The Headsman's Tale (PDF).

Sorry I don't have time to read it to you, so you'll have to read it out loud to yourself.

I wrote this poem a few years ago. Now put on your socks and hop into bed.

Smober the Sock Goblin

Smober the Sock Goblin lives under your stairs
if your home doesn’t have them still he is there.
He’s clammy and dusty and a little bit mad
not angry - but crazy - and little bit bad.

When Smober the Sock Goblin comes out to eat
he crosses the floor with slapping bare feet.
He goes to the dryer and opens it wide
then stands on his tiptoes and peers deep inside.

Then Smober the Sock Goblin begins to drool
and gets a gleam in his eye that is terribly cruel.
In he reaches and steals every left sock
and takes them all home to cook in his crock.

Smober the Sock Goblin stews them in oil
and dances a jig as he watches them boil.
When he is sure that they are quite done
He slops them out on a dryer lint bun.

He gives his sharp teeth a little black lick
He gulps down those socks quick quick quick.
That’s where the socks go - if you even care -
Smober the Sock Goblin eats half the pair!

I was trying to remember the word ephebophilia (=sexual attraction to adolescents) and came across, this, er, interesting list...

acrotomophilia: sexual attraction to amputees
coprophilia: sexual attraction to feces
dendrophilia: sexual arousal from trees
emetophilia: sexual attraction to vomit
ephebophilia: sexual attraction to adolescents
galactophilia: sexual attraction to human milk or lactating women
gerontophilia: sexual attraction to the aged
hematolagnia: sexual attraction to blood
hybristophilia: sexual arousal by people who have committed crimes, in particular cruel or outrageous crimes
klismaphilia: sexual pleasure from enemas
maiesiophilia: sexual attraction to childbirth or pregnant women
mysophilia: sexual attraction to foul or decaying material
pictophilia: inability to become sexually aroused except through the use of pictorial pornography
plushophilia: sexual attraction to stuffed toys
infantilism: sexual pleasure from dressing, acting, or being treated as a baby
scotophilia: sexual attraction to darkness
sitophilia: sexual arousal from food
xylophilia: sexual attraction to wood

Darkness? Okay - that one I don't get.

Wood? Heh heh.

I definitely got some sitophilia goin' on.

xylophilia: sexual attraction to wood

wood gives em wood, huh? I just picture these people watching Norm Abram's old yankee workshop with a box of kleenex.

acrotomophilia: sexual attraction to amputees

OK, that reminds me of a funny story.
And by funny, I mean scary for me, funny for everyone else.

Way back when, after my bad car wreck, when I was still in traction in the hospital and all that, an acquaintance of mine kept visiting me. At the time I thought it was very sweet, given that I was bored and lonely, even though we had never been close.

Come to find out, many months later, his porn stash was nothing but medical fetish stuff, amputees, and chicks in traction and casts.

Eeeeee creeeeepy!

Wow, you're right. That was funny for me!

Oh, and LT, I'd like to read you The Amazing Bone. No, really.

I once had dated/porked a girl that only had one hand. She was smoking hot other than that.

1.5hr episode of the twilight zone radio show off my site with a load of (techno'y) music spliced in if that's any help.

My next project will be something along similar lines, but you'll be well then i hope.

Get well soon.

A story.

Specklet - are you hinting that I should cook for you?

sciurus - did she have a claw? What kind?

Nice story, Krix. In my heart of hearts, the Jackal is me and the Alligator is my live-in, monosyllabic landlord.

"Scary one, scary one, dent-a-dent-a-dent!/
all you ever talk about is when you'll get the rent!"

No, no claw, just an undeveloped hand. Her mom was really old when she was born. Stuff like that happens more frequently the older the ovum is.

Darkness? Okay - that one I don't get.

That's the only one I do get.

sciurus! You really should try to get that published.

Thanks deborah. I really should start writing for children again.