Thou whoreson impudent embossed rascal!

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberry.

someone had to do it.

SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS TOFFEE-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!

*self-disqualifies for copying from a master

You are dogshit.

bush

This contest is mine, but it must wait as I tarry before an early work day and a "all staff required" meeting where they'd better announce "raises for all!" or "we're folding!" or "someone fucking died" if they know what's good for them.

I'm no good at this kind of thing. I'll wait for the "flirt with me" thread.

PISS OFF YOU MALODEROUS SON OF A PONCE!

It's not even worth the effort.

You realize that you haven't done a "Radio Free Sciurus" in over a month, you pathetic waste of fur?

that probably wasn't my contest entry; just consider it a gratuity

You are about as charming as a dead mouse in a loaf of bread.

That's because I don't have free WiFi no more, taz. If I get it again though, you'll have your own tribute show from me.

If diarrhea mouth loquacious is entering the contest I'm not even going to try. Talk about your verbal windbags...

Oh sorry, this isn't the "insult loquacious" thread. Carry on.

Wow. Yer makin it rilly hard for me to insult you, asshole.

You have a booger.

Hey squirrel boy, is that a tail or does your shadow have mange?

Not worth m— dammit, Wino.

Here's the one I concocted testing out the early Mac Text-to-Speech software:
"You smelly really bad like rotting cheese festering in the armpits of an Austrian merchant lying dead in the street for two weeks."

Asshaberdasher.

Oh, and I may DQ myself by participating more than once, but fuck it. (Buttfuck it? Hmm...)

Sciurus? WTF is that? It almost sounds like Latin for "some lame rodent." Get a real handle.

You're so dumb you couldn't find a pecan in East Texas. Other squirrels see you scamper by and they take a break from gnawing on their nuts and they say, "Hey, there goes sciurus. Did you hear what he did the other day? He was crossing a telephone line and he just fell off. Like, fell off! Man, that squirrel is stupid." You're so dumb, even a dumb moose wouldn't befriend you for the purpose of sharing silly misadventures involving pointy foreign spies and whales named Maybe Dick. You're so dumb, you hide your food in wrapping paper tied up in neat little bows instead of, you know, tree trunks and such.

Jeez, you are really dumb.

Also, your mama wears wombat boots.

thread update:

mudpuppie is currently winning.

Ha! I shit squirrels bigger'n you!

So you're going for length? Or cleverness?

You can't even make up your fucking mind, can you?

Perhaps you should see a doctor? I don't think that someone's breath should smell that way.

So they're calling rats with big asses "squirrels" these days? I've seen better pelts on rotten fruit. You look like something an owl coughed up. And what kind of a squirrel is afraid of heights? You have all the survival instincts of a flatulent dragon, which you resemble from downwind, too. You are the weakest link in the food chain, which should be used to hang you with. Even maggots and blowflies refuse to have you for dinner. You are a tapeworm with whiskers.

Also, your mama wears wombat boots.

So they're calling rats with big asses "squirrels" these days? I've seen better pelts on rotten fruit. You look like something an owl coughed up. And what kind of a squirrel is afraid of heights?

I actually have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

Hey, nutbreath!

A ground squirrel is afraid of heights. ;)

Freshly ground? Tar tar?

Well, if I'd known you were a ground squirrel, I wouldn't have even wasted my breath insulting you. Normally, ground squirrels are just chipmunks with delusions of grandeur, but in your case, I think you're just a mole that tunneled under the shithouse floor and got high on the fumes.

≡ Click to see image ≡

What. The. Fuck?

*dying laughing* Where on earth do you find these things, pup?

When you visit, specklet, I'll show you my extensive personal collection of small furry animals in funny hats. Most of the collection is photographic (the Viewmaster reels are my favorite), but about 20% is taxidermic.

Nuh UH!

I don't want to lose my lead in this thread by derailing it, but just for evidentiary purposes:


≡ Click to see image ≡

Thread Update:

Mudpuppie Wins!

An Otis Redding CD.

Woo fucking hoo!!

Okay, who's next? I'll insult for free, you know.

Aw maaaan I love Otis Redding!

And pup, that's another pic that just makes me laugh.

I'm pissed and slightly baffled. mudpuppies comments and pictures were cute & all... But insulting? Puh-leeeeze!

Otis Redding rocks!

Of course I should be disqualified for leaving off the apostrophe in "mudpuppie's." So we're good.

You furless, feckless road pizza! You couldn't find your own freakishly grotesque nuts with both hands, a GPS, and a SOLAS emergency locater beacon wedged all the way up your urethra!

You smell like a wet echidna. You have all the sex appeal of a freshly regurgitated zombie baby corpse, as partially digested by rabid dingos - and yes, even rabid dingos find you indigestible.

You mere presence mortally frightens children and the elderly. It has been said of some that they have a face that could launch a thousand ships. Yours could launch a million Superfund sites.

Watching you chew is like watching sea slugs procreate, all foamy and squishy, fluted mantle-edges writhing to-and-fro, rhinopores waving madly like some kind of alien sex act involving nothing but unfamiliar genitals and no bodies.

You have all the bridled wit of a cyclopedic semi-mongoloid. You're about as sharp as an air mattress. You're so dense you make lead look and taste like so much delicious cotton candy.

Your precious bodily fluids are impure and unclean. You have absolutely no idea what the queers are doing to the soil.

If I were to distill your countenance down to it's base essence I'm certain that what I would find in the still would would bear an uncanny resemblance to the rancid nose sebum of a politician.

You reek of failure so profound it lingers about you like a greasy polyester suit and cheap cigars. Not only is your mother frightened of you, she's also disappointed in you. Not a day goes by that she doesn't earnestly pray for a time machine and a modern prophylactic.

To call you a cur would be complimentary and kind. Simply to call you is complimentary and kind.

But worst of all, you're so lowly, marginal, and outright indiscernible you don't even merit one measly syllable of my stupendously magniloquent profanity.

Personally, I think Mudpuppie wins. If only for her Red Hat Club squirrel pic. Besides, creative cursing is always reward enough.

Also, thanks for making me laugh. I almost posted a thread the other day called "Please make me laugh". This'll do nicely.

I will not contest the mudpuppie win. Actually I gave up on my idea of entering a serious contender after the puppie entry. *weeps*

Exactly. And I didn't mean to belittle mudpuppie's fine insults by saying "if only for the Red Hat Club squirrel pic", just saying it would have been plenty on it's own.

That's actually a ferret. ;)

Err, no, I was talking about the squirrel with the straw hat with the feathers in it. The "Red Hat Club" reference doesn't actually have anything to do with the color of the hat.

Oh, okay.