MetaChat - Hard People

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10 March 2006

Hard People There are so many hard people in the world - people who are arrogant, unapologetic about hurting others because they know that they are right, and not at all bad - just... hard, invulnerable.→[More:]I'm glad, today, for the softer people, who lay themselves open to hurt and admit when they have hurt others, who are silly, who trust even though they have been hurt before. My other half is one, and a Bunny, not a local one, is another. Soft people are fabulous, and I am grateful that they exist. I won't ever regret being soft, vocal, emotional, empathetic, and liable to step on toes. I'll just apologise when I do it.

post by: By the Grace of God at: 09:53 | 30 comments

also, bacon is good.

posted by By the Grace of God 10 March | 09:59

Thank God for bacon.

posted by essexjan 10 March | 10:19

that made me smile, thanks!

posted by By the Grace of God 10 March | 10:21

I used to worship 'hard guys,' and I still can dig their..utility, but somewhere along the line, I realized I'm no hard guy, so I gave up trying to be. And softness and toughness are not mutually exclusive.

posted by jonmc 10 March | 10:23

Hi jonmc, you rock. Really. Your heart is big and you are a soft person in the best of ways. I just wonder where they get their self confidence from. From whence cometh the self confidence to be, say, risky in your personal demeanor, perhaps inviting people to think of you as an asshole, without giving a shit? How do these people just not care what anybody else thinks? I care too much, probably.

This should get better when I get a job. 3 interviews next week, yay!

posted by By the Grace of God 10 March | 10:26

and the thing is, even as I type this, I know that this person has every right to be that way... I just wish it weren't so. I'm not angry at all, just sad.

posted by By the Grace of God 10 March | 10:28

I just wonder where they get their self confidence from.

In my experience, from brutal upbringings filled with material and/or emotional deprivation. The hardness is a learned way to cope with live, that in their enviornment evolved as a percieved neccessity. It's a tough price to pay for a little percieved self-assuredness that's actually just plain survival head.

posted by jonmc 10 March | 10:32

Interesting.

My own upbringing wasn't a piece of cake.. I guess I am grateful that I got through it without becoming withdrawn. Reflecting on it, I'd rather be too sensitive than not sensitive enough. I'm doing better every year, and my family is impressed that I've made it this far (shrug).. I wonder if there's any way to get the hard people to lower their shells. I can't help caring about someone, being interested in getting to know what they're like inside, without the forbidding outer persona.

posted by By the Grace of God 10 March | 10:38

it takes strength to be gentle and kind.

posted by Hellbient 10 March | 10:39

The future would mean nothing without Bacon.

posted by Smart Dalek 10 March | 11:16

I remember some quote about how people who have endured a lot of hardship become either very cruel or very gentle.

This is something I have observed in war veterans. A great many who saw terrible combat become very gentle later in life. But there are some that become over-toughened, angry, and abusive.

I like the Buddhist idea that suffering and pain are what motivate us to develop compassion for others.

posted by Miko 10 March | 11:19

I try to walk the line, but usually fail miserably. Those who get to know me love my soft and squishy middle, though that may be a self-selecting criterion.

posted by Eideteker 10 March | 11:20

Those who get to know me love my soft and squishy middle,

You told me that was nougat, you lying bastard!

posted by jonmc 10 March | 11:25

Yay, my other half sent me a skype message saying he loves me. He is so wonderful, full of hugs and kisses all the time, and delighted to receive the same from me. I am so earth-shakingly grateful for that. Even tho he has horrible politics. :)

posted by By the Grace of God 10 March | 11:32

Sometimes I'm a hard asshole, sometimes a soft one.

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by Hugh Janus 10 March | 11:34

This thread is making me hard.

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 10 March | 11:48

That kind of hard is okay. :)

posted by By the Grace of God 10 March | 11:58

Ketchup bottle hard?

posted by chewatadistance 10 March | 12:07

diving board hard.

posted by jonmc 10 March | 12:07

*fans self*

posted by Miko 10 March | 12:11

Vinne Jones fuckin' 'ard, 'ats wot!

posted by Hugh Janus 10 March | 12:16

Hm. Well I'm a hard-soft person. Hard people think I'm soft, and soft people think I'm hard. If I were ice cream, I'd be juuuuust right.

posted by taz 10 March | 12:39

care to talk about how you got that way and what you mean a bit, taz?

posted by By the Grace of God 10 March | 12:52

I'm the way I've always been, from birth. I'm very empathetic... and I'm also very pragmatic. I'm very, very logical. I'm also very loving, tender and tolerant. Sometimes people who celebrate or embrace one side of my nature don't understand the other side.

But, also... a lot of people do. Yay!

posted by taz 10 March | 13:45

I think that if you really pay close attention some (maybe a lot) of the people we think are 'hard' are hiding a big softy inside. And vice versa of course. Some softies are manipulative like hell. I don't like either. Or I like both. Depends on the day.

posted by carmina 10 March | 14:27

I'm sure people thought I was, but I wouldn't say I was hard before. I was really shut off from anything emotional - bad and good emotions. I learned at a very young age that showing emotion would get you nothing except hurt (physically, emotionally). I taught myself to wall away that part of my self. It took meeting my husband and him teaching me that being open emotionally is a good thing. Now I can actually verbalize my feelings. I can give and accept hugs without cringing.

I think that at times I'm too emotional but I'd rather be that than close up myself again.

posted by deborah 10 March | 14:49

deborah, this is good. I went the other way round. Living in a foreign country did not help at all. Problem is, there are times, like now, where I revert to my little old self. And *that* is weird. And confusing.

posted by carmina 10 March | 15:03

deborah, I could've written that. I was shut off emotionally from a very young age, and also blanked out any feelings with alcohol. It was getting sober that taught me how to feel, and meeting George that taught me how to love.

I'm still not a great hugger though.

posted by essexjan 10 March | 16:14

(((jan)))

I'm the first one in the family, in at least three generations, to not have an alcohol and/or drug problem. Food on the other hand...

I'm not good at instigating hugs unless it's family, but I can accept them with ease from just about anyone. Baby steps. :^)

posted by deborah 10 March | 20:38

Good stuff, guys - thanks for the comments!

I'm here in my world, pleased and proud to be in it and utterly defiant of all the critics.

posted by By the Grace of God 12 March | 07:23

← Photo Friday 10 March! || Well, it's Friday, and I got new hair. So, I'm feelin' cocky. →

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