older men/younger women: the rant I'm just letting off some steam here....
→[More:]The whole sexist "older man/younger woman" norm in our culture pisses me off no end — not because it's the norm, but because of the whole strain of entitlement that has evolved from it.

In daily life I am continually hassled by older men who try to use me for an easy thrill. They really seem to think it's okay to paw me uninvited or make lewd comments. I can't begin the count the times it has happened. For example, there was a certain co-worker's disgusting late sixties goat of a husband whom I nearly slapped at my company's Christmas dinner dance because he tried to give me a warm close hug and kiss. His wife assured me that he was "just being friendly". I didn't see him "just being friendly" with any of my male co-workers, nor even with any of my female co-workers who are significantly older and less attractive than me — just those of us who were younger and ranged from presentable to very pretty. I firmly offered my hand for him to shake. He proceeded to kiss it, slobbering all over it in the process. Ewwwwww. I bet men my age aren't subjected to this sort of thing from women old enough to be their mothers.

I'm 32, and I state very clearly in my Lavalife profiles that I want a man between 29 and 35, and that men over 40 should save their credits as I will not be responding, yet I *daily* get at least several messages from men anywhere from 40 to 70.

I wouldn't blame them for trying if they'd only have a little modesty about it, if I could feel they had some realizing sense that they're at a disadvantage. But no. I've had so many older men refer to themselves as catches, loftily tell me that "age is just a number" and act as though I'm being closed minded for not wanting to date them. I tell them I'm sure there are lots of women in their fifties and sixties who would appreciate their open-mindedness. But oh no, they don't date older women. Such infuriating hypocrisy. Age matters as much to them as to me — it's my preferences and best interests that don't matter to them.

So many men feel entitled to someone significantly younger than them. There are so many guys 30-35 on Lava who say they aren't interested in anyone above the age of 27 or so. Of course this bothers me very little compared to the harassment I get — I simply move to the next profile.

Another thing that bothers me is all the times I get told by women (usually those who are older than me) that I should be dating older men. I doubt that there are many men in their early thirties who are being lectured about how they should be dating women in their forties. A man my age is considered to deserve a single woman in her twenties while I'm expected to settle for some middle-aged man in his forties who is probably divorced and has kids — or who is unmarried for excellent reasons.

The argument I get from these older female friends is that "men your age won't be mature enough for you", which I consider to be another bit of sexist garbage. I don't find that, overall, men in their thirties are less mature than women of the same age (sure there's a gap in the teens and early twenties, but it evens out). And age is never any guarantor of maturity in either gender. I know selfish, irresponsible people in their forties and above, and grounded, trustworthy, integrated people in their twenties.

One time I had a date with someone who was ONE YEAR YOUNGER than me and a friend of mine kept going on that he was "so young, so young, so young" like a broken record (in a way that implied he was too young) while I was trying to tell her about him. And she wants me to meet some forty something friend of hers who doesn't want children (I do, and she knows that). The next time she does it I'm going to ask her not to.

I also read an essay awhile back written by a woman in her late thirties who was dating a guy ten years younger in which she said she was constantly getting warned that the guy would move on to someone younger eventually. No one would dream of saying that to a man who was ten years older than his partner.

Vent complete. Thanks for listening;-)