He's dreeeeamy- go for it!

170 IQ. ::snicker snicker::

I could take him.

Take him where? Talk slow, two guys dating totally turns me on.

Based on the flood of responses I've had so far, it may take a while for me to get back to you. I rarely respond to profiles, so if I respond to yours, consider it an honour.

Yeah. Wow, what a catch.

At least he gave you an out. You can always respond "Sorry -- I'm intimidated by your confidence!"

Ha! I hope you feel honored, Orange Swan... he doesn't respond to many profiles.

Orange Swan, highlight the text then hit ctrl-c. Just tried it, it works great.

Greek descent, 6’2”, brown hair, green eyes, lean build, 7” endowment, sexually insatiable (3-4 times a day). I believe in loyalty, NOT MONOGAMY. I believe that a couple should have sex with others TOGETHER, not off on their own. I am a hopeless romantic seeking a life partnership, but open to one short-term with a “wait and see” attitude. I am highly intelligent (IQ 170), post-graduate educated, financially secure, and own my own companies. But I am not materialistic. I love dogs, chocolate, food, and chiropractors (most physicians are money-grubbing pill pushers). Here is how my ex described me in a “couples” profile: “He’s extremely considerate, loves animals, is kind yet speaks his mind, extremely romantic, passionate beyond belief, sexually insatiable, dominant in a sweet way, and capable of making love for hours on end. The man has a brilliant intellect and is the greatest conversationalist I have ever met.” You are an attractive, free-spirited, sexually open, adventurous woman. Intelligence is a must, but education, social class, and age are unimportant. I come from a poor family, so I treat all with respect and am not impressed by social status. You must be your own person and care not what family or friends think. You must enjoy good conversation and appreciate my warped, twisted, witty, sarcastic humour. I enjoy plenty of oral - giving and receiving, so please be clean-shaven and of impeccable hygiene. I take good care of myself, so you must not be obese. If you are intrigued, not intimidated by my confidence, and possess the courage to pursue a sexually fulfilling yet spiritually and emotionally stable relationship, send me your name & contact #. Don’t be shy if you are inexperienced, since I am a patient, gentle teacher. Based on the flood of responses I've had so far, it may take a while for me to get back to you. I rarely respond to profiles, so if I respond to yours, consider it an honour. Dimitri

I'd take him back to Mepos.

agro, I think she means that she can't copy the personal message that he sent to her.

You can always do a screen capture of the message, Orange Swan. I can't wait.

I think Paris Hilton would love this guy.

7” endowment = "obviously not gay, despite my vanity"

Everyone knows that gay men's penises are 8" at the BARE MINIMUM.

Yes, circumference too.

Thus, homphobia. In men, at least. Intimidation!

Hey, thanks agropyron!!! And here's the message he sent me.....

Date: Mar 20 at 11:44 PM EST

Subject: You intrigue me ...

In the short time that my profile has been on line I have been flooded with inquiries from beautiful women. However, I am quite picky and have been extremely disappointed with the calibre of women I've seen ... and then I come across your profile.

What a lovely creature. You are the perfect balance between sexiness and elegance. You exude an extremely powerful aura in your photo, and such confidence must intimidate most men, making them insecure and jealous. I am Greek, and worship women who are powerful.

I love kissing and licking my lover from head to toe after massaging her entire body, and would consider it an honour to pamper you in that regards.

And, I love the eloquent, intelligent way in which your ad is written. Truly, only a sensual woman can express her thoughts the way you have. And, after reading your profile, I will use my remaining credits answering other profiles because I CAN'T STAND CATS !!!

Check out my profile and keep an open mind. If you are not intimidated by what I have written, and have the courage to move forward, I'd love for you and I to meet for a coffee down at the beaches where I live. We can then take a romantic walk along the boardwalk and see if the chemistry overtakes our senses.

I have not responded to anyone else's profile. I chose to respond to yours for the reasons outlined above.

Dimitri

I know that I, for one, am reconsidering my criteria for who I wouldn't date.

I think Orange, you need to take up on this guy's offer and meet him. Just to report back to us!

To me he sounds a total loser, but then again, what do I know?

I, for one, am beating my head against the ground and screaming, "Why, God? WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

What's with the cats thing?

Based on the flood of responses I've had so far, it may take a while for me to get back to you. I rarely respond to profiles, so if I respond to yours, consider it an honour.

Hmm, when I was on a very popular hookup site, I think I wrote something similar to this. Actually, it went along the lines of, "I'm getting a lot of messages, so please be patient while I answer them. If you don't get a response from me, it's probably because I didn't see anything I liked."

But then again, that was a sex hook-up site and not a traditional dating site. Different rules apply.

I'd hit it. Then I'd throw the car in reverse, back slowly over it, shift into drive, and hit it again.

It's probably because I say in my profile that I am definitely a dog person ("if you have a dog, that's good. If your dog's breath and manners are better than yours, that's bad...").

