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11 January 2006
Conan lines from page, screen, frame, or your imagination.→[More:]
In general, this is a thread for proclamations of doom for your enemies.
Conan is grappling with Baal-Pteor, a giant guarding an evil sorceror. Their hands are at each other's throats in a death clutch.
Conan's low laugh was merciless as the ring of steel.
"You fool!" he all but whispered. "I think you never saw a man from the West before. Did you deem yourself strong, because you were able to twist the heads off civilized folk, poor weaklings with muscles like rotten string? Hell! Break the neck of a wild Cimmerian bull before you call yourself strong. I did that, before I was a full-grown man -- like this!"
And with a savage wrench he twisted Baal Pteor's head around until the ghostly face leered over the left shoulder, and the vertebrae snapped like a rotten branch.
My fave from that movie is the scene with little Conan and his Daddy:
KULL. Conan, in this life there are only two things you can trust: Steel, and Crom. L'IL CONAN. But father, what if Crom deserts me? KULL. Then STEEL IS YOUR ONLY GOD!
Oh my God. None of you are Robert E Howard purists, are you? You've all grown up on the Schwarzennegger suckfest ratshit damn movies.
The writer of the original Conan stories was BRILLIANT. One of the best pulp writers of the '20s and '30s, a friend and pen-pal of HP Lovecraft, and a man who wrote in every genre imaginable.
Go read Red Nails or Jewels of Gwahlur or Beyond the Black River and you'll be thrilled and enlightened. Howard is THE MAN.
The one thing that the movie didn't really capture was Conan's cunning... Arnold just comes off as a dope no matter how hard he tries.
I do love his speech near the end, though.
"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, and why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood against many. Valor pleases you, so grant me this one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, the HELL with you!"
Or something like that. I think IMDB has it wrong.
IMDB prolly has it from the script. I think they had to change a lotta lines because the Austrian couldn't handle the diction.
I hear they're making a movie of "Red Nails," which is an amazing story. Hopefully the governor won't be cast. Though I fear they'll cast the Rock instead, in an attempt to match thew for thew.
The Rock will make a great Conan. I love him as Riddick; it's like watching a piece of furniture act, so amazing that he can lumber through the room at all, let alone emote wildly.
Crom! I just looked again and it's a damned animation. With Ron Perlman as the voice of the Cimmerian, but still... animation? Please, these are adult stories. Hell!
"According to the Washington Post, Vice President Dick Cheney is limping today because he injured his foot. Cheney said, 'If you think my foot looks bad, you should see the old lady I was kicking.'"
---Conan O'Brien
There you are, Divine_Wino, bro, under what rock have you been hiding? My sore throat is receding, and coincidentally getting thirsty. I swear in a couple o' days I'll be ready to quaff the sweet ambrosia they call "beer." Mitra's scales! Let no man hold me from my libation!
And on preview, I've been waiting all day for that, dano.
Shane: You'll be pleased to know that I've put Red Nails on hold at my local library. They didn't have the other ones, but I will be trying at least one Robert Howard book!
Hey shane, I recommend reading the first comment in this post before you go off like that. That's my favorite Howard Conan line. What's yours?
posted by Hugh Janus 11 January | 11:22
And the first movie captured Howard's world pretty fucking well -- Schwa-chan sports iron thews unmatched by other s-and-s heroes.
posted by Hugh Janus 11 January | 11:24
Did you see The Whole Wide World?
posted by Hugh Janus 11 January | 11:28
YesNoYes!!
Cool, Hugh. I thought this would devolve into a Conan-mockery-fest.
Shane: You'll be pleased to know that I've put Red Nails on hold at my local library. They didn't have the other ones, but I will be trying at least one Robert Howard book!
posted by agropyron 11 January | 18:11
Red Nails is a short-story, so you'll get others with it! I hope you love it! Make sure you don't get anything actually written or finished by L Sprague de Camp, or pastiches by any other hacks.
Yeh, Conan spoke several languages from his travels, nearly always triumphed because of his wits AND his brawn, was the essential noble savage (often played against the background of the barbarity of "civilisation"), could lie in wait with the patience of the wild like a panther at the side of the trail cat-napping whilst awaiting the approach of his enemies... Cool stuff. Not exactly expressed by Ah-nold or Milius.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
