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01 February 2006

Girls are full of surprises. →[More:]I just went out for a smoke with TrishaLynn and another co-worker. They jawboned about the guys in the office, mainly my supervisor, who they refer to as 'Clooney,' and rhapsodized about how he gets them all agitated. I mainly stood there and gathered intelligence. You gals are worse than us guys. Who knew?
post by: jonmc at: 11:22 | 49 comments
AAAAAAARRRGH! He's bringing info back to "the enemy"! Stone him!
posted by TrishaLynn 01 February | 11:24
(also, I just got up and tripped over my headphone cord, fell flat on my face and bruised my knee. what a fitting way for me to maim myself.)
posted by jonmc 01 February | 11:24
It is just what you deserve!
posted by TrishaLynn 01 February | 11:26
(I also broke the headphones. But I borrowed a pair from an absent cubie. Keep on truckin', baby.)
posted by jonmc 01 February | 11:31
Wait, you're smoking at work now too, Trisha?
posted by danostuporstar 01 February | 11:47
Dano: Ummmmmmm..........
posted by TrishaLynn 01 February | 11:48
I just found out that my 'absent' cubie is coming in at 1pm. I'm gonna be stuck listening to the low rumble of office mumbles all afternoon.

*cries*
posted by jonmc 01 February | 12:08
OK jon -- I considered posting this link when you expressed surprise that girls enjoy (and enjoy talking about) getting laid. It may make your hair curl. It's the BUST magazine forums, the "lounge", where girls can just be girls and tell it like they see it. You especially want to take a look at the "Let's Talk About Sex" forum. Remember that 95% of the content is by girls. (The other 5% is either by Sensitive New Age Guys, pervs, or trolls). Stand well back. Don't say I didn't warn you.

This site can be silly and over-the-top, and I don't post but occasionally learn a thing or two. I offer it in the spirit of building bridges between the genders.

posted by Miko 01 February | 12:15
I don't doubt that chicks talk about sex and guys a lot, but I think the crucial difference is this: 100% of all women, regardless of attractiveness, are drooled over and jawboned about by men, whereas maybe 10% of men ping most womens sexual radar enough to inspire conversation. The rest of us are worker drones and comedy relief.

This of course applies to the het world. I imagine gayfolk are a whole other kettle of fish.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 12:20
I'd just like to weigh in and say that the thought of a free spirit like jonmc being stuck in a cube makes me very sad. But then, I'm in a sad frame of mind today.

But then, the thought of me having to come into an office everyday makes me sad as well. Now, where's that medicinal scotch I keep in my desk?
posted by fenriq 01 February | 12:26
I should clarify: This dosen't mean that the other 90% of straight men can't get laid or otherwise find female companionship. We just lack the ability to inspire obsessive passion, so we resort to being extremely, entertaining, or generous or whatever, which gives us "a for effort" status. But we'll never have the silence-a-room black hole of human attention star quality of some people.My oft-mentioned buddy Rob The Cop(on the right) had it. I've seen 8-year-old girls, old women and gay men all go silent and then begin striving for his attention. There's more to his appeal than looks, I know, but I spent a long time playing Ralph Malph to his Fonzie, so I do realize there is a difference in how certain people are reacted to viscerally, and that's just the way it goes.

I'd just like to weigh in and say that the thought of a free spirit like jonmc being stuck in a cube

well, it's an open 5 person cube with a big window where I can see to New Jersey (literally), and i managed to beg a pair of phones off another Cubie simply by looking pathetic. The fact that he saw my pratfall didn't hurt, I guess.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 12:36
eh, I have a couple really attractive female friends and I feel the same way around them. Male attention goes to them first, predictably. Sometimes I'm astounded at how clumsily blatant guys can act when someone's physically striking that way.

But the truth is, there's a lot more to being attractive than looks. A for effort is pretty damn huge. George Clooney is fine, but he's not in my bed. I save most of my drooling for the guys who are, and who at least act like they're enjoying it.
posted by Miko 01 February | 12:40
Fenriq: Yes, I too feel my innate beauty and boundless creative spirit is needlessly squelched by the requirement that I show up to work at this pesky job every day. If only I could have a patron.
posted by Miko 01 February | 12:41
I think you're wrong, jonmc, with your 10%/100% out of the air numbers. Different strokes for different folks and all that. All people have types they go for, hu? And "gals"? You sound like a Girl Scout Leader. Oh, and you'll notice it more as the people you hang out with get older: the women tend to get more free and aggressive and the men tend to tire out. Anyway, no need to be so shocked, or to play coy if that's what you're doing. That's the way it is.
posted by rainbaby 01 February | 12:42
the women tend to get more free and aggressive and the men tend to tire out

hee hee hee....

