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21 March 2006

What would the Mecha Mansion be like? →[More:]Now that we've divvied up the work, where are we going to live? I vote for a big old place on lots of land with ample fireplaces, deep clawfoot bathtubs, a huge library with rolling ladders, and an arcade. I'd also like a disco room with my own disco dancers.
post by: jrossi4r at: 19:11 | 102 comments
Every bedroom has a queen sized bed and a fireplace! And it's own private bath. And a bay window.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 21 March | 19:14
Can I have secret passageways? Especially between bedrooms.
posted by matildaben 21 March | 19:16
There would be at least one room full of homebrew electronics.
posted by Triode 21 March | 19:20
All I want is a nice large room with a fireplace, where I can burn my personal belongings in a fit of madness before running off naked into the haunted woods.
posted by cmonkey 21 March | 19:20
Solar panels, radiant heat, and compact fluorescents.
posted by eamondaly 21 March | 19:21
I call the lighthouse on the rocky shore three hundred feet away.

I'll come over for dinner, of course, but mostly I'll be over there protecting the island. By turning off the light at strategic moments.
posted by interrobang 21 March | 19:21
NO PANTS.


Also, heating would not be required due to innovative multi-CPU heat distribution network.
posted by loquacious 21 March | 19:24
I want a window that looks out on where cmonkey is running naked.
posted by matildaben 21 March | 19:25
Playboy bunnies?
posted by pieisexactlythree 21 March | 19:26
An extensive underground network of tunnels, a bowling alley, Mike's pool table, and lots of bay windows/alcoves and other tiny, cozy places to lay, lounge and sleep.

Oh, and as a partial second to Triode, at least one "lab" where everything from electronics to chemistry and beyond is tinkered with.

Oh and COUCH FORT!
posted by Eideteker 21 March | 19:27
Every bedroom has a queen sized bed

Queen schmeen, I'm going for the Konger!

I like all the requests so far. Especially the pants optional part.
posted by jrossi4r 21 March | 19:27
Nix the compact flourescents. I like saving energy, but the light they emit makes my skin look sallow and icky.
posted by pieisexactlythree 21 March | 19:28
My room, wood-paneled yet light, welcoming, and sexy in demeanor would need a big, antique, masculine four poster bed, made of some beautiful dark wood that glistens with both polish and age. The Tempurpedic mattress (for my back) will be covered in really really really decadently soft cotton sheets, and that's all I/we'll need, because the temperature will always be warm enough to make a human want to shed excessive clothing in sheer delight. One firm, unyielding pillow and one soft downy pillow, and whatever kind of pillow/grabbysleepything anybody else wants in infinite supply. It will look good by any kind of light, but especially candlelight, and it will hold as many or as few as is ever needed at any occasion. Since it'll be a popular place there'll need to be really nice and cool looking objects where people can fit comfortably and friendly/cuddly like. Maybe more beds. Definitely more beds.

Right then, that's my room.

Moving on to the ORDER and DISCIPLINE room...um, we'll most likely need the Cabana Boy. And a digicam hooked up to the homebrew electronics room for broadcast for obvious reasons. To start.
posted by WolfDaddy 21 March | 19:29
Let's not forget the underground lair where we'll keep all weapons of mass destruction. Press the nose of the ceramic bunny, then it's through the fake bookshelf and down to the "Warren"

posted by seanyboy 21 March | 19:30
Can I have one up high, please? Can we be close to the ocean? Just east of it, actually. Something up high, facing the water to the west or the southwest. Even if it takes many staircases to access, please? I'll take pictures and watch the moon and the lighthouse at night from my window.

And 'bang, can I bring you and Lady 'bang tea as a thinly veiled excuse to come and visit and look at your artwork and take more pictures and bask in the glow of your guys' lighthouse wonderfulness?
posted by Frisbee Girl 21 March | 19:34
Ping-pong tables stacked on top of more ping-pong tables.
posted by AlexReynolds 21 March | 19:35
Why, certainly, Fris.
posted by interrobang 21 March | 19:37
Fireman poles to slide down!
posted by Eideteker 21 March | 19:37
NO PANTS

Well that puts paid to the secret passageways.
posted by nomis 21 March | 19:38
Fireman poles to slide down!

Only if the firemen promise to help out with the housework too.
posted by nomis 21 March | 19:39
And we need a bunch of common rooms for people to hang out in for various purposes: a theater, a few different game rooms, a pillow room, a cozy smoking den with a really big fireplace and big swinging or divided dual sliding windows for great ventilation stocked with bourbons and brandies and whiskeys, and a library. And, and, and...yeah.
posted by Frisbee Girl 21 March | 19:39
Hmmm...interesting Fris. I'm all about the ocean, but could never live out west. I need seasons. We might have to acquire a mansion on each coast and keep a fleet of private jets.

