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30 December 2005

Hi! Can I stalk you? Or maybe you can stalk me? Never had my own stalker before. Unless of course you count the guy who used to call my house in the middle of the night and say dirty things.
post by: Lola_G at: 10:10 | 64 comments
You know, I almost mentioned that little episode in 10 things redux. Thanks for remembering.
posted by danostuporstar 30 December | 10:12
Oh, don't worry. I'll never forget that. So dirrrrttttty!
posted by Lola_G 30 December | 10:15
You want dirty talk? I can deliver that.


loam

peat moss, baby

potting soil...mmmm

organic cow manure...oh oh oh oh

planting medium! yes! yes! yes! yes! yes! YES!
posted by iconomy 30 December | 10:16
It's actually not that much fun. When someone whom you've never met recounts to you with almost 100% accuracy your work schedule; class schedule; name and address of your bf, make, model and color of his car; your favorite bars; what night and you where and with whom; the names of your coworkers and managers and your personal habits as well as the changes in all of the above over the course of the previous 8 or so months, it messes with your world view a bit.
posted by Frisbee Girl 30 December | 10:18
iconomy - heh.

I did my undergrad at a small private liberal arts college in a very small town in Iowa - either the phone exchange was fucked up and the phone company was lying about how their lines are fine or I was a number of people that the village cops were (incompetently) phonetapping.
posted by porpoise 30 December | 10:20
I had a cyber-stalker once, several years ago. I used to run my own little private message board (boy, did I learn my lesson about that -- never again), and a very strange woman kept trying to join up. I knew her somewhat from another board and did not like her, nosiree, not at all, so I never let her join despite her numerous attempts with numerous sockpuppets (she always posted and emailed everything while she was at work, so she was easy to spot).

She ultimately became pretty obsessed, to the point where she started her own little board to make fun of me. None of this was anything but amusing to me, but she started sending me some abusive emails (again, from work), so I contacted her workplace and showed them the headers. They said they'd warn her. Then she cracked one of my email accounts by answering my secret question (pet's name, which I stupidly had not made a secret of) and entering my ZIP code (I stupidly hadn't made any secret of what town I lived in at the time either). I managed to get it back right away, fortunately. I contacted her workplace again, and they told me they would "address it with the individual," but I never got the satisfaction of knowing whether her ass got fired.

It was a learning experience, to be sure.
posted by Gator 30 December | 10:22
you, Lola? Oh, gawd, yes.

*installs better lighting in house*
posted by jonmc 30 December | 10:23
Whoa that's fucked up Fris.
posted by sciurus 30 December | 10:23
Waking up in the morning and finding cigarette stubs outside your bedroom window where your stalker has been watching you all night long is not so much fun either.

but then they eventually get admitted to a residential mental health facility and things are happy again. for me that is.
posted by gaspode 30 December | 10:25
Yeah. I know the reality is stalking is no laughing matter.

Just trying to make it through a Friday with some levity.

My friend in L.A. has a balcony that overlooks an apartment where the inhabitants are always naked. It might be fun if they were so funny looking.
posted by Lola_G 30 December | 10:26
Or rather weren't so funny looking.
posted by Lola_G 30 December | 10:28
One other time, when I was living in LA I was driving down Sunset with my friend around 2am when a guy pulled up next to me and started jerking it. That was kind of weird and funny and sick and strange.
posted by Lola_G 30 December | 10:29
So......

What are you wearing?

*heavy breathing*
posted by Doohickie 30 December | 10:32
sciurus, it totally was. It turned out he lived in my building - across the courtyard and one floor above me so he could see virtually everything in my apartment. He followed me to campus, made excuses to inteview my profs (I found out later) would show up at work, leave packages outside my door and slip letters under it when I was home, sometimes several a night.

My bf at the time blamed me for it, "You must have done something to invite it." WTF?! The police were more compassionate than my breathing excuse for a partner. It went on for a few years, too. I'd get a restraining order and he would stand exactly one foot beyond the legal distance and glare at me on my way to work, school and home, then the day it expired, he would show up at one of my tables or at my bar or be sitting in the lobby of my building. It was awful.
posted by Frisbee Girl 30 December | 10:34
The first question was, can I, Lola_G, stalk you. You can stalk me, Lola_G!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 30 December | 10:35
That story gives me serious heebie-jeebies, FG. Yeesh.

Luckily, us guys usually only get stalkers if we're David Letterman.
posted by BoringPostcards 30 December | 10:39
Aw, Lola, I didn't mean to get heavy. And I appreciate black humor, too, though I would tear that motherfucker to shreds if I ever, EVER saw him again.
posted by Frisbee Girl 30 December | 10:39
My friend used to have apartment across the street from a woman who like to walk around (and occasionally hang out on the fire escape) in the buff. We started taking binoculars to his place when we visited. It was sort of like stalking without effort, I guess.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 10:39
That's crazy Frisbee Girl. What ended up happening to him? Did he finally disappear?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 30 December | 10:40
Your bfatt should've done some ass-kicking.