Anyway, miko and rainbaby are right. What trips our hormones is maybe 10% about looks, and 90% about personality and other intangibles.
posted by matildaben 01 February | 12:47
yeah yeah and just to sound like a complete fucking nora ephron stereotype or whatever, it's how someone smells and the way they fiddle with the buttons on their shirt or their posture. wacky shit like that.

Or you know, the outline of their cock seen thru their jeans.

For me anyways.
posted by gaspode 01 February | 12:57
(all of the above for me, and also I find "cock" the most satisfying penis euphemism. Thank you.)
posted by gaspode 01 February | 12:58
And "gals"? You sound like a Girl Scout Leader.

I know. I just love goofy archaic slang, ya big palooka.

it's how someone smells and the way they fiddle with the buttons on their shirt or their posture. wacky shit like that.

I smell like beer, cigarrette smoke, and salami. and I never button my shirt. and I have bad posture. and my pants never fit me, so the cock outline is out, too.

*cries*

What trips our hormones is maybe 10% about looks, and 90% about personality and other intangibles.

Well, we can say that, but the way my buddy and the aforementioned "clooney" that my friends were getting giddy about get reacted to and the way guys like me get reacted to is different and that's just a plain old fact. and guys do it all the time, too. I just wish women would cop to (often) being as superficial as men.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 13:07
But people don't necessarily talk about the same people they think about.

If you want to work up a little easy group camaraderie, you'll probably mention one of the Clooneys, because their assets are obvious. They have a little something for everyone. It doesn't take much particularity or depth to spot their appeal.

It's a less good strategy to talk about someone who really flips your own switch a la highly personal Nora Ephron stereotype, because how likely is it that anyone else feels the same way?
posted by tangerine 01 February | 13:18
Girls are full of butterflys, bubblegum, guts and black stuff.
posted by Divine_Wino 01 February | 13:20
tangerine: I'm not out to attract anybody (although, when it happens, it's a thrill), I'm taken. I'm just doin' some barstool philosophizin'.

Girls are full of butterflys, bubblegum, guts and black stuff.

and kerosene. so we must save them in the event of nuclear war.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 13:25
Okay, yeah, gentlemen on teevee or in the movies, yes, we are superficial. Then, oh, look, a Clooney in real life, ok, superficial to start with, but perhaps less likely to continue the gushing and stalking and all once it becomes quickly obvious that the Clooney is batshitinsane. Guys maybe have a bigger blind spot for the beautiful women with the batshits. Maybe?
posted by rainbaby 01 February | 13:47
100% of all women, regardless of attractiveness, are drooled over and jawboned about by men

Absolutely not true, imho. I am one of those women who is totally invisible to/ignored by the opposite sex.
posted by essexjan 01 February | 13:48
(also, my pratfall did something strange to the headphone jack on the PC. I only get good sound if the plug is only 3/4 of the way in. I have such interesting mishaps. Well, it beats wrapping the wire around my ear like I used to.)

I am one of those women who is totally invisible to/ignored by the opposite sex.

They may not be saying anything, but you are being checked out and evaluated, trust me. We can't help ourselves.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 13:49
Guys maybe have a bigger blind spot for the beautiful women with the batshits. Maybe?

This is true. Mainly because I think we're kind of masochistic.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 13:51
I'm also representing for the term "gals," which I use and enjoy.

I especially enjoy it because my grandmother used to say it, and it drove my mom crazy. It's distinctly non-boomer. It's my way of identifying with the cheeky women of the 40s. I have no problem with "fellas" either.
posted by Miko 01 February | 14:01
Count me in as a fan of "gals" as well. And "fellas". And, of course, "blokes".
posted by gaspode 01 February | 14:09
How do we feel about "chums?"

I like the buddy-buddy sound of it, but it's another thing entirely to be compared to sea plankton.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 14:12
Chum doesn't mean sea plankton, it means shredded trash fish and rancid blood used to attact other fish.