Oh...and the fireman's poles will have to be greased if we're all going to be pantsless. OUCH!
posted by jrossi4r 21 March | 19:41
Can we have a few of those rooms with heated rocks under the floor (different temperatures), like at the Korean spa?

And what about a greenhouse? (Especially if agropyron helps run it.)
posted by matildaben 21 March | 19:42
And porches. And balconies. And a trampoline.

Ok, I might be done for five minutes or so.
posted by Frisbee Girl 21 March | 19:42
Did anyone mention a pool yet? We have a cabana boy, so we should have some cabanas.
posted by jrossi4r 21 March | 19:45
jrossi4r, why not just have the east wing of the mansion look east, with appropriate marine environment and seasons to hand, and the west wing look west with the same setup? Jets not required: the folks in the lab will whip up an energy-efficient transporter in not time, I'm sure.

(I mean, like, unless you WANT a jet. Me I hate flying--in planes--so I've given Mecha Labs a generous stipend)
posted by WolfDaddy 21 March | 19:45
Trambapoline! Tramapobline!
posted by Triode 21 March | 19:46
jrossi, it could be on a penninsula or archipelago. There's just something so soothing about the sun setting over the ocean. I'm all about seasons, though. These things can be worked out.

On preview: I'm with wolfdaddy, I'm not into flying regularly or splitting up the house.
posted by Frisbee Girl 21 March | 19:48
Full b/w photography darkroom. And art gallery.
posted by matildaben 21 March | 19:48
pi, EVERYONE would look equally sallow and icky under those lights... not to mention distracting from the 'no pants' part.

We'll need a room made up just like the Cheers bar, a basement like the one on That '70s Show, a grand lobby, a small casino with NO slot machines, a large no-MSG Chinese buffet, an inflated 'bounce house' big enough at least 10 adults, a disco with mirror ball and go-go cages, and as for the bedrooms - aw hell, let's just buy the Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo and move it to an island.
posted by wendell 21 March | 19:48
Billiards Roooooooom!
posted by Specklet 21 March | 19:52
≡ Click to see image ≡
Yeah, that looks about right.
posted by mike9322 21 March | 19:52
Triode, you beat me to the "tramapoline!"

I would like a sauna. And many rooms for listening to music and reading. Arm chairs by windows and so on. Showers with shower heads nice and high so I don't have to duck to wash my beeeyutiful mane.

And a nice lap pool so that we might entice the ever-absent dame. dame we miss you!

I'll swim, sure, but I'm stil not wearing a speedo
posted by richat 21 March | 19:55
I would like a 2001 style white room. For contemplating things and for playing piano to annoying Japanese Modern Artists.
posted by seanyboy 21 March | 19:55
Or maybe just buy the hotel they used as The Village in The Prisoner and redecorate (first thing, lose the creepy security bubble thingys).
posted by wendell 21 March | 19:55
That would be a most excellent compromise, wolfdaddy. I like how you think.
posted by jrossi4r 21 March | 19:55
There will be a sign-up sheet outside the cabana. No more than 3 at a time please.
posted by mike9322 21 March | 19:55
...ditch the mosquito netting though, mike93sweetass2birthday2cabanaboy. I'd like to request no stinging, sucking, or biting. Insects.
posted by WolfDaddy 21 March | 19:56
Also - Graceland style Elvis room.
Because I know jonmc really wants one.
posted by seanyboy 21 March | 19:56
Aw mike, it should be 4. As I said in the other thread, foursomes are more fun than threesomes because everyone gets to share.
posted by matildaben 21 March | 20:00
My husband's boss bought and relocated an old 50s diner to use as their company caf. It's so awesome. Can we put one of those somewhere on the grounds? With awesome milkshakes?
posted by jrossi4r 21 March | 20:00
3 in addition to me, tilda, sweetie.
posted by mike9322 21 March | 20:02
Mistress! Did I say 'sweetie'? Clearly, I meant mistress.
posted by mike9322 21 March | 20:03
gloryholes. Lots of gloryholes.
posted by puke & cry 21 March | 20:03
Also - Graceland style Elvis room.
Because I know jonmc really wants one.
posted by seanyboy 21 March | 19:56

Yeah! I want a TV shooting room too!
posted by richat 21 March | 20:03
A gigantic Lego airplane hanging from the ceiling. A larger-than-life statute of Michelangelo's David that pees into a stream that runs through the house. A piano covered in tiny mirrors.

