His father died over the weekend, so instead of doing a monologue he just walked out and talked about his dad for half an hour. It was the most amazing TV I have ever seen. I hope my children remember me half so fondly...

I like Craig Ferguson. Even more now.

Oh man, that must have been a hard one for him. My speakers, on my pc, are dead at the moment so I couldn't hear him but I could sure see the emotion in him. Christ, it made cry just seeing that. Good on him. I love looking at him and I love listening to him, now, I love him even more.

Not having a television, I had no idea who this guy was. But now I like him.

Thanks. I've been getting into his monologues lately, but missed that one.

I quoted liberally from one particularly funny rambling narrative later in the week in my blog:

* You want to win an Oscar, grow a beard. This is called the “facial hair award”, you grow a beard that shows you’re a serious actor. Robin Williams. “Good Will Hunting”. Beard. Nomination. Robin Williams. “Patch Adams”. No beard. No nomination. Crap movie, but that’s not the point. Tom Cruise, not nominated this year. What Tom Cruise needs is a beard.

* I’m more interested in the Razzies nominations, the Golden Raspberry Awards. It’s the worst of everything, the worst movie, worst performance, worst score… I don’t know who puts it together. I think it’s a bunch of bitter, failed bloggers or something. You’ve got to be doing something to fail at being a blogger, by the way. It’s not like college entry requirements; I think all you need is a finger. (Acts out typing with one finger) I… hate.. the… Scottish… guy… He… sucks…

* “Dukes of Hazzard”… was an underrated film. Now I haven’t seen it, but that won’t stop me reviewing it. You think Roger Ebert sees all these movies? He hasn’t seen all these movies. “The Godfather”. He hasn’t seen “The Godfather”. And you know how I know that? I made it up. I’m kind of like Fox News, I make it up and just say it on TV.

* Americans, do they want to see “Capote”, about an effete writer, or do they want to see Jessica Simpson in tiny tight shorts? Come on! Women want to see Jessica Simpson in little shorty shorts too, so they can complain about her. “Oh, she’s letting it go!” Everybody wants to see Jessica Simpson in tiny shorts, including her father.

* If people want to see it, don’t dis it. By the way, Scotsmen can use the word ‘dis’. I checked with the INS, it’s alright. I’m a resident of L.A. and I can say ‘dis’. I’m not allowed to say ‘You go girl’ until I get the full passport, but I can say ‘dis’. If I ever say ‘fer shizzle’, I have to get back on the boat. And I will deserve it.

* I auditioned for a part in “Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo”, and I didn’t get it. I auditioned for the part of the… uh, actually I don’t know what I auditioned for ’cause I didn’t read the script. I couldn’t bring myself to read the script. I couldn’t read the script, it was written in crayon!

* I didn’t see “Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo” because I didn’t see the first one, so I never would’ve been able to follow the plot. I would never have picked up on it. It’s like starting “War and Peace” in the middle… I’d be missing all the War and just going to the Peace. Do you know what I just did there? I just compared “Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo” to the great writer Leo Tolstoy! I just did that! That’s… that’s wrong! Somewhere in a graveyard in Russia, Tolstoy is spinnin’ in his grave saying “Damn you Ferguson!”

* Those penguins in “March of the Penguins” arne’t really penguins. They’re not, they’re actors, I recognized some of them from British theatre. (Waddles like a penguin) “Yes, I worked with Olivier, you know. Where’s my trailer? Isn’t George Clooney good with that beard? I’d love to see him with a beak.”

* I have to tell you, I feel slightly dissed by the Razzies, ’cause I’ve been in plenty of crap movies and I’ve never even been nominated. I played a gay British vampire in a movie! How much do you have to suck to get one of these Razzies? You know what? I need a beard.

And the following night, he made a joke about a ficticious website called Busty Scottish Midwives.com. 'Nuff said.

Christ, I almost peed my pants!