I am all for it chum, quipped the portly youth.

posted by Divine_Wino 01 February | 14:14
What-ho old chums!
posted by gaspode 01 February | 14:15
Chum doesn't mean sea plankton

What am I, Jacques Cousteau?

How about "sends," as in "Oooh, he sends me [insert heavenward eyeroll]"

Just want to make sure all you rubes are on the trolley here.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 14:17
I dunno, "chum" makes me think of Adam West.
posted by kosher_jenny 01 February | 14:20
I would like to go on record as being against "chaps."

(as a term for a friend. as pants, they're great)

I prefer "mac" of "bub."
posted by jonmc 01 February | 14:23
3/4 of the way in? Sounds like you whanged a flange. Are you only getting mono, now?

As for 10%/100% my feel for it is more like 20%/80%.

Or maybe guys don't pick up on the subtler female signals?
posted by porpoise 01 February | 14:23
Call me a "gal" and it immediately makes my ass feel big.

I'm going to start a support group for BWWB (beautiful women with the batshits). I now realise that I am a charter member.
posted by rainbaby 01 February | 14:24
Chum.
posted by porpoise 01 February | 14:24
Sounds like you whanged a flange.

Let's leave my private life outta this, huh bub?

I'm getting in it in both phones but it's muffled. The borrowed phones I was using before had perfect sound, though. Weird.

Or maybe guys don't pick up on the subtler female signals?

God, yes, this is true. A woman practically has to write naked in front of me, before I'll say "Y'know, I think she likes me..."

Call me a "gal" and it immediately makes my ass feel big.

you say that like it's a bad thing.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 14:26
writhe naked. although writing naked in front of me would send a clear signal too. Although it would depend on what she was writing. 'Can't Touch This!" for instance would change the whole meaning.

This stuff is complex, mac.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 14:31
What if she wrote "naked"?
posted by occhiblu 01 February | 14:41
I'd assume she was some kind of artist. Especially if she had a cantaloupe balanced on her head.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 14:43
Ahh yes, the cantoloupe balanced on the head. The unchanging sign for artists everywhere.
posted by occhiblu 01 February | 15:00
I'm getting in it in both phones but it's muffled. The borrowed phones I was using before had perfect sound, though. Weird.

I meant - are you getting the same sounds in both 'phones are are you getting stereophonic sound, Chief?

writhe naked.

Boob pressed against my arm, for me. Well, most of the time; "Is that accidental contact or are you saying that I can touch you back..."
posted by porpoise 01 February | 15:07
porpoise, the new york city subways at rush hour would have you all befuddled. Although, once when I was shelving books, a co-worker gave me the boob-o-gram from behind. I spent the next 20 minutes looking like a walking hat rack.

She's a born-again Christian now.

I meant - are you getting the same sounds in both 'phones are are you getting stereophonic sound, Chief?

the former. but the better phones had true stereophonic.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 15:12
You mean THIS Adam Ward, chums?
posted by warbaby 01 February | 15:56
Adam Ward? So Batman & Robin finally tied the knot, huh? Bout time.
posted by jonmc 01 February | 16:00
gaspode: "Bloke" means something very different to me because I have Australian friends. A bloke is the American equivalent of a "guy" but with more beer drinking, I believe. And less sensitivity. At least that's how it was described to me by a single former-Melbournite now living in Toronto.

And I totally make use of the boob-o-gram. It's almost fool-proof.
posted by TrishaLynn 01 February | 16:00
A bloke is the American equivalent of a "guy" but with more beer drinking, I believe.

then it would be the equivalent of "Dude," "cat," or "boy."(the latter used strictly in the plural, as in "I'm out drinking with the boys, dear."
posted by jonmc 01 February | 16:04
I''ve been very excited to hear "cat" coming back. That's a great word.
posted by Miko 01 February | 16:15
I am one of those women who is totally invisible to/ignored by the opposite sex.
Then you are either:
a) truly, actually invisible; or
b) not really a woman.

Just because you don't notice, doesn't mean you aren't being fully documented.

A bloke is the American equivalent of a "guy" but with more beer drinking, I believe.
Pretty close, but perhaps slightly less general. To be a bloke, you need to be a "real man" - SNAGS need not apply. SNAGS can still be guys, though.
posted by dg 01 February | 23:15
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