(These are all things in the family mansion of a girl I knew when I was younger.)
posted by amro 21 March | 20:15
Both the fireplaces and the kitchen should be pushbutton flushable.
posted by StickyCarpet 21 March | 20:21
OHOHOHOH!!! And this is my super extra special bunny pony request: can we have a pneumatic air tube transfer network, just for shits and giggles. Or maybe dumbwaiters? Or both?

Please?!?
posted by Frisbee Girl 21 March | 20:22
I will be the one printing the san-serif, bold-print sign that says "PLEASE DO NOT SEND SHIT THROUGH THE PNEUMATIC AIR TUBE TRANSFER UNIT. THANK YOU."
posted by mudpuppie 21 March | 20:26
'pup, you realize that those signs would just make me modify Almond Roca to resemble Kitty Roca and begin a mass air tubing campaign, right?
posted by Frisbee Girl 21 March | 20:32
These tubes, will they be large enough for human conveyance? 'Cause that would be bad ass.
posted by mike9322 21 March | 20:34
OMG Almond Roca! Can we have a room specifically hooked up to the PATTU(Or Necessary Deliveries (Almondroca) By Unique Trans-dwelling Transporter) network for Almond Roca delivery and subsequent consumption? We can call it the kitty box!

And 2nd the vote that the PATTU portion of the network be Futurama-like in its ability to transport humans.
posted by WolfDaddy 21 March | 20:39
...although we will also require dumbwaiters for breakfast and champagne-and-strawberries in bed occasions. And maybe to also ride down to a secret passageway.
posted by WolfDaddy 21 March | 20:42
Will you people STOP TALKING ABOUT THE SECRET PASSAGEWAYS! They're a secret.
posted by jrossi4r 21 March | 20:46
I love you, jrossi!

wolfdaddy, can I please be on your kickball team? I just like the way you think.
posted by Frisbee Girl 21 March | 20:52
...as long as I get to stomp some of the grapes you're growing in the vineyards, dear. I've ALWAYS wanted to do that.
posted by WolfDaddy 21 March | 20:56
(I can't believe that nobody has suggested a petting zoo.)

A petting zoo, one that's even better than MJ's petting zoo at least I think he had a petting zoo.

Trees, big trees, indoors - in really large spaces, with secret rooms hollowed out inside of them.

A hall of mirrors.

Zeppelin dock with Helium-filled Zeppelins.
posted by porpoise 21 March | 20:59
We need a rocket propelled, monkey navigated hover bus for going to picnics.
posted by arse_hat 21 March | 21:04
There needs to be a studio. Ideally, this would be located on the second floor of a large, barn-like outbuilding. On the ground floor could be a wood shop for those of you who like that (And we could also park our vintage cars, like my Willys wagon for instance, in there). Upstairs, we'd keep the instruments and the recording stuff, and maybe the music could have one end and the painterly/drawring folks the other end.

I'm concerned that not enough has been said about the kitchen. It should open onto the deck with large sliding glass doors, so that it's easy to refresh the pitchers of margaritas when we're sitting on the deck watching the sun set. We'll need lots of counter space for communal cooking, a probably a commercial oven and range, eight-burner. Most of the herbs and stuff can come from our organic garden, but we've got to make sure the pantry is roomy and kept well-stocked with great staples and spices and oils and vinegars.

I would like a fireplace in my room, and lots of big windows. Maybe a skylight. Yes! A skylight, above the four-poster bed. There will be piles of duvets and many, many down pillows on my bed. This'll be a peaceful room. You can come sit on the little mini-porch outside the french doors with me, and watch the stars come out when the crickets start to sing.
posted by Miko 21 March | 21:15
I thought of some more things.

1. Add pottery to the studio area. Probably on the first floor with the wood shop, due to the weight of the kiln and the wheel and all.

2. There should be a central staircase with a large, wide banister for sliding down.

3. A clothesline in the backyard, so all of our high-thread-count, Egyptian cotton sheets will smell heavenly.

4. A rope swing hanging from a tree down by the deep swimming hole, where the creek bends and it's shady. That's a good place to float a cooler, too.

And, by IRC consensus:

5. Dedicated beer fridge

6. Rumpus room

7. Atrium with birds and butterflies flying around

8. The JonMC lounge, featuring a cigarette machine, jukebox, beer on draft, and Slim Jims. Jon didn't specify, but I think there also needs to be a very suspicious large jar of pickled eggs, some old calendars, pictures of unknown men's fraternal organizations, and tattered faded Irish flags.

