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29 March 2006

This thread is the anonymous sticky note you always wanted to leave your coworker. [More:]Jesus, why don't you just go topless and show everyone your tattoo?
Boy, you get a lot of personal phone calls.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 29 March | 23:23
I'd really, really like to see you naked.
posted by mike9322 29 March | 23:25
I think about you when I go to the bathroom.
posted by dobbs 29 March | 23:36
You're BORING!

posted by Miko 29 March | 23:37
You're way too pretty to work here.

Please don't stop.
posted by Zozo 29 March | 23:39
Your chair smells nice.
posted by arse_hat 29 March | 23:44
The phone conversation you just had complaining about your husband's worsening erectile dysfunction was truly none of my business. Please use your indoor voice.
posted by go dog go 29 March | 23:45
Thanks for putting up with me.
posted by cmonkey 29 March | 23:47
I know you're really smart, but your inability to speak English despite having been in this country for 15 years makes you really hard to deal with.
posted by matildaben 29 March | 23:49
[post-it note 1:] Drop the attitude, princess, and pick up the slack.

[post-it note 2:] I'll stop acting like your mom the minute you stop acting like a child, young lady.
posted by scody 29 March | 23:49
Shampoo, soap and deodorant. Please.

I really did leave this note for a fellow DJ.
posted by arse_hat 29 March | 23:55
I do not care about the Cubs, nor your football pool, nor how long you sat in traffic to get here, and I thought that sitting thirty feet away from you would be a safe enough distance not to hear your daily bellowing. I've never heard you address anyone at a volume anywhere below a shout, I am sick of seeing you abuse and intimidate people who are just trying to do their jobs, and despite the fact that you've given birth to children, I have trouble believing you aren't one of the muscle-headed jocks who used to torment me in high school. I'm glad that you're only 4 feet tall, but I still wish you would go the hell away.

posted by BoringPostcards 29 March | 23:56
I'm not your mother, clean up your shit.
posted by kyleg 30 March | 00:36
matildaben, don't they are very so annoying people, who not well english speaks? All my coworkers also talks english wrong.
I really didn't have to try hard for that... sigh
posted by carmina 30 March | 00:38
Why the fuck do you insist on zipping up an empty cash bag every goddamned morning, you stupid nunfucker?
posted by trondant 30 March | 00:40
No one who lives off pickled onions is allowed to loom over my shoulder, especially for no reason.

Also, chew your pickled onions with your mouth closed.

Thank you.
posted by small_ruminant 30 March | 00:55
Also- I'd really NOT like to see you naked- put your fucking shirt back on.
posted by small_ruminant 30 March | 00:55
I totally deserve your pay rate.
posted by shmegegge 30 March | 00:55
Yes, we noticed your hair.
No, we didn't say anything.
It's because we do. Not. Care.
And it looks ridiculous.
posted by wimpdork 30 March | 01:03
oh, and also:

[post-it note 3:] You know that little verbal tick you have, hm? That rising half-giggle, half-sneery "hm?" you tack on the end of most sentences, hm? That one, hm? FUCKING STOP IT.
posted by scody 30 March | 01:13
Despite this office's open-plan layout, not every conversation that takes place within your range of hearing needs your input. STFU.
posted by essexjan 30 March | 01:17
You know what? When you breathe? Close your mouth. Thanks.
posted by mudpuppie 30 March | 01:22
You know what? That whisper of yours? Not really very quiet. Yes, I know your husband is in jail again. No, I don't really care. Why do you keep going back to him? Jeez.
posted by mudpuppie 30 March | 01:23
You know what? That cell phone ringtone you have, the Law and Order theme song? It's really not so cute. Especially not when you get 3 calls an hour. No, not so cute.
posted by mudpuppie 30 March | 01:25
You know what? Hickies on 30-somethings?

Not cool.
posted by mudpuppie 30 March | 01:26
posted by mudpuppie 30 March | 01:29
*Scratches pups back.*
Easy love it's OK.
posted by arse_hat 30 March | 01:33
My post-it: "mudpuppie stop hassling me, alright?"
posted by carmina 30 March | 01:36
"Try working it out yourself for once."
posted by seanyboy 30 March | 02:05
Either you've gained weight or the cleaner shrunk everything you own. You make enough money to raise a family of four, and you're single. There's no excuse.

Please buy some clothes that fit properly.
posted by I Love Tacos 30 March | 03:49
The whole "walking perfume bomb" thing makes me want to punch you.
posted by Rhomboid 30 March | 05:10
Shut. UP.
posted by chewatadistance 30 March | 08:53
Oh, and

chew at a distance. I do NOT wish to hear you consuming ANYTHING. I get that twice a day when I feed our dogs. And see a shrink for your fucking insecurities, rather than foisting them on coworkers to bear with you. We don't want yours anymore than you want ours. Deal.

wow I'm mean!
posted by chewatadistance 30 March | 08:56
Every single day, you arrive ten or fifteen minutes late. Stop doing that.
posted by box 30 March | 10:40
Honey, you've "worked" here for nine years. "But I didn't know that we had to do [insert task that you've had to do every year]!!" is a piss-poor excuse. Please stop filing grievances with the union every time you are asked to do the things in your job description! Please get off the phone with your 100 relatives and work! Please stop inquiring of any student who walks in with a headscarf during Ramandan if they're fasting, in that snippy "I'm a better Muslim than you" tone of voice. Please stop hinting to our Catholic secretary that short sleeved shirts are not appropriate dress for a modest woman. Please realise that my boss backs up your work every day so she can check it, and knows that you're inputting only a quarter of the survey data, and doing that bit wrong, even though she asks you about it every day. You act like a spoiled 10 year old who complains that she has to do chores to get her allowance -- but you don't do them and they still pay you!

Please realise that every work-study student who's worked in this office, especially myself, cringes at the thought of working in an office environment because of you. Please just do your job and be passably nice to people, is that too much to ask? Even doing 70% of your job would be a huge improvement.

And when my boss gives me YOUR task because you say you'll do it but mysteriously never get around to it, DON'T file a grievance to the union when you find out. She's only giving your job away because we need to keep this place running.
posted by heatherann 30 March | 10:51
I'm going to murder you tomorrow.
posted by Hugh Janus 30 March | 11:35
Lighten up, man. Would it kill you to smile?
posted by Specklet 30 March | 11:58
That time you were whacking off in the bathroom thinking of me?

I was in the next stall over dude. Try not to moan my name so loudly next time. Also, I don't do co-workers.
posted by WolfDaddy 30 March | 13:33
You know that thing you did? That place you went? That thing you bought? I know. You've told me a million times. Guess what? I didn't give a fuck the first time. Shut up and piss off.
posted by deborah 30 March | 17:18
I'm selling my wife's box, my cock won't fit || Moving on Saturday. Nervous...