"Why, God? WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Because "You are the perfect balance between sexiness and elegance. You exude an extremely powerful aura in your photo, and such confidence must intimidate most men, making them insecure and jealous".

That. Was. My. Freaking. Passport. Photo.

Freaking requires passports now?

7” endowment = "obviously not gay, despite my vanity"

I'm not so sure, after all he CAN'T STAND CATS !!!

Since when is 7" something to brag about? Isn't that pretty average? It is in my experience.

I thought his "can't stand cats" was in reference to your "everytime you don't reply, god kills a kitten" tagline.

yeah, I looked at your profile :)

No no no no, gay men LOVE cats. It's probably Freudian. And I thought 6.5 inches was "average" but who measures?

I have an 8" hand span. Great for surreptitious measuring. Not that I would, of course;-)

I found another photo of Dimitri on another dating site.

Orange Swan,

Will you be my online girlfriend for the next five minutes in which you can email that dude and say you're taken?

[]yes
[]no
Check one.

sincerely,
sciurus

ps. my tail is 10"

I dunno, I think the—well, the thoroughness of this guy's profile is a positive. He couldn't have done you a bigger favour if he'd replaced his photo with an animated GIF flashing "RUN—AWAY—ORANGE—SWAN—RUN—AWAY—ORANGE—SWAN."

We should all take a moment to thank the Dmitris of the world for being easy to avoid, and easier to mock.

Heh. Here's dimitrithelover's livejournal er... ad? Evidently he puts up pink posters around Toronto with the same info.

I'd hit it. Then I'd throw the car in reverse, back slowly over it, shift into drive, and hit it again.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 21 March | 11:55

Hahaha! Seriously.

and here!

...notes the glaring absence (thus far) of any ads on Craigslist, goes "hmmmm".

Sexually Satisfied ?</o:p>

Oh, I'm sexually satisfied at least </o:v>, but thanks for asking.

Say what you will, Dimitri still gets points for proper spelling, grammar and homonym avoision. My interest is peaked!

Yes, Triode, he even used the Canadian "our" and "re" endings. My anal little editor's heart was warmed in spite of itself.

My interest is peaked!

Intentional? I never can tell. Funny either way.

and here!

...oh, it's that dimitri-the-lover? I'm kind of jealous, OrangeSwan - you've been hit on by a minor internet celebrity! (as of a few years ago, at least...)

Holy shit. I checked out iconomy's link, but not taz's, as I figured it would be a joke as well. I mean, wow. Imagine how many times this guy has been savagely mocked or told off, and he still thinks this approach is a good idea.

Very intentional, mike9322.

I can't stop saying "You intrigue me..." with a smarmy greek accent. (Actually, it's not really a Greek accent. More like Ricardo Montalban.)

Oh good Lord. While reading the comments to this creature's live journal ad, it came back to me that back when I was on Plentyoffish, I was messaged by a woman who wanted me to fool around with her and her boyfriend - the boyf was Dimitri!!!!

Added to dealbreaker list: Wardrobe by International Male.

I love kissing and licking my lover from head to toe after massaging her entire body, and would consider it an honour to pamper you in that regards...

...We can then take a romantic walk along the boardwalk and see if the chemistry overtakes our senses.

...we will take a romantic walk on the beach. At first, we will run in the surf and laugh in an extremely playful manner. If you want to splash me, you can feel free to do so. I will not mind.

Then, as the sun goes down, things will get more serious as you cradle your head into my shoulder. At some point during our walk, I will kiss you with such passion that your knees will tremble. Then, I will scoop you up and walk with you in my arms back to our shared bungalow. At no point while carrying you will I seem tired.

When we get to the bungalow, I will lay you down on the bed and wash the sand off your feet with a soap and water solution. After drying your feet with a 100 percent cotton towel, I will take out a satchel filled with perfumed oils that I have personally selected for your particular feet. I will rub your feet for three hours. While I am doing so, I will say a variety of compliments specially tailored to you. Among these comments will be "Your makeup looks so fine" and "I cannot wait to taste you."

I will also tell you that you look beautiful.

Heh. I love Smoove.

Wow... that reads like the cover letter to a resume.

Well, if one was applying for a job listed as "fucking" on Monster.

Super creepy.

Personally, I think anyone who proudly describes themselves as "___thelover" is a surefire lousy lay. We're talking balancing on your hair during the entire two seconds he can last while asking horrid things in broken english, like "who is the daddy of you?!"

I was on OK Cupid for a while. I got sick of emails from people calling me their "dark mistress" and "milady." Now I get creepy personals-esque messages on myspace, despite saying "in a relationship" on my profile.

Heh, on the LJ thing that taz posted, Dmitri's avatar is Pepe Le Pew.

Feminists need not apply:

I am open-minded, but that does not mean that I willing to yield to amasculinating societal norms. I am intelligent, and with that intelligence comes the insight into realizing that a man being "sensitive" for sensitivity's sake puts him in denial of what it means to be a man. It will make him a both a sexual and emotional dud for a woman. I am gentle, but I am not a pushover. I am firm and forceful when necessary, with my wrath meted out fairly.