That "You must have done something to invite it." is pretty much the same excuse as saying a rape victim was asking for it. SCIURUS SMASH!
posted by sciurus 30 December | 10:41
No worries Fris! The truth is I've had some freaky stuff happen to me to but that was when I was younger and time has made me forget how scary it can be.

Now I gotta get my kicks with fake internet stalkers!

I'm a sad, sad human being.
posted by Lola_G 30 December | 10:43
Has anyone here ever read The Gift of Fear? I see it mentioned a lot, especially whenever there's discussion of women being harrassed or stalked, but I've never actually checked it out.
posted by Gator 30 December | 10:43
So, I was checking out your blog Fris and I was reading the post where you take exception to being called hot and I guess I understand what you mean by that but I think from the few photos I saw you are pretty hawt! (I went with that spelling for obvious reasons!)

posted by Lola_G 30 December | 10:46
I'm in. I'll gladly give my phone # to any female who'll wake me up at 3:00 a.m. with dirty or not-so-dirty words. I, in turn, will reciprocate.

No, really
;-)
posted by shane 30 December | 10:49
ThePinkSuperhero, consider yourself stalked though I'm a little scared of Twinky!
posted by Lola_G 30 December | 10:50
Heh, that made me lolrz, shane. Good thing I'm the only person in the office today.
posted by sciurus 30 December | 10:50
You can stalk me too, sciurus. And it's almost a local call! And, no, I'm not saying you're effeminate.

I guess I'm just needy ;-)
posted by shane 30 December | 10:53
jmc, there's a basic looky but no touchy rule. If someone is going to walk around in the buff with their windows open, ogle all you want, but that is not an invitation for you to infiltrate their lives. That's the important point of delineation

I was young - 20. Bf was pissed because I wouldn't let him beat the guy senseless, but I think I did the right thing: I told everybody. Bosses, coworkers, profs, friends, the police - didn't change my habits but checked in constantly with friends by phone as to where I was and where I was going to be at what times with the thought that if this guy did try and do something truly awful, people would know where to look first.

I told the guy everything as well, so he knew he was being watched. It was a pain in the ass, but cowering, hiding or running seemed to be playing into his game so I pooted most odiferously in his specific direction.
posted by Frisbee Girl 30 December | 10:53
*squeezes Lola with great abandon*

I'll take the compliment!
posted by Frisbee Girl 30 December | 10:55
jmc, there's a basic looky but no touchy rule. If someone is going to walk around in the buff with their windows open, ogle all you want, but that is not an invitation for you to infiltrate their lives. That's the important point of delineation

Of course. I wasn't disagreeing, I just thought it was a good story.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 10:57
Oh, goody. I need some good huggin' today.
posted by Lola_G 30 December | 10:57
I'd be easy to stalk. I'd just tell the stalker everything they wanted to know and then wait for them to get bored.

*surprise hugs Lola_G*
posted by sciurus 30 December | 10:58
Everybody's Hugging!

/ralphie wiggum
posted by jonmc 30 December | 11:00
sciurus, that's funny.

I was at Sam's Club in TN last week and my sister went to stand by the wall and the guy behind me starts talking about how hot she is and that she must have known he was checking her out and that's why she went and stood away from him (he was self-deprecating and kind of funny). So, he keeps going on and on and finally I turned around and said "Yeah, she's cute but she is really annoying."

Which is funny because both she and I are pretty annoying when it comes to the whole dating thing (my boyfriend being a saint - though a martyr if you ask him!) the reality is that I would exhaust anyone in five minutes by being myself -- a giant pain in the ass!
posted by Lola_G 30 December | 11:03
That's unpossible.

/ralphie wiggum
posted by Lola_G 30 December | 11:04
Really, Lola? Back when I was working retail, the only flattery I ever overheard was from women over 50. That happens on the subway, too. I need to find and old folks home and become a gigolo.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 11:05
Twinkie is a force to be reckoned with, Lola_G. Why just today, we were outside when some Jehovah's Witnesses came to our door. My Mom bid them goodday, and we were walking up to the door as they were leaving. She barked and snarled like she would kill them. Of course, if I had put her down, she probably would have run up to them and kissed them, so.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 30 December | 11:11
My dad used to actually try to engage Jehovahs in theological debates. I just gargle whiskey, put on a derby hat and pips' underwear and answer with a friendly "Can I Help You?"
posted by jonmc 30 December | 11:13
I just gargle whiskey, put on a derby hat and pips' underwear and answer with a friendly "Can I Help You?"
i want a derby hat. maybe suspenders too--should they be worn with a wife-beater tee? i already always have the whisky.
posted by shane 30 December | 11:16
I had a stalker in Yuma last summer. She had interviewed for a job with me and didn't get it but then she started calling my hotel room every day, left naked pictures of herself in envelopes taped to my door, and figured out which was my car so that she could leave balloons and teddy bears on the hood. Finally had to change rooms and threaten the desk clerks with death if they transferred any calls to me at all.

So if you promise to at least reach that level of effectiveness Lola, go right ahead.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies 30 December | 11:17
Oh by the way jon, my mom thinks you are teh hawt.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies 30 December | 11:18
Tell her I'll be right over with some vodka and ensure cocktails and the unrated version of Matlock.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 11:20
The Erotic Adventures of Matlock?
posted by Gator 30 December | 11:23
yeah, the one with the infamous "drunk tank" scene featuring special guests Otis & Aunt Bea.

