BBC NEWS WIRE

38 YEAR OLD BILLINGLY boffin Eddie was recently found with his pants down vandalizing a field of barley owned by a local farmer.

The obscene graffiti was -- as explained by an irrationally exhuberant Eddie -- a triumphant celebration and monument to Eddie's recently lost virginity.

Local townsfolk have been energetically discussing who could have possibly boffed the boffin.

Though no one else was found at the scene of the crime, eyewitnesses say one extra swishy sheep was seen waddling tiredly away.

Eddie says that his experiences have inspired and motivated him to finally move out of his mother's basement -- and pursue a career in animal husbandry.