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09 January 2006

Everything MetaGirl! →[More:]Okay, I'm totally sick from Comcast's nauseating line of Everything Lindsay, Scarlett, Hillary, etc.

I propose the Mecha equivalent of same for the intellectual hotties we all know and love. So, here's to Everything Mudpuppie, Frisbee, Matildaben, Mrs. Pants, Dame, etc.

Knock yourselves out, ladies!
post by: Lipstick Thespian at: 14:34 | 77 comments
Woo woo!

So what do we do now?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 09 January | 14:34
I think I know:


Go Team Vag!


posted by SassHat 09 January | 14:38
So are we like talking bkini calendar here, or what? Coz, like, that'd be cool. and hot.
posted by jonmc 09 January | 14:38
So what do we do now?

We get anorexic, shop at Kitson, order food without eating it at The Ivy, create photo ops at Starbucks, make out with each other, and take turns dating Jake Gyllenhaal, silly.

And then we put out albums.
posted by iconomy 09 January | 14:40
Ooo I almost forgot - we have lots of nip slips. It's good PR.
posted by iconomy 09 January | 14:41
I create photo ops on a daily basis, and I'm all for making out. I'm hungry, though, so I'm going to skip the not-eating part.
posted by mudpuppie 09 January | 14:42
Well, I'm down for the dating Jake Gyllenhaal bit. Rowr! And I'll take pup's turn with him too, if y'all don't mind.

And you forgot about our check in to rehab for "stress and exhaustion", iconomy.
posted by gaspode 09 January | 14:42
Wait... does this mean I have to shave my legs?
posted by mudpuppie 09 January | 14:42
Thank goodness iconomy knows what to do.
posted by agropyron 09 January | 14:43
I'm hungry, though, so I'm going to skip the not-eating part.

That's what the cocaine is for. Sheeesh.
posted by iconomy 09 January | 14:43
Can I be a papparazzi, or merely the bodyguard who sells your secrets to the tabloids?
posted by jonmc 09 January | 14:46
Can I be Satan, or Jesus, or the guy down the street with the cock rock blasting and the crazy lights at night?
posted by Hugh Janus 09 January | 14:50
That's what the cocaine is for. Sheeesh.

Well shit, I'm new at this.

Meow.
posted by mudpuppie 09 January | 14:53
Please, ain't no way you'd catch this chica even close to anorexia. I'll exercise before I give up enjoying good food.

Where do I sign up to be the juicy one with a sassy mouth?
posted by Frisbee Girl 09 January | 14:53
Man, I shoulda known JonMC'd get on here and feast. I'm posting the same for the Metadudes so the women can ogle vicariously. Sheesh.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 09 January | 14:53
Where do I sign up to be the sassy one with the juicy mouth?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 09 January | 14:53
I'd probably qualify to join the gang if you wanted an Estelle Getty-type character a la Golden Girls.
posted by essexjan 09 January | 14:56
Where do I sign up to be the mouthy one with the sassy juice?
posted by jrossi4r 09 January | 14:57
Where do I sign up to join the Merchant Marine and escape the demons of my murky past?

posted by Divine_Wino 09 January | 14:59
Bare feet. Photos.

OK?
posted by sarah connor 09 January | 15:00
can I stow away in your footlocker? Oh, wait I am one of the demons of your murky past. Carry on.

*walks away in a sulk, kicks pebble*
posted by jonmc 09 January | 15:00
No, I'm the sassy one. But I'm now taking applications for a personal assistant/best friend/sycophant.
posted by SassHat 09 January | 15:01
I want to be the one who dances on tables!

*resumes gazing into mirror and weeping while punching cake*
posted by Mrs.Pants 09 January | 15:01
Can I be transgendered Spice?
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies 09 January | 15:05
Nonono, mrs.pants, I'm counting on you to keep me in stitches as you put irreverent barmen in their place and get free drinks.
posted by Frisbee Girl 09 January | 15:07
I want to be the one who jumps into fountains. Or wait, is that passe?
posted by mygothlaundry 09 January | 15:07
Tallulah is never passe.
posted by Frisbee Girl 09 January | 15:10
mygoth: Why not, everyone's doing it....

I'm dibbsing on the being the drunk one who's a total diva and sings very loudly. While being drunk, natch.
posted by TrishaLynn 09 January | 15:11
Dibs on the can't sing but does anyway thing.

I have good mic technique, though.
posted by rainbaby 09 January | 15:13
Wow, I'm totally alienated from pop culture. Can I be Karen O?
posted by matildaben 09 January | 15:15
Can our mascot be a clam?
posted by Mrs.Pants 09 January | 15:18
don't you remember Ku Klux Clam from the ill-fated Krusty Comedy Hour?
posted by jonmc 09 January | 15:19
I'm the stubborn bitchy princess one. Duh. But I am also hilarious.
posted by dame 09 January | 15:20
I'm the one who is outwardly rolling her eyes at all the girliness, but is secretly pathetically grateful to be included.
posted by gaspode 09 January | 15:22
So I'm the funny one?

that's not hot.
posted by Mrs.Pants 09 January | 15:28
But the pants are.
posted by Hugh Janus 09 January | 15:32
So I'm the funny one?

that's not hot.

