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"But the idea of an invisible standard of tipping (which used to be 15%, but that's the problem with invisible numbers; you can't prove they've changed because they're not written down)..."
... infuriates me. It reeks of Miss Manners and false propriety. Prim and proper ("No elbows on the table." "Why?" "Because I said so." "Take off your hat indoors." "Why?" "Because I said so." "You pledge allegiance with your RIGHT hand." "Why? I'm left-handed." "Because I said so.") for the sake of being prin and proper without any reason or rationale. Most cultures don't have tipping, and I'm sorry but it's not my fault we let a particular industry in our economy erode to the point where it's exempt from minimum wage laws. If it's any consolation, I try to eat out as little as possible, because the thought of the whole thing makes me angry.