MetaChat - What do your clients say that make you laugh?

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17 February 2006

What do your clients say that make you laugh? →[More:] Today, I requested some information from a client for one of their databases. Pretty standard request. The client responded, "Who are they, and why are we in their database??" Umm, because you hired us to put you in databases? What kind of response is that, sir? Oh, silly clients.

post by: ThePinkSuperhero at: 10:18 | 29 comments

I don't have clients. I have members. In fact, it is my job to service the members. My job title makes me laugh. Luckily, it's a really inappropriate title and doesn't reflect what I do. I hardly ever even speak to the members. Not that speaking would be necessary, per se, to service them. I suppose I service my supervisors, when I'm being useful at all.

posted by rainbaby 17 February | 10:26

They squeak. Then I cut off their heads.

posted by gaspode 17 February | 10:27

Haha, now said client has e-mailed back (in a reply-all, he has a large team) that he will be sending the data along. Guess he realized what we do. Hahah.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 17 February | 10:31

tell me more rainbaby...

posted by flopsy 17 February | 10:36

They say, "Is that thing loaded?"

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 17 February | 10:38

tell me more rainbaby...

I would, but then I'd have to kill ya, flops.

posted by rainbaby 17 February | 10:39

OMG, rainbaby is Sy Sperling!

posted by jrossi4r 17 February | 10:42

"Any chance you can come in Saturday morning for the quarter-end general ledger entries?"

posted by Hugh Janus 17 February | 10:45

I enjoy having my member serviced.

posted by orthogonality 17 February | 10:47

"But I have my own way of using commas!"

posted by dame 17 February | 10:51

The first rule of hair club is that there is no hair club!

posted by rainbaby 17 February | 10:52

I thought rainbaby's comment said Not that spanking would be necessary, per se, to service them. But then, I've been watching this sweet pervy little song (NSFW).

posted by matildaben 17 February | 10:54

"But I have my own way of using commas!"

That's beautiful dame. I can totally see an author making such a claim. Artists - hmmph!

My "clients" rarely make me laugh. They usually just enrage me.

posted by richat 17 February | 10:59

I have my own way of using colons.

posted by Hugh Janus 17 February | 11:14

I also have, my own way of using commas.

posted by mullacc 17 February | 11:33

I use commas to clean out my colons. Here's a picture:

;

Mmmm. That's one clean colon!

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 17 February | 11:44

"But why can't they finish the construction part in two weeks. I mean, it's only a couple of walls!"

posted by Specklet 17 February | 12:18

"Hey, is the server down?"

(Always "the server", singular, no matter what it is they're trying to do.)

posted by tangerine 17 February | 12:29

Had a funny conversation once with some friends in different fields, telling annoying work stories. At one point we realized that on some level, all the terms are interchangeable. Whatever the preferred jargon in your field, when they're your daily problem, client = patient = student = customer = account = diner = passenger = patron. Just occupational-speak for "the people I get paid to deal with."

In my field, we have "visitors" and "donors". And in history, the #1 most laughable visitor statement is "Well, you know,hey were shorter back then." Seriously, this line gets crowd belly-laughter at conferences.

posted by Miko 17 February | 12:46

I don't actually get to see mine. I just ~~drink~~ work with their blood.

posted by porpoise 17 February | 12:52

"Hey, is the server down?"

You're lucky, tangerine. I get:

"Hey, is the Internet down?"

posted by Triode 17 February | 13:15

Today is totally funny client day- a client called me with an easy problem to fix, which I fixed, and I e-mailed him and told him so. Then he said, can you forward me all the correspondence you received about us from everyone, ever? No, see, that's my job, I'm not going to forward you my job, sir. That's crazy talk!

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 17 February | 13:23

"Hey, is the Internet down?"

Good lord!

Reminds me of Homer running up to Marge and excitedly saying "Marge! Did you know they have internet for computers now?"

posted by Specklet 17 February | 13:24

I've been watching this sweet pervy little song (NSFW).

I love it!

posted by Triode 17 February | 13:25

these comments are reminding me of that scene in Undeclared (I know at least jrossi4r watched it!) where Eric states that he's going to invent an internet for people without computers, whereby they get email via regular mail. Heh.

posted by gaspode 17 February | 13:35

After I finished a demo of an online fashion shopping website the client asks me: "what do you know about programming TV?"

I said: "TV programming? Like you want to do an infomercial or something?"

Client: "No. Programming the TV itself. So that people at home can use their remote control to select clothes and then see themselves wearing it on the TV. What would that cost?"

Me: "I don't know, but I'm guessing 10's or 100's of billions."

Client: "You are SO negative!"

posted by StickyCarpet 17 February | 15:15

Eric states that he's going to invent an internet for people without computers

A true romantic and a genius.

posted by jrossi4r 17 February | 15:57

"How can you say that is not compliant? The last auditor that came said this was best practice."

To be honest, I don't laugh to their face, but we laugh about it a lot back in the office. It's that kind of job - either laugh about the clients behind their backs or slit our wrists.

posted by dg 17 February | 16:54

stickycarpet, that is truly astounding.

posted by Specklet 17 February | 19:27

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