Well, it did get you free drinks, did it not? The completely beautiful, wickedly intelligent and wildly talented part is just obvious.
posted by Frisbee Girl 09 January | 15:35
Wait, wait -- which one am I??


/self-involved
posted by mudpuppie 09 January | 15:42
I'm the enthusiastic but amusingly naive foreign exchange student.
posted by kosher_jenny 09 January | 15:43
Mrs. Pants: Funny is hot. As is artistic. Which you are both. And hot.
posted by TrishaLynn 09 January | 15:43
I'm down with Friz on this one. I've never met you in real life, Mrs. Pants, but you a total rockstar regardless. You shine brightly.

(Also, being the Funny One is the quickest way to my heart, if you're keeping score.)

posted by Lipstick Thespian 09 January | 15:44
mudpuppie you're the marlene-dietrich-mysterious-one!

without all the teutonic smokiness.

and with chickens.
posted by Mrs.Pants 09 January | 15:46
awww shucks ladies!

one day I will learn how to take a compliment and properly digest it.

(today is not that day!)
posted by Mrs.Pants 09 January | 15:46
mudpuppie you're the marlene-dietrich-mysterious-one!

Okay, cool. That I can do.
posted by mudpuppie 09 January | 15:49
I'm so lost.
But I am a girl so I'm posting in this thread.
Count me.
posted by krix 09 January | 15:52
1 krix.

that'll be five dollars.
posted by jonmc 09 January | 15:54
Hi krix!
posted by Frisbee Girl 09 January | 15:55
Ooh! I want to be the one who has a career-boosting so very wrong but oh so right mad affair with a doomed brilliant pretty-boy rockstar who's in the midst of publicly flaming out in a headlong spiral of indulged decadence. And then I get to flee the country after his vampiric hangers-on secretly photograph me cutting lines in the studio where brilliant doomed pretty-boy is recording. Yep. Is there a vacancy in that department? Cause I can do contrite, and then ease my recovery by doing a 12-step tango with an even younger and prettier bad boy.
posted by jokeefe 09 January | 16:06
here's to Everything Mudpuppie, Frisbee, Matildaben, Mrs. Pants, Dame, etc.

Sigh. "Etc." is my middle name....
posted by jokeefe 09 January | 16:09
really? Is that Greek or something?

(don't worry, jokeefe. I've always visualized you as looking something like Emmylou Harris)
posted by jonmc 09 January | 16:19
I'm the quiet one. Really. : )
posted by sisterhavana 09 January | 16:24
jokeefe wins. I want to be that one too! Can we flame out together? Otherwise I know I'll be doomed to be the one in the glasses who says smart but dumb things at the wrong moment - which makes the pretty ones roll their eyes condescendingly. ≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by mygothlaundry 09 January | 16:30
Velma was hawt. And since Fred was obviously gay (and dating Alan from Josie & the Pussycats, look at the matching outfits, fer pete's sake) you know Shaggy was knockin' them boots.

Roo Ro Raggy!
posted by jonmc 09 January | 16:35
...and i'm the...well, i'm the...what the fuck am i?
posted by ramix 09 January | 16:38
The badass Pam Grier type?
posted by jonmc 09 January | 16:39
I miss my blue plastic Josie & The Pussycats cereal spoon something fierce.

Hi FrisbeeGirl!
posted by krix 09 January | 17:38
don't worry, jokeefe. I've always visualized you as looking something like Emmylou Harris)

I can work with that.

Does that mean I get a crack at doomed brilliant pretty boy rockstar Conor Oberst? Heh.

And mgl, you are so on. Can we go on a rampage someplace and be photographed stumbling out of clubs at dawn? Cause I am totally up for that. I think it has something to do with working on grant accounts for the last six months. *goes stircrazy*
posted by jokeefe 09 January | 17:47
*stumbles happily out of club at dawn with jokeefe, shoots finger at paparazzi, mouths obscenities, gets into limo mocking loser daphne selling flowers & shivering in torn dress*
posted by mygothlaundry 09 January | 17:53
I'm the one who takes off her glasses, then she's suddenly beautiful. But through all the pain and the sorrow, I learned something, see? I learned that what's on the inside is more important than what's on the outside. And that's why I'm not going to date you, popular-hot-quarterback-guy. Even though I pined for you all those lonely nights, at home, alone, in my glasses, while everybody else was having fun and laughing about me. No. Even though I'm beautiful now, and you realize that you really loved me along. Instead, I'm going to date geeky-guy who stood by me when I was ugly with the glasses.
posted by taz 09 January | 18:19
Taz -- I WAS the geek that pined for you, but you took so freakin' long making Sad Face at Mr. Touchdown that I took off with a supermodel after my first patent hit.

Love you, Lipstick Thespian
posted by Lipstick Thespian 09 January | 18:39
Wait... your face looks kind of familiar... but, no - I can't place you.

