Sometimes I try to find a small joke to make about the situation we're both in. Some aspect of the decoration, the circumstances of the gathering, something that will let them know what my humorous bent is. I don't just walk up to people lest they feel stalked; I try to mingle and move around the room until I'm there. It doesn't make it less obvious that I want to talk to them, but it does make it a little less threatening for more introverted people, I find. Then, if they're in a similar mindset to me, the joke or wry comment will let them know I'm an okay person to chat with about things other than superficial.

I think you can make good friends any way you can make friends. The key to making a good friend is to dispense with the pleasantries and build your relationship entirely on honest conversation and presenting yourselves in a genuine and meaningful way. If you can get past everyone's desire to look good, and find common threads in your life and theirs, I think that's how it works best.

As far as success goes, I don't expect to be snubbed very often if I don't go overboard with enthusiasm and present myself as a fun, interesting person who would be Fmore exciting to talk to than whatever else might happen. If David Foster Wallace happens to be at the party and they're Wallace freaks, you probably won't get much of anywhere, but there'll always be circumstances out of your control. Oh, I guess I might recommend if you're with your partner, trying even more strongly to avoid the perception that you're descending on the interesting people. If I were them, that would freak my shit right out of town.

Offer them a cigarette, it'll make them feel a little more at ease. Don't ask what they're in there for; they'll just lie anyway. If they look scared, put your arm around them, let them know you'll take care of them, if they take care of you. They'll get the message. If they want to step up right away, well, you can't have that. Show them who runs this place.

I find that screaming, disrobing, then saying something about Gay Martian Nazis is an effective icebreaker. At least for me.

Don't come on too strong. I still remember this couple (nice looking, articulate, friendly, well-off) where the wife approached me and started hinting about threesomes.

Nice couple, but, Jesus, I couldn't wait to get away gracefully.

I still remember this couple (nice looking, articulate, friendly, well-off) where the wife approached me and started hinting about threesomes.

Dear Penthouse Forum: I never believed something like this could hapeen to me, but...

(no shit, orth? Where are these people when I'm hanging out? Of course, I tend to hang out in old man's bars, so it wouldn't be quite as appetizing a proposition, but still...)

"interesting" here is a code word for what, now?

Hand them a piece of paper with the URL to this thread written on it, and then immediately walk away.

Jonmc: it was at a bar, kinda a college meat-market palce with a leavening of 20s and 30s yuppies. I was drinking and (hard to beleive, I know) being gregarious.

Eideteker, a few years back, I was in the men's room of a diner on Hudson Street, and on the stall wall was the URL for a very well know web porn directory and the word "FREE!" all in emphatic ballpoint. My first thought was "Times are hard in cyberland." But now I think we need to put our URL in every dive bar's restroom. Who's with me?

ortho: I'm a family man (more or less), but even being offered a threesome would be enough to keep me on a cloud of ego buzz for a month or so.

also apropos of nothing, here's some music I uploaded in IRC last night:

Rick Nelson - Garden Party

Bobby Shad & the Bad Men - I Want You Back

(the latter track is proof that a truly great song can survive any treatment and still sound good)

Yeah, but what if the guy started looking at my ass and getting ideas?

jonmc - so these mp3s are an icebreaker for approaching strangers?

ortho: I'd still be flattered as hell. It's nice to know that if I woke up gay one morning, I'd do OK.

agopryon: yes. That Bobby Shad one could start a spontaneous Soul Train line. And there's no better icebreaker than a Soul Train line, I've found.

jon's middle name is "Apropos of Nothing." No, really.

That sort of setting (lobby) is an especially tough one, Diva Despina. You could ask the woman where she has her hair done, bought her shoes, etc., and there's a small chance that this might spin out into a longer conversation among the four of you... but it's not terribly likely. Most other icebreakers will probably - yeah... be interpreted as a come-on.

Diva, I know this is your first post here. Don't mind the goofing-off boys. We kid because we love.

I wish I could offer you advice, but my best method for meeting people is hiding under a table until they feel sorry enough for me to coax me out. Bingo -- the ice is broken.

Ask if they thought the performance was Swingin'

More seriously though.. I have no idea about a first sentence, but if someone told me they were known as "Diva Despina" online, I'd ask about when you'd last seen Cosi, and how you liked it, and we'd be off and running.

I hate small talk, because chatting about the weather says nothing about either person. However, if you can get to something - anything - that has some depth to probe, I'll happily chat for hours.

In a couples situation, I agree appoaching two-up might seem a bit intimidating. You might prearrange a gambit to have one partner arrive a moment later, so as to have an 'unfilled moment' which might be socially filled by starting a conversation. Maybe have hubby arrive a moment later with your drink, or maybe together ask them where the restroom is, and hubby departs for a moment. Hubby returns, and there's your hook for introductions.

(Seems easy enough on paper. Why then am I so bad at it?)

"Hey, don't we know you?" is kinda lame, but would probably work*. You can follow it up with "Well, then we should!" or some such.

* Seriously. Better than in a bar, anyway.

scare them. people love that shit. or tell them you're building a robot in your garage. this works better if you're actually building a robot in your garage. tell them something weird & historical, apro-poirpose of nothing. tell them about the war of jenkin's ear. or about emperor yu and the yellow river. act like you're already in the middle of a conversation with them. people are always excited to meet someone who's exciting: so just be exciting and the problem of what to talk about goes away. tell them you just got into a fight in the men's room over whether or not voltron was better than thundercats. if they tell you they think thundercats, tell them you're about to get into another fight right now, then.

this does well with girls at bars. what's this couple's shit?

Sam: That would work on me, even if I don't know what half of that stuff means.