9. Gazebo, surrounded by fragrant heirloom roses. Also, honeysuckle vines.

10. Horse stable, for long trail rides through the woods.

11. Bunny glade (for cavorting)


posted by Miko 21 March | 21:37
at least I think he had a petting zoo.
There was a zoo and there was petting, but I don't know if they were related.

Would the monkey butlers (and hover bus chauffers) have to live in the zoo or would they have a servants' quarters?

(And I love you too, Fris!)
posted by jrossi4r 21 March | 21:40
Kitchens with large sliding glass doors? How about industrial glass-faced garage doors on three sides that roll up into the 25 foot ceiling, way above the pan-hanging racks?

The kitchen prep-island will have a sushi-bar style glass refrigerator for storing half eaten sandwiches, horseradish, and the extra diced mushrooms.
posted by StickyCarpet 21 March | 21:42
They have a servants' quarters of course. And, kilts and tams and crisply starched shirts and little monkey Doc Martins
posted by arse_hat 21 March | 21:44
Somewhere there has to be one of those fireplaces Mark Twain designed, where the chimney goes up from the sides, so that there can be a picture window right above the mantle, and we can watch the snow coming down meet the fire going up.
posted by StickyCarpet 21 March | 21:47
The apiary should be at some remove from the main house. Trust me.
posted by StickyCarpet 21 March | 21:48
Well, it better either be somewhere cool or have aircon, otherwise the heat from all those CPUs are going to fry our arses.

I suspect that the MeCha Mansion would look like a mess, because we'd all be too busy getting drubk/arguing on MeFi/chatting in IRC/fiddling with computers/doing rude things to each other/doing rude things to ourselves/cooking food to combat munchies/etc to clean anything.
posted by dg 21 March | 21:51
"The apiary should be at some remove from the main house. Trust me."

At least poo flinging distance.
posted by arse_hat 21 March | 21:53
Psst! arse_hat! Apiary.
posted by bmarkey 21 March | 22:01
Yeah I thought you were joking. I missed the post about bees. Damn you scan and miss one thing... ;)
posted by arse_hat 21 March | 22:03
"He who flings poo at bees deserves to be stung."
-- ancient chinese philosopher
posted by mudpuppie 21 March | 22:04
dg, I'd picture spending a lot less time at the computer, seeing as everyone would be physically present.

Stickycarpet, I like the way you think. Particularly the industrial glass garage doors.
posted by Miko 21 March | 22:05
Oops, my mistake. We always called it the apiary. And this outstructure really was a private zoo for apes on the dilapitaded grounds of the Holloway estate were we lived.
posted by StickyCarpet 21 March | 22:05
Maybe we could have apes tend to the bees too? We could sell the honey to support the habitat of the great apes.
posted by arse_hat 21 March | 22:13
I think I'll need a minstrel boy. Someone to sing to me with a voice so lovely that it flies up and over the balcony and into my ears for when I feel melancholy. On such days my room will be cool enough for lap throws, flannel jammies that you never take off all day and cups of cocoa. With some kind of alcohol dumped in them. Bailey's or a good whiskey, perhaps.
posted by WolfDaddy 21 March | 23:59
Dedicated beer fridge walk-in cooler.

Uh, also a room with aquariums for walls, a system like the one they use for plugging a vacuum hose into a wall socket and sending the dust down to a megavac in the basement (except it runs in reverse and is connected to a gigantic bong in the basement, constantly supplied with weed by an army of enslaved Young Republicans.)

And a helipad.
posted by trondant 22 March | 00:10
One library is not enough. We need multiple libraries of varying sizes. And a huuuuuge gourmet kitchen with all the latest gadgets. And I need my own room. Cats. Lots of cats.
posted by tejolote 22 March | 00:22
I want a dumbwaiter. And a bookcase that swings around and becomes an entrance to a secret room.

I'd like a really cool old-school English-type library, with walls covered in bookshelves filled with any book I might want to read.

What I really want, though, is The Chocolate Room from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
posted by sisterhavana 22 March | 00:28
For practicality's sake, I can't believe nobody's said a T1 connection and ubiquitous wifi!

Other than that, though, I'd like one room completely covered in bubblewrap, and another one with a trampoline floor and padded walls
posted by me3dia 22 March | 00:34
Okay - LT's room.

