MetaChat - Axe Mecha: Could you ease up....

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03 January 2006

Axe Mecha: Could you ease up.... →[More:] offa me a little, shit, plenty of room here, I don't taste as good as I smell, nowhatta mean?

Brass Tacks:

Hey there ting tangs, checkit -

Hugh, I thought of another couple of features for your Nephs economy luxury car, how about a Blaupunkt AM radio - 300 watts of headthrobbing line of sight weather reports, preaching and highway advisories, 360 degree cortex basting eargasms, six preset buttons! Works much better at night, finally make the Ionosphere work for you!

Hand Stitched Vinyl Seatcovers - real H2C=CHR! made in Eurasia! Never wear shorts in the car again, NO REALLY, never wear shorts!

Gold Plated Map Case... (supply your own map for true customization) Works just like GPS (as long as you have someone in the passenger seat) merely speak your request for directions into the air and as long as your passenger is not a dick (and can read a map, a mostly fading art) Hey Presto, you know where you are going (barring speech impedimentia and/or road noise)!

Black Velvets- This is what I drank on New Years, Guiness and Champagne (or rather the upstate New York sparkling wine in the black bottle, 9.99 and a smile for the Korean girl is all it takes). I also smoked a pack of cowboy killers (shit torpedos), the true orrible jew, the VVV, the kkk, Marlboros and then quit smoking (I was sick, a whole pack... Here or ass? Perhaps both, an asshero, shit, I feel crazy!) Black Velvets sounded so cool and louche, but it turns out not as good as Guiness, slightly better than the sparkling wine. Fuck.

I beat (sorta) Katamari Damacy.

I made some bad errors at the used book store, lots of doo-doo, one Thomas Mcguane that is promising, those can backfire though. Please remember, sometimes the reason books are in the dollar pile is because no one will pay more money for them. What is the best used bookstore in New York, DO NOT SAY THE STRAND GOD HELP YOU!

I am going to self-surgure my ipod, to replace the hard drive, ready for that? More gauze nurse!

How much money does one need to retire and live on the investment income, assuming one is willing to live on say, 120 k a year (this is new york, that's dicey enough for a family of three and two cats who don't understand the concept of not shredding the whole Ikea seat cover at once, Pace yourself Pamplemousse, you are gonna need to shred that for years yet)!

Forever seems like a long time to not have a cigarette.

Hi!

post by: Divine_Wino at: 13:21 | 47 comments

Apparently Cuzzin Wino's been inhaling the fumes in the paint shed again. I'll go air him out.

posted by jonmc 03 January | 13:31

I am so fucking sober. Although I realize that AM is not line of sight and then wrote it anyway, watcha know.

posted by Divine_Wino 03 January | 13:34

GYOBFW!

No really, congrats on sort of beating Katamari Damacy ;)

posted by iconomy 03 January | 13:34

GET YOUR OWN BIG FAT WINCH!

I don't actually ever want anyone to comment or talk about what I post (actually I don't mind however, I do hate blogs, I decided this, my prediciton for 2006 no more blogs!) I just want to motivate people to extrude a bunch of nonsense.

posted by Divine_Wino 03 January | 13:38

GYOBFW!

iconomy, I'm shocked.

posted by omiewise 03 January | 13:40

Give Your Organs Bacon Fat Wino!

I do, I do, this is why other languages have an imperative case where you can tell just by the ending, context is king, but I hate kings.

Latin is much more democratic than English, I've always said that, ON MY BLOG!

I am shocked as well, shocked and a little hungry.

posted by Divine_Wino 03 January | 13:44

I think some pictures of Sponge Iron Maiden Bob is what this thread needs.

posted by iconomy 03 January | 13:45

Bacon Fat Wino!

Now I have an image of my man slurping from the Wendy's grease trap. We'll have to get him to a ByProducts Rehabilitation Facility, posthaste. Or at least to a methadone clinic for some Sizzlean.

posted by jonmc 03 January | 13:48

oh ico, you've just made my day

posted by dodgygeezer 03 January | 13:49

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by iconomy 03 January | 13:52

This thread is some kind of deadly metalanguage psychic virus, isn't it?

