I hope you end up looking like an idiot, too. No jive or slight intended, seriously.

Eth? You're missed. Be well.

I wouldn't worry too much - Ethylene is taking a break for a while.

I certainly hope that's the case. Based on some posts she made a couple of weeks ago, I'm wondering, as are others.

Hm. Well, eth has taken time off before, but I don't know. I've emailed her, but I don't have any other contacts for her.

I too was wondering when eth might return.

iirc she was going to fix or upgrade her box, perhaps unplug for awhile, and then, like, do whatever it is that she does. like taz said, she comes and goes. i wouldn't be too worried, but then again ianad

i am not a .... ??

i'm with you, code.

after a series of bizarre and erratic posts/comments.

from eth? really?

I am not a detective?

I would not take the bizzarre-ness or erracticness
of eths postings as indications of trouble. We can throw an Eth summoning raindance and just wild out in a thread until she shows up. It's worked before.

It's worked before

Indeed. MeChaMagik.

after a series of bizarre and erratic posts/comments.

from eth? really?
posted by jonmc 31 January | 09:48

I mean more than usual.

smartass.

Okay, I will let it go. I likely just misread the tone of her blog (I didn't leave that final comment, btw) or something. You all would know better than I so thanks for responding!

happy to look like an idiot;>

Yeah well, I don't know if you are misreading that or not, it's a big mish-mash. I hope she is doing ok and knows she can reach out for a little friendship.

Wow.

I hope she is doing ok and knows she can reach out for a little friendship.

Ditto

I miss eth too, and I do sincerely hope and believe that she's just taking some time off. Ethylene was one of the first people I "met" here at Metachat, and she has a kind soul.

My take on the history of this was that her usually harmless loopiness was expanding and taking over threads and the wiki, sometimes with an undertone of hostility and/or put-upon-ness, and after being asked constructively several times to not hijack other threads, she was given a timeout by the admins. The timeout period has long passed, and she has not chosen to come back at this point.

Ding ding ding ding! We have a winner!

I hope she is doing ok and knows she can reach out for a little friendship.
Ditto.

Look, y'all can tiptoe, but I'm not really into that. Here's my take.

I think there are lots of people to be concerned about here. Many of us are up-front when we get into shitty situations. We're honest about our personal mires -- and lots of us have them. The community, as a whole, is very generous and very supportive. Isn't that why most of us come here?

So, codeofconduct, and the rest of you concerned folk, you rock. Seriously. In being concerned about online strangers, it’s possible that you have saved lives. Your reaching out to eth – another beautiful example.


However...

I need to speak up… in this case, at least.

From the beginning, Metachat has been a place that has tried to stem disruptive behavior. It's been a place that was basically born out of a distaste for disruptive behavior. (Or, in any case, born out of the desire to be able to escape it.)

I think Metachat has been perfectly and characteristically forgiving of people who have intruded upon that perhaps-unspoken goal.

I think this place has been pretty forgiving towards people who step over the line.

If anything, I think people here have bent over backwards to help rehabilitate the problem children. Not "problem" in the societal sense, but in the way that keeps certain people designated as the family member that you feel the need to hide in the basement during holiday dinners. You know?

Look, it takes a fucking village.

Being a member of the community and having unique personality is one thing. Being someone who takes away from --- or distracts --- the community is another. And being told repeatedly that you're doing just that -- taking away from the community -- and getting defensive instead of, perhaps, examining how you can better contribute, is another thing entirely.

Think about it in terms of a credit score (which, by the way, I suck at). You contribute, you withdraw. You contribute, you withdraw.

In the end, you need to give more than you take away.

We all have our strengths here. Our contributions.

And let's face it. We all, at some point, take away.

The trick is getting to the point where we have a positive effect, and not a negative one.

To get back to the point:

I think Eth has a lot to offer, but there have been times when she's taken more than she's given. When that's been pointed out to her, even in very gentle ways, she’s grown unnecessarily defensive. And then she takes energy away from the community, because she has a personality strong enough to actually do that.

It becomes a big ol' suck.

[And hey, I initially wrote this as a first-person address to Eth, but that felt unfair. Anyway.]

I think this is all true for a lot of us. All of us, in fact.

The trick is in finding the balance.

We should all try to avoid becoming a big ol' suck.

And if any of us are ever tempted to be just that, we should call on the incredible, voluminous help that's been offered here by astute and caring people. We should reach out to these online amateurs, or to trusted professionals.

Because Metachat, in all its glory, is much too big for one person to taint.

We all need to remember that, and to try to keep our own personal taints away from the bunny.

And when Eth can come back as a truly dedicated member of the community, I'm sure we'll all welcome her.

Am I a shit, though, to point out that Eth's contributions have sometimes been more of a distraction than an attraction? Would she (you, Eth?) really, honestly, take that as a blow to the ego?

All the work that went into this place -- this place that we all adore, this community that we’ve all worked to build, this culture that we’ve all worked to construct – should rise above the threat of a few hurt feelings.

My two cents: We should always, always welcome wayward members of the community back into the fold.

But, that doesn’t mean sanctioning the behavior that made the “wayward” in the first place.

We should all, all of us, be good to each other.

Fucking A, mudpuppie! Well said.

I really hope that some of you have a chance to take a look at her blog, however. She was definitely shot down at Mofi on her last two posts--they were goddawful. Several people tried to reach out, but it was.......weird, as I said upthread, weirder than usual.

Her blog seemed to be much darker and.....I don't know. She has posted NOTHING across the board, anywhere, since January 13th. I hope that someone can reach her just so I can have peace of mind. Someone tell me I'm putting way too much into this!

they were goddawful.

Meaning her posts and comments......

Y'know, it occurred to me that those blog entries might just be her posting one side of an argument conducted via instant messenger. I don't know why she would do that, but that's one possibility, anyway.

At any rate, I do hope that eth is well, and that she will surface soon.

bmarkey, that's how I read that, too. Actually, that's the only way I could read it and have it sound even remotely sane. But even if it is one side of an argument, that argument doesn't sound too good. Hm?

Sockpuppet?

Yes?

BTW - you really should capitalize that first "p". That is, if things are to remain kosher.

Excellent commentary from middleclasstool's blog concerning this particular situation.