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She came home from the vet after I took her in Monday before last, she ate for a few days, she was good up until the day before yesterday and then she just went down, down, down and never came up. We had a nice ten days together but she kept getting weaker and weaker until she could barely climb onto the couch. She just sat still all day the past two days, staring into space, dull eyed and unable to bear the stress of the slightest touch.
It was, as it turned out, most likely metastasised carcinoma, quite possibly with a perforated intestine and peritonitis as well. She was skin and bones and a swollen stomach at the end, she just melted away to a wisp and a wraith.
It was so sweet to spend these few days with her when she was up a little and we had a few more moments together, she would let me hold her when I lay down, stretched on top of me, head on my shoulder and I petted her with the lightest touch and she purred. And I was there now with her in the Be Here Now sense, now and then, in the moment, happy, content, then heartbroken and crying from one minute to next. I tried to enjoy every second but it was so hard sometimes. And, then again, it was so sweet when I could just lay there happy she was still alive to the pleasure of my touch and company.
And so she was until yesterday. Then, all of a sudden, she could barely be touched, she stayed in a space on the floor between the chair and the couch, she didn't want to be picked up anymore, she cried if I touched her and she wouldn't purr anymore. Or just barely, just weakly for a few moments. But mostly she couldn't bear to have attention payed to her. She wanted to hide in a corner, under a table, away from sight.
The prednisone didn't work, she hated being pilled and I couldn't get her to drink either. If it had have been lymphoma rather than carcinoma, the vet said, she would have snapped back for a little bit with the prednisone, but she didn't. I wish we could have another week or two, that she could have died in her sleep at home but suddenly she was so miserable and so sick. So it ended today at the vet's office. I didn't want to do it but there it was.
She was the sweetest and smartest cat with whom I had ever shared a room. I wish, I wish--but what can you do ? Now I am all alone again.
I'm so sorry karl. A couple years ago we watched our beautiful and crazy torty succumb to intestinal lymphoma and it was awful (and prednisone didn't do shit for her). Know that you did the right thing.
My condolences, y2karl. I have put a cat down, gone with a friend to put her cat down, and had a cat mauled to death last summer. You did the right thing, and you gave her a good life. It was her time to go.
This story is so familiar to me; my heart goes out to you in deepest sympathy. To have shared a life like that, even through its ending, is a beautiful gift. From what you say, it sounds like you can trust yourself to experience the fullness of your feelings, even the saddest ones. Please know that when you do, there are many hearts there with you.
y2karl, condolences, my friend! I haven't been around much this week, and was just checking back to see if you had any follow-up posts since your post a week or so ago. Bummer to find this news. It sounds like you did right by her so you should feel good about that. So sorry, really.
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