindness in certain particularly noxious situations, though I don't hold its lack against anyone.

Yeah, and the proximity thing... stalls are okay, you've got walls. But if you stand next to me at a urinal, I assume you want a hand job. Which is alright, but just let me finish jacking it first.

posted by Hugh Janus 17 April | 08:05

If you're going to snort coke or have sex or something in a stall, lock the door, for Chrissake.

posted by box 17 April | 08:05

...or at least charge a reasonable admission price for horny interlopers.

posted by Hugh Janus 17 April | 08:18

Seconded on the "wash your hands!" At my former job, I sat right next to a woman who never washed her hands after she went to the bathroom. Yuck!

I will add: For the love of God, please FLUSH THE TOILET when you are done. I can't believe there are grown women out there who don't flush, regardless of what was in the toilet.

If you're trying to throw something in the toilet or in the wastebasket and you miss, please pick it up and put it where it belongs. Do not leave it on the floor. Especially if it's a used tampon. *gag*

posted by sisterhavana 17 April | 08:23

I started to read this thread, but it kind of made my stomach turn, so I had to stop. I hate public restrooms. HATE. HATE. HATE. I wouldn't even use the office bathroom if I could help it at all.

posted by jrossi4r 17 April | 09:08

- Don't hug strangers in the bathroom. In my experience, this will go unappreciated.

- The call "farting contest!" at the urinal will get ignored, unless you're at a real "good time" university.

- If you unload a particularly impressive turd, perhaps one that resembles Carol Channing or a saxophone, leave it for the next person to enjoy. People don't share enough in this world.

- stuffing loads of toilet paper in the toilet is hilarious.

- if you get sick and make a mess, do the right thing and leave a makeshift sign that says "SORRY ABOUT ALL THE VOMIT" (all caps preferred, it comes across as more sincere).

posted by Hellbient 17 April | 10:30

My office has auto-flush toilets. This solves the flush problem, but "untrains" people to flush, if they are in other bathrooms. I have been guilty of this.

Hand washing rule: If there is someone else in the bathroom, be sure to wash.

Hey, idiot: If you can't stand to open the door without a paper towel in your hand, don't then drop the towel on the floor right there. OK?

posted by sarah connor 17 April | 10:43

Don't make conversation with me when I'm taking a piss. Taking a piss is me time, and you're not part of that.

posted by cmonkey 17 April | 10:47

1) No talking while peeing. Period. I can't even begin to explain to you how much I'm not looking to make idle chit-chat with you while holding my wedding tackle.

2) It is not ok to rinse out your tupperware in the bathroom sink and leave little bits of food behind. Seriously. Who gave you the idea that this was even a little ok?

3) For the love of all that is good and holy, it is not ok to throw paper towel on the floor. What the hell?! Someone has to clean that crap up you know!

posted by Capn 17 April | 10:49

If the liquid soap dispensers use blue soap, leave PostIts labling them "Smurf Semen."

posted by warbaby 17 April | 10:53

Actual sign I had to put up in the bathrooms of a dorm I lived in:

To the UNADUMPER:

Nothing the diameter of a large can of peaches and the length of a Tee-Ball bat should be coming out of you, please see a doctor immediately, this is not a joke. Barring that, please perform all eliminatory functions outside, preferably in a wooded grove during a full moon with a coven of witches surrounding you and chanting in Low German to cover up the birth pangs of whatever Hellish Poop Child is trying to claw its way out of you, bring a copy of the Necronomicon and a large can of Lysol.

Thanks,
The Management

posted by Divine_Wino 17 April | 10:53

I've seen Hellish Poop Child.
They're the shit.

posted by Hellbient 17 April | 10:58

Actual sign I chose to put up in the bathroom of a dorm I lived in:

Sitting on this throne of waste,
I reach beneath me for a taste.
My love of dung is yet unsung;
It melts apart upon my tongue.
It's pungent stuff, from bowels borne.
Hey, what is this? Yum, yum: sweet corn.

posted by Hugh Janus 17 April | 11:19

Here I sit
on the pooper
givin' birth
to a Maine State Trooper!

posted by Divine_Wino 17 April | 11:30

Next to the old saw:

Here I sit, broken hearted;
Paid a dime and only farted.

I once wrote:

Here I sit, feeling nice;
Paid a dime and jacked off twice.

posted by Hugh Janus 17 April | 11:37

Come on colon
you can do this!
If not a Mr. T
how 'bout Emmanuel Lewis?

posted by Hellbient 17 April | 11:45

Courtesy flush dammit! That's all I ask. I don't need the aroma of your innards lodging itself in my psyche for the rest of the day.

Please explain to me how guys manage to shit UNDER the toilet seat? I'm no dabbler in physics so unless you're a Flying Wallenda, please elaborate on this 8th wonder.

Also, am I the only one who removes the first few sheets of TP and discards it prior to using it? Weird.

posted by KevinSKomsvold 17 April | 13:29

don't even get me started on this. If there had been any one thing on the grounds of which I'd have executed my whole office building.

posted by rebirtha 17 April | 15:05

Hand washing rule: If there is someone else in the bathroom, be sure to wash.
Or wait until they have gone, which is less time-efficient but also consumes less energy.

But, yeah, toilet time is me time and I don't even want to acknowledge you exist, so just say gidday if you must and then shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

posted by dg 18 April | 06:46

← Piggies! OMG! || The MetaChat bunny is back! →

HOME || REGISTER || LOGIN