(Note that I'm saddened by the stories of people having a difficult time finding happiness, not by the fact that they're kinky.)

This is why I won't attempt monogamous long term relationships with non-kinky people.

Note that since society is still so down on the fact that it is possible to have healthy, consensual expression of the continuum of kink, people can live their whole lives trying to "cure" themselves of it or hoping it will go away, and they end up in miserable situations like that one.

I found paulsc's response very moving, brave, too, for him to write so openly of his own experiences.

I didn't find it that sad -- just acute examples of the human condition, and uplifting due to the openness of the responses.

It's a measure of the circles I move in that I kept thinking as I read the question, "What's so 'deviant'? It's just BDSM". On the other hand, I've not tried any BDSM stuff myself, mostly probably 'cause my sex partners have been pretty vanilla. My last SO was very sexual and open-minded, but she relied on me to initiate sex and to suggest any kind of sex play. There's nothing that I already know that I want to do, so I don't really have anything to suggest in terms of BDSM or roleplaying or whatever. I don't feel a particular affinity for topping or bottoming, but with experience I probably would figure out what I prefer.

I have SNAG issues relating to being dominant and aggressive that I still haven't worked out. I've never been that satisfied with my sex life, really. And my disability now is a big problem because my hips are in very, very bad shape so almost anything is too painful for me and makes it not fun. I sometimes wonder if there's something and/or someone that would really "click" and I'd realize that it was the thing I was looking for. I'm not gay or bisexual—gay sex was mostly "meh" for me, I've tried it a few times.

I had a fuckbuddy a few years ago—she'd get horny and show up at my door and, um, take control of things. That was pretty nice in retrospect, it simplified matters considerably, though I felt a little taken advantage of at the time.

Sex to me is an important part of living, part of what we naturally are. But, for me, it's not a central portion of my self-identity as I've come to discover it is for many people. For those people, a satisfying sex life is absolutely necessary for their happiness and this askme questioner is an example, I think. She won't stay with her husband much longer if she doesn't have her needs met.

Excuse my ignorance...SNAG stands for?

sensitive new age guy?

Yeah. Sorry, the use of more obscure acronyms can be annoying.