Okay, just kidding. You do realize that supermodel girl only likes you for your money, right? I'll get you back after you set a trap for her, and convince her that you've lost all your wealth, and she lights out of there like a mouse on fire. But then she'll come crawling back when she realizes that you're actually still rich, and that she really did love you all along. But it will be TOO LATE. Because you will have realized that what's on the inside is more important than what's on the outside. So you'll leave beautiful model girl for beautiful ex-glasses girl. And the two of you will laugh, and laugh about this whole incident some time in the future, when supermodel girl has turned into a crack whore, with images in her honor at the Moscow Drug Museum, and she's not so beautiful anymore is she? IS SHE?

kisses, -taz
posted by taz 09 January | 18:51
Taz? Is...is that really you? I've been thru so much, the supermodel-as-writing-desk, the cocaine binges, the endless nights wandering the rainy streets in a rumpled tuxedo. My stubble remembers you, but is it, could it still happen between us?
posted by Lipstick Thespian 09 January | 18:55
*strokes lipstick's stubble, soothes his raving, lunatic mind, smiles secretly to self*
posted by taz 09 January | 19:00
I'm the one who takes off her glasses, then she's suddenly beautiful.

I WAS the geek that pined for you,

I was the loadie out in the parking lot who was getting stoned while you all pined and shit.

No love for me?
posted by jonmc 09 January | 19:01
I...am the one whose name appears very infrequently and usually late and is probably a manufactured personality carefully designed to jump on the zeitgeist-train and will thus likely fail?

that probably implies i'm cheap, too...
posted by casarkos 09 January | 19:08
jonmc... jonmc... Hm. Oh, yes. Aren't you the one who never figured out that what's on the inside is more important than what's on outside?

Not a good sign... *taps foot* ... not a good sign.

I'm sorry, Mr. mc, I've reviewed your application and I find that this heartwarming tale has absolutely no position that you would be suitable for at this time. You can try again in six months.
posted by taz 09 January | 19:12
Get you bags together/
come join your good friends, too/
Zeitgeist-Train's/
a 'callin/
Soon you too can be cool!

(all apologies to C. Stevens)

Taz? Taz? I'm so cold...so cold...
posted by Lipstick Thespian 09 January | 19:17
*wraps lipstick in the lush warmth of her hard-won moral rectitude*
posted by taz 09 January | 19:20
taz: ouch! Is that honestly what you think of me? Jeez, I'm sorry to hear that.
posted by jonmc 09 January | 19:23
I'm magically rectitudilicious!

(all apologies to the Lucky Charms Elf)
posted by Lipstick Thespian 09 January | 19:26
See, jon? You're totally not playing right. Here's where you promise to mend your mad, bad, dangerous-to-know ways if only I'll find it in my heart to give you this one chance, because your down on your luck. Way down. And then against my better judgement, I go ahead and let you sub, for an evaluation period, as reformed guy who saves crack whore girl from the ravages of DRUGS -his old nemesis!- while discovering that even though she's no longer beautiful, and will never, ever, ever be as beautiful as ex-glasses girl, that it doesn't really matter, because what's on the inside is more important that what's on the outside.

See? That's how we play this. Now go ahead and get over to makeup. We have a schedule to keep here.
posted by taz 09 January | 19:49
*toddles off to makeup*

hey makeup dude, make these needle marks and abscesses look reaally gnarly. I got a room to work here.
posted by jonmc 09 January | 19:51
Oh sure, fine. JonMC gets to get all James Dean-y allasudden, when I single-handedly put the butts in the seats with the mega-family size popcorn puu-puu platters.

Fine! But remember this, Jonny-boyo, fame is fleeting, and don't come crying to me when there's no more talk shows.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 09 January | 20:06
Don't worry. I plan to die young of either an overdose or a freak can-opener accident before that day ever comes. So just bask in the glow of my good-looking corpse, sensitive boy.
posted by jonmc 09 January | 20:12
You're nothing but a cheap backlot whore! *sob*

I'll be in my trailer. Gustav, my bonbons!
posted by Lipstick Thespian 09 January | 20:19
Well this went some interesting places.

I wanna be a sidekick somewhere in there. You know, the girlfriend who hears the confessions and bucks up the insecurities of glasses girl; or the older black woman just a-overflowing with hard earned earthy wisdom, who lays down a phrase or two of telling it like it is ("It's what's inside that counts, oh yes, not the outside, as my grandma used to say"); or jonmc's object lesson dead-of-a-well-timed OD girlfriend who is found half-submerged in the bathtub, a last few words scrawled on the mirror in red lipstick.

I want to be one of those. I can also be "Drunk lady on train #2", or "Perfume counter cashier", or "Customer at pizza parlour".

I will now wait patiently beside my phone for the call.
posted by jokeefe 09 January | 22:15
I do NOT want to be the hot girl who suffers public tampon failure.
posted by jrossi4r 09 January | 22:43
← I'm having a really bad day. || Everything MetaDude. →

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