Fuck, and I've just been infected bag well salted beans crumpling tooths for racuous blue jays. Shit eaters fuck with umlauts for gravy. Lubrigarious pox, crawling heaps alight with filching newness atop peaks of indiscretion filled with nougat. FUCK!

On pre-view: aaaaaAAAAAGH FUCK WHAT THE SHIT!@?!?

posted by loquacious 03 January | 13:54

What's the phrase? "Be afraid, be very afraid"...yeah I think that's the one.

posted by danostuporstar 03 January | 13:55

Oh my, that is the most disturbing picture I have seen all year.

We smoked ourselves silly last night gearing up for the big smoke out 06.

Forever is a mighty long time.

posted by Lola_G 03 January | 13:56

I've been thinking about a rehab for people who want to quit smoking and drinking coffee, you just do tons of blow and drink popovs while talking about all the times you sucked cock for a parliment.

I actually would like to go to a rehab, not to get off the substances, but because I really like sloppy joes, wearing track suits and being in rooms with that trapped fart smell.

On preview:

I knew loquacious would help me out, he's the extopian to call when you are in a jam, A UTILITY FOG NANOPARTICLE JAM!

Every (sic) since I learned about science, science fiction has mainly been an excursion into collecting phrenology pioneers trading cards.

posted by Divine_Wino 03 January | 13:58

DW, if you like the smell of trapped farts, I'll send you my sister's dog. Man o' man is that dog foul.

posted by Lola_G 03 January | 14:00

I actually would like to go to a rehab, not to get off the substances, but because I really like sloppy joes, wearing track suits and being in rooms with that trapped fart smell.

You also might get to meet a celebrity. or failing that, Gary Busey.

while talking about all the times you sucked cock for a parliment

Wow. I knew George Clinton had a large entourage, but he has professional cocksuckers on the payroll. Livin' large, funkateer.

posted by jonmc 03 January | 14:02

Human Farts, L - o - l- a, dogs farts not so much, but it's funny when the dog kinda gets pissed at itself for making a stink, but can't really express it because they don't have the right facial muscles, so they kinda snap at the air where the fart is located and move off.

posted by Divine_Wino 03 January | 14:05

posted by Lola_G 03 January | 14:10

I could send you my son. He farts continuously, and says "safety" after each and every one. I have no idea why. I guess it's like a warning system, or something.

He had a Texas Tommy (a hot dog wrapped in bacon and cheese) last year and the farts were so toxic that you seriously couldn't go near him unless you held a towel over your face.

So would anyone here like to be his friend?

posted by iconomy 03 January | 14:11

"safety"

ico, your son is brilliant.

posted by Frisbee Girl 03 January | 14:13

Right before Gus farts, he looks at his butt like he is surprised by what is happening. Then, just as you described, he gets disgusted but resigned to the fact that he has a stinky ass and lays down and sulks.

Hahah! that is exactly what my dog does. She suddenly whips her head around and stares at her butt like she's just realized she has one.

posted by LeeJay 03 January | 14:16

He said safety because if you don't say safety you can get punched in the arm so hard, this has ended friendships, trust me.

Catch him out there and punch him before he says safety, he will have that story forever.

posted by Divine_Wino 03 January | 14:16

I would befriend anyone who could keep me in Texas Tommies.

MeCha is confusing me today. People are leaving, people are rambling, people are advocating punching children who fart and I still don't know who FFS is. I think it may be Five Fresh Shrimp.

posted by jrossi4r 03 January | 14:17

No, Five Farting Shrimp.

posted by Lola_G 03 January | 14:19

Clearly you are correct, Miss Lola.

posted by jrossi4r 03 January | 14:21

No, Five Farting Shrimp.

That's the lunch special at my local Chinese take-out. Five large prawns on a bed of horseradish-laced kidney beans.

posted by jonmc 03 January | 14:23

It's also my favorite verse in the 12 Days of Christmas.

posted by jrossi4r 03 January | 14:26

What you have to do, ico, is yell "doorknob!" really fast as soon as he farts - before he says "safety!" - and then you can punch him all you want until he makes it to the nearest doorknob. /me has been through this game.