You see my dear, being a good lover requires striking the perfect balance between raging hormones (the inner rapist), massive intellect (the inner philosopher), and an intense love of women (the inner Cassanova). I have self-actualized and have therefore found harmony amongst the three.

And, in response to a deleted comment:

I am honoured. You have been added to my friends' list. Thank you for your fervent loyalty to the male cause.

And let's not forget his former lovers' pull-quotes:

"You are nothing like I thought at first. You are so sweet. I wish I wasn't married, but my sister is single.", Jenny, Poster Respondent

"I'm sorry I lied about my weight. I thought you were lying too. I didn't think that you would actually look like you described in your poster. I'm so embarrassed.", Andrea, Poster Respondent

"I've never come with oral before. I wish you could show my boyfriend how you did that", Allison, Met at Starbucks

"You are the first man who actually took the time to understand how I feel. Are you a psychologist?", Amanda, Poster Respondent

"How come I can't have orgasms like that with my husband?", Heather, Poster Respondent

"They say 'once you go black, you never go back'. I can't believe it! You actually brought me back!", Susan, Met on Sidewalk in the Beaches

"I was so nervous about e-mailing some strange guy off a poster, but I'm so glad my first time was with you. It's a special moment I will carry with me when I go to university next year. Will you visit me? I think I'm falling in love with you.", Kira, Poster Respondent

Holy wow.

Women who force me to wear a condom, then after we've been dating for a couple of weeks or have exchanged "I love you's", figure it's OK to fuck bareback, even though they don't make me get an HIV test. Isn't it interesting how familiarity breeds HIV negativity? Give me a fucking break! Firstly, there are only two serious STD's for a woman to worry about ... HIV and Hepatitis. Secondly, Hepatitis can be prevented with a simple vaccine from your doctor. Thirdly, there has never been a reported case in all medical literature of heterosexual transmission of HIV from female to male, only vice-versa, because the virus must enter through the bloodstream, i.e. cervix or anal mucosa. So, as long as you are pretty sure the guy you are fucking has not IV drug abused or taken it up the ass, you're fine. For more info go to http://www.aliveandwell.org/html/risk_realities/straight_myth_shatter.html.

Wow. He's a medical expert too.

I am now laughing so f*ing loud, bordering on the state of *beverage spew*, at:

Specklet (Smoove)
Kellydammit ("Milady":I had the same experience with my two weeks on OKCupid)
Dimitri ("amasculinating?" "inner rapist?" bwahahaa)
Pup (Pepe LePew)

Oh man, it just keeps getting worse!

See: The Ten Commandments according to Dimitri.

Oh man, it just keeps getting worse!

[Runs screaming from thread.]

I have spent the last couple of weeks perusing your board after being informed by a lover of mine, of a Dimitri-related tirade ensuing on March 21st. These posts were a result of a recipient of my on-line advances informing the community of her good fortune.

The resultant thread provided me with some much needed comic relief, having just gotten out of a long-term relationship. To answer the main question lingering in everyone's mind ... yes, my profile is working for me big time. Off line I have no trouble meeting women for sex, but felt that it was far more efficent, being a busy entrepeneur, to post my "shopping list" for a long-term girlfriend/future wife on line.

However, what I want to focus on now are complaints posted by women who have been unsatisfied with the men they are meeting from on line dating sites. For example, one young lady complained that she went on dates with 4 men consecutively ... and that they were all "nice guys" but there was "no chemistry".

Conversely, I am being flooded with smiles and responses to my Lavalife profiles in all three sections under the nickname "dimitrithelover" and after going out on dozens of dates, and making love to several women subsequently, my phone is ringing off the hook. Why? I am handsome, but I am sure there are handsomer guys on Lavalife. What is the allure?

I'll tell you what it is: I am a REAL MAN ... not a "macho man" ... check out my url link for details. I speak my mind, tell women STRAIGHT UP-FRONT what I am all about. I do not cheat or lie. I am not a "player". I do not purport to condone the techniques of the "pick up" community, which amount to seducing and destroying women. I am highly sexual, but in a "female worship" rather than a misogynistic way.

The reason why these "nice guys" are not cutting it for you is that due to social castration by feminist society, they have lost their animalistic edge. They are too timid and weak. They allow women to step all over them. They lie to obtain sex. They are afraid to lay their cards out on the table because they are desperate to get laid. I DO NOT LIE EVER. I confidently stand my ground whilst being polite, respectful, and sensitive to a woman's needs. If more men allowed their true selves to come through, women would be much more sexually satisfied.

"Chemistry" is pure phermones. If you don't believe it, try to meet a guy like me for a coffee and compare him to the "nice guys" with hidden agendas. I guarantee that it will be an eye opener.

Have a pleasant day.

Dimitri The Lover