Backstory, please...

Tell Mistress to be more careful next time.

Oh man, I had a cyst on my left testicle a few years ago and that was the worst pain I've ever experienced. I extend the deepest of sympathies.

"I had a cyst on my left testicle"

fuck. i give up. you win. that's the worst thing i've ever heard and my nuts already hurt.
it's this damn nausea that won't go away, that's the worst part.



i'm going to go get ice. please do continue discussing my junk to your hearts' content.

c:\nutsack_status\sam.xls has been updated. thanks!

Ginger beer (not ale) is good for nausea. Particularly with lots of gin.

That area is loaded with ganglia that'll jangle ya.

We really need to know what happened, sam.

Anyway, take something for nausea - Gravol or something else intended for motion sickness. Also, a bag of frozen veggies (peas, corn off the cob, etc.) would probably work better than ice cubes.

Bruised Testicle
Ingredients:

* 1/2 oz Vodka
* 1/2 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur
* 1/2 oz Peachtree schnapps
* 1/2 oz Cranberry juice
* 1 frozen grape

Mixing instructions:

Pour all ingredients but the grape in a mixing tin over ice, stir, and strain into shot glass. Add grape.

Give my best to the boys Sam, glad you're all ok.

Wow. I hate hearing phrases like "bruised testicle" and "Cyst on left testicle".

How about "blunt testicular trauma"?

I was balancing on top of a fence when I was about 9 or so... yeah, you know how this one ends.

Getting the flu in your balls isn't much fun either, I can inform you.

Seriously, I had this goddawful flu this winter that ranged all over my body: throat, bronchial, nasal, eustachions, got gut trouble, and got healthy... for a day. Then the fucker roared into my testicular plumbing and damn near killed me. Goddamn, but it hurts.

Take some painkillers, quoth the doctor, 'cause there ain't no antibiotics for the flu. Urrrgh.

Damn, this thread just geta worse and worse. Keep a stiff upper lip, fellas.

goatdog says:

How about "blunt testicular trauma"?

I'd like to see the testicle that wasn't blunt - the idea of sharp ones sounds painful. Wow, the words "sharp" and "testicle" really don't belong in the same sentence, even.

Isn't there someone on the committee to handle this? The Undersecretary of TeaBagitude? (Or would that be the Fromundasecretary?)

Hope your brotherly orbs are feeling better soon, sam.

Sharp testicular traume >> blunt testicular trauma, fersure.

Ouch. Just ouch.

Mayhaps you need knowledge from the SCROTAL SAFETY COMMISSION!

Ouch, handle with care, man. Respect the package.

Enlist one of your friends as a "Crotch-Buddy". Have him concern himself with the safety of your scrotum. Remind him publicly that he is your "Crotch-Buddy". Remind him in front of girls.

This is the greatest idea ever!

Wayne, "Buck" Shelford, captain of the NZ All Blacks rugby team.

Salient paragraph:

Shelford next played for the All Blacks against France, though he had been selected to play Australia but withdrew due to injury. It was during only his second test for the All Blacks that he suffered a ripped scrotum after being rucked by a French player, which left one testicle hanging free. He also lost four teeth during the ruck. After discovering the injury to his scrotum, he calmly asked the physio to stitch up the tear and returned to the field and played out the rest of the game, which the All Blacks lost. [2] [3]

When I was a lawyer in a previous life I had a client who was suing a local hospital for malpractice.

Some years before, he'd had a twisted testicle, and as a result of it not being treated properly at the time, it kind of withered away and died. Nobody realised what the problem was until it was too late. That happened somewhere abroad and wasn't the subject of the malpractice.

So he was left with only one working goolie.

Anyway, fast forward a few years, and he gets the same problem in his other testicle. He goes to the local NHS hospital, in some discomfort, fills out the form and tells the triage nurse that he knows what the problem is, it happened with his other testicle a few years ago, that it was twisted and provided it was sorted quickly, it would be ok.

He was told, basically, to sit down, shut up and let people who were really urgent cases be treated first. The waiting time to be seen for non-urgent cases at that particular hospital is around 7-8 hours.

By the time he was eventually seen, after begging, pleading (and being threatened with ejection from hospital premises) his testicle was dead.

Needless to say, the hospital ended up paying megabucks.

I had a hydrocele. Most unpleasant.

Most unpleasanter - the time my cat thought it would be fun to tear open my scrotum. You know...-open-

When the tears stopped, the laughter began.

Sharp testicular trauma:
Once upon a time, when the mister was still a kid, he and a bunch of friends went fishing on Lake Nippising. One of his casts went awry and the hook caught him in the nads. Unlucky for him he didn't faint until the doctor removed the barbs from his testicles.