As for quitting shit like cigs & strong drink, aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. I am not, am not, am not a happy camper.

posted by mygothlaundry 03 January | 14:29

I got a five cent discount and a free bag of chips with my traditional on wheat, no cheese, everything, yes, lettuce and banana peppers to go after walking in sleet out to the V-J Chase to buy a check for too much to send a creditor and erase my last debt but I'm now short rent which is okay really because my landlady is a sweetheart who reminds me of me at age 82, all have a tea and it's so nice to be around such like-minded individuals that maybe I'll got a job working for her fixing furniture or chatting up fashion models.

And I was thinking earlier about those vinyl seatcovers and how my dad only had one in the aforementioned Maverick so on the way to the ballpark, or the state fair, or the museums, in the day in the summer, my short piped shorts wouldn't protect my legs from sticking, and the AM radio would fuzz out under overpasses so when we were on the way back from the game, if it was a schoolnight and the game went to extra innings and we had to leave early, sometimes we would miss an at-bat while coming up to Druid Hill Park through a tangle of overpasses, and Kenny Singleton would win the game unbeknownst to us.

The Strand is caked with douches and pricks.

posted by Hugh Janus 03 January | 14:37

Safety....ahem.

We did the think with the o-ring. Look at the sign and get SOCKED.

posted by safetyfork 03 January | 14:44

The Strand is caked with douches and pricks.

For real, I knew a girl who was fired for being too helpful (really!).

posted by Divine_Wino 03 January | 15:15

Oh my god, that picture is seriously freaking me out.

posted by Specklet 03 January | 15:28

What picture, Specklet?

posted by Hugh Janus 03 January | 15:34

ico's picture is gonna give me nightmares. Thanks, eversomuch.

Oh, and the Wino's cat is named Grapefruit?!

posted by deborah 03 January | 15:45

Yes my cat is named grapefruit, but in french, we call her Pomper-stomper or Moose often though. The other cat is Henri Le Bette. I was feeling fairly french the day I named them.

posted by Divine_Wino 03 January | 15:50

I once heard a gent refer to the neighborhood we were in as "pretty frenchy."

posted by Hugh Janus 03 January | 15:53

Was it the french district? Francotown? Little Pigalle (oh those french hookers, scary, and I really don't scare easy!)?

posted by Divine_Wino 03 January | 16:03

Snailville.

posted by jonmc 03 January | 16:08

Frogtown.

posted by jonmc 03 January | 16:09

I keep pressing the DOOR OPEN button and it just isn't working.

posted by chewatadistance 03 January | 16:18

Actually, it was Dupont Circle, DC. Which might lead one to surmise, knowing the neighborhood, that "frenchy" meant "gay."

But this guy was a seriously lispy, sighing John Waters clone, so maybe he just meant seedy.

Reminds me of the time in the hospital waiting room with the cracked-out dude pacing around, hissing:

The seed, the fruit.
The seed... the fruit.
POP! Tutti frutti!

posted by Hugh Janus 03 January | 16:19

Hello!

posted by puddinghead 03 January | 17:06

What picture, Specklet?

The eyeball picture! The eyelball picture!

POP! Tutti frutti!

posted by Specklet 03 January | 17:44

I could send you my son. He farts continuously, and says "safety" after each and every one. I have no idea why.

My best friend used to do that, and I never figured anyone else did. Never did figure out why.

posted by puke & cry 03 January | 17:51

Holy crap I just saw that, Specklet. And immediately promised myself not to do LSD until I forget it.

posted by Hugh Janus 03 January | 18:43

Forever seems like a long time to not have a cigarette.
I hear ya on that one. My name is dg and I am a smoker. It has been 467 days, 5 hours, 46 minutes since my last cigarette.

posted by dg 03 January | 19:16

Weird, I'm listening to the Katamari Damacy soundtrack right now. :)

posted by knave 03 January | 20:02

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