A loft. With a window overlooking wine vineyards. A large flop of a bed in the corner, with blankets heaped everywhere and body-sized pillows.

Tall, translucent pillars of varying light.

Bookshelves floor-to-ceiling built into the walls. Piles of books piled up on the floor besides.

Barn or cathedral ceiling. A gigantic laundry hamper in another corner, piled high with clean, wrinkled clothes, on top of which a dog sleeps.

Small tables and cushions about for eating. Hardwood floors covered over by various oriental rugs. Lots and lots of empty space.

Bring your rollerskates.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 22 March | 00:38
Everyone's bedroom has a special "inner child inner chamber", an adjoining room that you decorate, furnish and stock to delight the 6- or 8- or 12-year-old you.
posted by taz 22 March | 00:41
A model train that goes throughout the entire house, through the walls and such.
posted by Eideteker 22 March | 00:47
If the mansion is in the US we need to bring in a Canadian bartender to make a good Caesar. T1 me3dia? We'll need an OC3.

Oh and if we have vineyards I will need a place to make my wines. (I just bottled a shiraz tonight)
posted by arse_hat 22 March | 00:47
oh, wait... the mansion is in the U.S.? *rethinks*

Okay, we're going to need a huge mental health facility, lots of debugging equipment, lead walls, private security, air and coast patrol, adjoining mansion for lawyers...

*head hurts*
posted by taz 22 March | 00:52
taz, I was rather thinking the mansion replaced the US. At least that's how I see it up in my thinking box with pictures.
posted by WolfDaddy 22 March | 00:56
*head hurts*
*hands taz a nice glass of wine*
posted by arse_hat 22 March | 00:56
Just looked at that Caesar recipe. The term "Clamato Rimmer" made me clench in a really unpleasant way. I'll stick to Bloody Marys, thanks.
posted by bmarkey 22 March | 00:57
no really.

you want the Clamato Rimmer.

you just don't know it yet.
posted by arse_hat 22 March | 00:59
I'm spoken for, thanks. Flattered, but not interested.
posted by bmarkey 22 March | 01:04
We'll need an OC3.

You're absolutely right.
posted by me3dia 22 March | 01:48
Shyeah, we need to plan for HD pron growth.

OC12, baby!!!
posted by WolfDaddy 22 March | 02:51
Okay, we also need a special sound-proofed torture room for people who seal little kittens up in cardboard boxes.

And I, for one, would like to be the dungeon mistress.

*shows no mercy*
posted by mudpuppie 22 March | 02:53
Oh, and just for the record? I don't mean 'torture' in the fun way.
posted by mudpuppie 22 March | 02:55
Black Box Theatre
Dance Studio
Full Gym
Woodworking/Machine Shop
Mayberry style Time Out/Drunk Tank



Clinic.
posted by rainbaby 22 March | 07:45
Rooftop garden/star skywatching area. with a bar.
meditation cave.
velodrome.

what?
posted by chewatadistance 22 March | 07:51
OK, the darkroom should be in the basement of the studio outbuilding so I can get the creativity vibes trickling down from all you creative types.

I also want one of those Sonus things that pumps MP3s throughout the whole house.
posted by matildaben 22 March | 10:10
this is conflating jobs and mansion, but can I look after the kitchen garden?

And a croquet lawn, please.
posted by gaspode 22 March | 10:16
A model train that goes throughout the entire house, through the walls and such.


Ooo! And one of those crawly clear things for cute little hamsters. All through the walls and everything.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 22 March | 11:15
I like the velodrome idea, chewatadistance. How about a track that surrounds an ice rink?
posted by porpoise 22 March | 12:24
Could we have a moat? Not for protection, but so we can swim all the way around.

Oh, and speaking of water, I'd like to request a big clawfoot tub as my own private bath. Near a south-facing window, under the eaves so it's all slanty.

Did someone mention a piano already?
posted by tangerine 22 March | 12:28
Ah yes, good call on the bath facilities, tangerine. That'll be your private bath, but I think the clawfoot tun should be standard spec throughout the house. But retrofitted with whirlpool jets, and definitely deep enough to soak up to your shoulders without spilling bubbles on the floor. And the showers should be those large granite semi-enclosed ones with the mutlple-level jets from all directions. And plenty of hot water.
posted by Miko 22 March | 12:37
I'm late, I'm late!

No one has mentioned a maze?! We must have a maze in the garden.
posted by deborah 25 March | 04:58
i don't even think the grounds of our stately home have been mentioned.
i'm calling dibs on the carriage house.
posted by ethylene 25 March | 05:07
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