Hi [metachat],





I've found myself in a bit of an issue right now, I thought maybe I could get your input on it.



[roommate] and [roommate's gf] and I found a place together that I really liked in Delray. Mrs. T was taking care of the lease stuff for us, and we were waiting to be interviewed and approved by the housing board over there.



Now a big factor in this was that I had huge reservations about living with the two of them again, they have a borderline abusive relationship (on both sides)--they scream and fight all the time. They've gotten better about being responsible with their bills, but I still have had problems with getting money they owe me.



Anyway, long story short, there was a bit of a meltdown between them last night, which snowballed into a fight between [roommate] and I. We had friends over, who left in disgust at what had gone down.



So here's where the advice part comes in:



Today [roommate] has been calling me since I got to work, apparently the lease is ready to sign. I don't want to sign it. I don't even want to live in the same house with those two until our lease is up and the end of this month. This isn't just me being angry or upset either. I've realized that I can't live in that kind of environment any more. It's toxic.



I have enough funds (as of my next paycheck and my tax refund) to move elsewhere, and get a studio apartment (I've got money I was saving for a car that I could use towards a ticket out of here). I've wanted to get out of South Florida for a while now, I'm miserable, most of the people I care about have left already. My job is starting to get a bit nightmarish.



I guess what I'm really asking is, do you think I should just pack up and leave with only 2 weeks to spare before my current lease is up? Is that insane? [metachat], you know I really value your insights, and I would love to hear your take on the situation.



Love,



[Sasshat]

I would say leaving hinges on one thing and one thing only: if you stay two more weeks will you get money from your security deposit that you will forfeit if you leave now? Because if so, than suck it up, sleep on a friends' couch, spend time obsessively boxing up all your stuff and in two weeks take your check and split. If you're not going to get any money? Just go. You don't want to know how many leases I have walked out of (sometimes in the middle of the night, hee) and none of them have ever come back to haunt me. Especially if you're moving out of town, or better yet, state - it will completely not affect you at all.

I wouldn't move in with those two, whatever else you do. Home should be a peaceful place.

This sounds like one of those cases where writing the letter is your way of working the decision out for yourself. At least, to me, it screams that you've already decided what to do, and you're seeking validation.

Here's your validation: DO IT!!!!

I don't think it's insane.

Reading your letter, it sounds like you're basically decided, but a little fearful about taking a risk and perhaps need some encouragement. Sure, it might be stressful, but it'll be an adventure! It sure sounds better than the alternatives.

I don't think I've ever answered a "Should I go?" with anything but a "Yes."

Go.

chiming in to agree with all those above me. At the very least, you can't live with these people.

Sounds like that since you're not signing the lease on the new place with these creeps, you might have a bit of a hard time getting your portion of the deposit back (and the landlord may very well hold onto the deposit for weeks or months after you've moved out).

Take the financial hit, crash at a friends' (if possible), and move on with your life.

Good luck!

Leave! I got out of a shitty living situation in January, and my god does it make life better. Leave! Leave!

Also, it's an adventure, and adventures are fun, and you only live once, so leave! Now! Box yer shit up tonight and leave a note saying "SO LONG, JERKS!" and hop a midnight train going anywhere.

Yes, go. Take a risk. What's the worst that could happen? It doesn't work out as you hoped? Then you'll move on to something else.

But whatever else you decide to do, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THOSE TWO PEOPLE!

You guys are so awesome. I'm really torn up about this right now, and my day at work has been awful, I can't focus at all. I need to make this decision fast, I told my roommate that I would need a couple days to think about it.

In a way, you're right, I have made up my mind, and feeling validated is never a bad thing. But I also wanted to know if you guys have any anecdotal advice about picking up and just completely starting over again.

I've left every single place that didn't feel right to me, and every job and every person that/who made me feel bad.

I've never been sorry. But I also always knew that I had to accept whatever negative consequences I might have to endure in order to get myself unstuck, and I swore that I would do that without feeling sorry for myself.

I've been pretty successful with that, and while sometimes it's been painful, it's never seemed too much to pay. For me, there's nothing worse than feeling trapped.

Regarding the deposit, I have a fourth roommate who will be getting part of the deposit also who said he will make sure I get my 1/3 back. I'm going to have to wait until my lease is up, I think. But even if they find a way to screw me out of it, it's only 300 bucks.

You've made up your mind. Your instincts are good. Hold your breath and leap!

Yeah, move on, Sasshat. And about starting over - this is a good time to commit yourself to whatever you wish to do with the coming year(s) of your life. Be true to what your greatest aspirations are so that you never look back and say "what would have happened if i had tried harder at (getting my dream job, following artistic pursuits -- or whatever that thing is for you--)?"

I have left bad roommate situations before and at the time it seemed like everything was falling apart. I was subletting a place from a guy who got evicted once and I had to throw everything I owned in storage for a month or so until I found a place.

Even though at times like that it feels like your world is imploding, once you get settled again you will feel so much better in a new comfortable living situation. Good luck, and let us know how everything works out!

Is 2 weeks of your life worth 300 bucks? That would be a huge "no" for me.

I've picked up and started again twice: once in a city 1000 miles away from where I started, and the other in the same city.

It's fun to shed all the people who aren't improving your life, keep the few that matter, get a new job and become a new person.

Stuff like this happened to me all the time when I was your age. Feel the joy and freedom of picking up and taking off all on your own, and having an adventure, while you're still young. You so totally will not regret it.

There are smart people up-thread. Listen to them.

As for starting over, I did it in 1999. I quit my job in San Antonio and moved in with my brother in Seattle. I didn't have a job waiting for me. However, I also cashed in my 401k so I had a bit of cushion financial-wise.

What mgl and essexjan said. And adding to that, your sanity is well worth $300. Get out!