Abuelas en Fuego, indeed.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 11:25
"Luckily, us guys usually only get stalkers if we're David Letterman."
boringpostcards, I have two male friends who have had to get the law involved to stop stalkers. In one case the woman went on to push another woman through a window and in the second case the woman went on to stab a guy in the throat.

jon you made me spit out my coffee with that.
posted by arse_hat 30 December | 11:29
Also, the closest thing I've ever had to a stalker was a mildly retarded girl who used to follow me around at the supermarket where I worked. She did the same thing to another metalhead co-worker, too. She had a thing for mullets, I guess. Later on she asked me to the prom, but I think a couple bonehead friends of mine conned her into that.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 11:31
Whoa, deja vu.
posted by danostuporstar 30 December | 11:33
Abuelas en Fuego, indeed.

Ahahaha! *snortcoughchokesputter*
posted by Frisbee Girl 30 December | 11:33
Whoa, deja vu.

You were a crushee of the disabled and elderly, too, dano?
posted by jonmc 30 December | 11:35
Handy hint for dealing with assholes: go (or find someone who is going) to the bigass Mormon Tabernacle in Salt Lake City. Enter the perp's name and address in the visitors' book. They will be hit on by every Mormon missionary in their vicinity for years and years and years.

(Yes, I know. I'm a criminal mind turned to good.)
posted by warbaby 30 December | 11:58
I had a stalker once.

She: "I didn't see you in class."

Me: "Right, I was asleep."

She: "I know, I came by and looked in your dorm window."

Me: "       "
posted by shane 30 December | 11:58
You were a crushee of the disabled and elderly, too, dano?

No, I just feel I've read that jonmc comment before. It was probably in one of my many dreams of you wearing grocery clerk's vest.
posted by danostuporstar 30 December | 12:02
Enter the perp's name and address in the visitors' book. They will be hit on by every Mormon missionary in their vicinity for years and years and years.

Pips' elderly Jewish parents were once hit up by Mormon Missionaries. Her father talked with them for awhile and invited them in for dinner. They hadn't had a home cooked meal in a while and eagerly accepted. Pips' said they were very personable and polite young men. I remember this story clearly since her late Dad was kind of an irascible type and this was out of character for him.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 12:02
No, I just feel I've read that jonmc comment before.

I think I did mention it before, but it seemed appropriate to the thread topic, if only tangentially.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 12:03
Ah, jon, it's the intrusion of surreality. Sooner or later -- hopefully much later, the target will do a reality check on the frequency of appearance of Mormon missionaries in the general population. Many, if not most, missionaries are OK and fun to have to dinner. But guaranteeing your target a continual -- and neverending -- focus of attention may bring about one of those golden moments of self-awareness. Or raging paranoia....
posted by warbaby 30 December | 12:14
Absolutely. warbaby. I just can't stop spewing anecdotes is all. Either shoot me, or get me a pipe and a porch with a rocking chair and a bluetick hound.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 12:17
How 'bout a jug of white mule with a corncob for a stopper?
posted by warbaby 30 December | 12:18
That'd be great. I'm trying to slowly morph myself into Mose from The Searchers.
posted by jonmc 30 December | 12:20
I totally hear you on the stalker thing FG. I had one back in '96 who showed up at my then new job. The new job ended up submitting voicemail and video tape evidence when I took him to court to nail his ass. I haven't seen him since then, but it was not a fun experience and even now I sometimes still look over my shoulder. He was stupid enough to follow me to the front steps of the police station in a chase through downtown. I was out of gas, freaked out, and figured the best possible place I could stop would be there. Didn't stop him though, relentless moron. Court did. Even though they never gave me back my red swiss army knife I had to shove in the plant in the lobby.
posted by chewatadistance 30 December | 13:17
The Erotic Adventures of Matlock?

The Erotic Adventures of Frankenstein
posted by porpoise 30 December | 13:49
Nothing says "I Love You" more
than sobbing calls at 2 am,
and nothing says "I Love You" more
than checking for evidence in your bin
and nothing says "I Love You" more
than reading the emails that you send

and nothing says "I Love You" more
than standing, staring at your house,
night vision goggles,
a balaclava and
and a blacked out face.
posted by seanyboy 30 December | 16:14
The only stalking thing that's ever happened to me was a woman on AOL years ago once kept bothering me for cybersex, and when I didn't comply and kept ignoring her, she sent the police to my house thinking I was dead. FROM FUCKING ARKANSAS! (where she lived). So it's 3am, and I'm standing in my boxers confusedly talking to the Seattle PD with my landlord standing there in the doorway looking like he wanted me dead.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 30 December | 18:03
That's a good one, lipstick.
posted by Frisbee Girl 30 December | 18:05
Strange, lipstick. Any idea how she got your home address?
posted by George_Spiggott 30 December | 20:28
← A change of policy. || I smell like Jack Daniels and cigarette smoke this morning. How 'bout you? →

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