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24 January 2006

chatfilter... Meh. I liked the question, and it was deleted before I could respond. Here's my answer.
[More:]
The easiest commodity to turn it into might just be cocaine. That presents it's own problems, of course.

If it were me, I would rent -- with my own money a low key storage facility, like a warehouse, or some backwoods land with a shipping container on it. You don't do this under your own name. Then just leave it there while things cool off.

Then, I think the next thing I would do would be to start a 'we sell your stuff on ebay' type store. Every week I'd drive to some big city I don't live in a couple hours away and go on a shopping spree -- and a bunch of expensive electronics on Ebay and sell 'em.

Ohh, or even better a hosting company. How are they going to track the sales and whatnot of an internet hosting company? You start small, just an office with a few server racks, a $10/$20k investment. I think you might be able to convert $20k of the cash without getting caught. It's a much better Idea then shoving it down your pants and heading through a border crossing to Mexico.

The thing about the hosting company, once you start laundering money, you can actually invest in the project, and hopefully it will be profitable, and you just 'inject' as much as you want whenever you feel like.
I'd move abroad, and maybe get a fake name and id or something, if it was stolen money, and definitely swiss bank accounts and some others on those islands.
posted by amberglow 24 January | 21:33
$17 mil? That's such a buttload of money. I think I'd buy lots of coastal real estate as my main investment, set my family up, start a nonprofit, buy a 1950 Martin D-18 and some frivolous, fully restored vehicle like a woodie wagon, and donate giant chunks to my former summer camp, the United NEgro College Fund, People for the American Way, etc. I might even grubstake friends in their entreprenerial projects.
posted by Miko 24 January | 22:01
I would buy MetaFilter.
posted by dg 24 January | 22:52
$17 million is an enormous amount of money. It would take up a pretty ridiculous amount of room.

According these guys, 1 million bucks in hundreds weighs 20 pounds and takes up about as much room as a 15 tv. So, 17 million would be 340 pounds of money and one big ass tv, really big.

I'm not greedy, I'd take five and disappear into thin air. Probably a hundred thousand acre game park in southern Africa somewhere. I'd send a postcard.
posted by fenriq 25 January | 00:17
It's an interesting question... I've always wondered how people do this without detection and without using outside money launderers.

Obviously, I would educamate myself about all aspects of the question... and probably do something smarter than what I'm about to say, but I would think about becoming an art dealer, travelling all around Europe with an EU passport over a period of years, and depositing money in various countries as I go along, in amounts always under the limit of required currency transaction reports for that banks in that country, and buying art in each country I visit - again for sums unlikely to attract any attention, later "selling" this art for much greater sums (though still nothing terribly notable).

Little by little, I would transfer sums from various banks into a Swiss account. To all outside appearances, I should appear simply a fairly canny contemporary art dealer, and since I'm not the sort of person who would want to live a flashy, ultraconsumer lifestyle anyway, I think I could probably do this without seeming very remarkable to any authorities... Plus, travel! Art! Whee! Fun!

(Also, since I wouldn't need/want anywhere near that much money, I would probably spend a significant part of it on anonymous donations for good works.)
posted by taz 25 January | 02:09
How about reporting it as gambling earnings and give the gubmint whatever huge chunk they would want? The rest I'd split between real estate investment in revitalizing downtown areas and a few select plots of land w/ an off the grid house. And I'd build myself a nice studio with a gallery up front that had a bar and room for dancing on Fridays.
posted by chewatadistance 25 January | 08:55
I'd spend it all on an even bigger anus.
posted by Hugh Janus 25 January | 10:07
I wouldn't call a radio station to brag.
posted by sisterhavana 25 January | 11:44
Let's try that again, shall we? || Make Your Cat a Fruit Helmet

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